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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS is far too young to be playing out in the street (sparked by the other thread)

115 replies

lilacclaire · 12/03/2009 15:17

This issue has annoyed me since last summer, I also live in a cul de sac and all the other kids (same age, younger and a year or two older) are allowed to run up and down it.

Now DS who has just turned 4 in Jan screams to be allowed to do the same.

I flatly refuse him to be out of my sight, he isn't street wise like some of these kids and I know if he hurt himself, he would just lie there crying wondering where I was.

I'm sure the neighbours think im being pfb, but I really think he is far too young.

One of the neighbours allows her grandson to run to the very end of the cul de sac (she can't see this from her house) and look out onto a busy road, he is one year younger than my ds and I first noticed this last summer.

The cars also scoot up and down our cul de sac as it is quite long.

Last summer ds hadn't even started nursery, im dreading this summer, the other kids are welcome to play in the garden, but of course they get bored and run back into the street, cue lots of screaming from ds to be allowed out as well.

So am I being pfb, I don't think I am. Opinions please.

OP posts:
solowitch · 13/03/2009 12:44

Coldtits, no not Gaza, but the kids are not very nice around here tbh. I let Ds walk to school and home again on his own, but he's only done that for about 5 months and has been chased, tripped up and picked on by older kids whilst doing this. He's a sensitive boy and looks like a 14yo which I'm not sure helps at all.
I'd just rather he wasn't mixing with the kids around here as I really don't want him to be influenced by the wrong types and it's too easy for that to happen. He goes to secondary in September and gradually, I will give him a bit more freedom, but I'm hoping that he'll make friends with some 'decent' boys when he starts at the Grammar school and then I'll feel a bit more confident that he wont be lead astray.

mrswoolf · 13/03/2009 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellybeans · 13/03/2009 12:49

I think 4 is far too young.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/03/2009 12:57

When i was a child i played out all day and went all over the place.Ok so i was born in 67 but not much has changed apart from more cars on road.

We live in a cul de sac nnd last summer a little girl who lives around the corner aged 7 called for my then 4 year old dd (we are new to area and its mainly oaps one of which knows this other child and told her about my dd)
they played really well but my dd asked if she could call for her so i taught her cross ave road (my dd is very mature for age and i very aware of cars)

i cant say it was easy for me to watch her walk around the corner to call for her friend but i am determined not to wrap her in cotton wool. we live near a country park and when shes older i would like to think her and her friends can go an have adventures.

its not rough,we do lots as a family but its very important for children to have independance and be able to play and use imagination.it builds confidence.

TsarChasm · 13/03/2009 13:06

Mine have only been allowed out in the past year and they are 7 and 10 and there are a million rules attached to it.

But it amazes me how many parents here let their very young children out and into the road too.

Mine are not allowed to play in the road, but we have younger than 4 yr olds sitting in the road and not an adult in sight to stop them. It appalls me. I worry there will be an awful accident one day. In my book a baby with no road sense left to play in the road is neglect.

noonki · 13/03/2009 13:10

Divineintervention when you said:

''Kids in the street, eewwww... makes me think of dirty little children whose parents are too busy/lazy to give a shit. ''

can I just reply with a big fat

what a load of rubbish.

When I think of kids keep in doors or at 'activites' I just think of fat bored kids with over-protective competitive parents.

(I don't really but just to make the point of how judgemental and ridiculous that comment was)

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/03/2009 13:18

"When I think of kids keep in doors or at 'activites' I just think of fat bored kids with over-protective competitive parents"

i could not agree with that statement more noonki.the amount of people i know that ferry thier kids around all week to activities and none of it seems to be for the sake of the kids.its all about how much they appear to be doing

i am not against activities, my dd has swimming lessons and is starting dancing soon but there has to be a balance

Mumcentreplus · 13/03/2009 13:22

I lived in a Cul de sac and one of my first memories was when I walked to the shop at the end of the street to get the morning paper and the man in the shop gave me a lollypop...I was 2yrs old!..but that was the 70s

I do think it's important for children to have freedom..eventually they have to venture out into the world by themselves..personally I would do the doorstep thing until I felt he was safe ...

and about the rough thing..when I used to visit my father at his flat there was a child who from about 2yrs old was allowed to walk the streets all the time, always carelessly stepping infront of vehicles, bit dirty used to swear like a trooper!...whenever I saw him I would think he's going to end up run over...one weekend I came down to see my father and asked 'where that little boy?'...he was knocked down and killed by an ice-cream van

gardeningmum05 · 13/03/2009 13:43

coldtits

my DS started going out with his friends at 10, and he is very switched on.
my DD is 9 this year but not allowed out to play with friends. however i did take her up the park, which is a 3 minute walk from home, where she met a friend to play with. my son was there with his friends, and i let her play there whilist i went home, under the strict instructions that my son was not to leave the park and he would walk her home at a set time. you have to let them go.

4 is far too young to play out, rediculous.

MrsMcCluskey · 13/03/2009 13:52

My Ds's are 8 and 6, we live on a small quiet estate, there are about a dozen boys the same age and they all have a great time, riding their bikes, playing 'war' and 'mob'.
I am so glad that they are able to gout and play.
When DS2 was 3-4 I used to sit on my drive on my bench with a cuppa, but now I know he is sensible not to go out of our set boundaries, they go off and have FUN.
Rough? I dont think so. My kids have a great little life, lots of friends and fresh air.

Coldtits · 13/03/2009 14:47

how about, Solowitch, instead of wrapping your son in bubble wrap and hoping the world he lives in will go away, teaching him to DEAL with the world he lives in. He lives near rough kids - so he needs to learn how to deal with rough kids. He will be FAR better off on speaking terms with these kids than as an occasional victim that they catch when they can.

WantThisWantThat · 13/03/2009 14:58

I'm so looking forward to the lighter nights so that I can send my 3 y.o. outside to play with her friends in the quiet cul-de-sac where we live. Did this last summer when she was 2 1/2 and I kept a constant check on her. I wouldn't be comfortable just letting her out on her own but I do think it's important for her to learn about cars and strangers so that she becomes equipped for independance. Am thinking that I am so lucky for living where there are lots of kids nearby and other watchful parents.

BigusBumus · 13/03/2009 15:12

We live in a cul de sac too and ALL the kids play out in a big herd! They range from 3.5 years to about 10. All the mums keep an eye out, the kids all shout "CAR" and they move to the side and if any child dare go "round the corner", i.e. out of the close, the others will grass them up in a microsecond. None of the kids are allowed to anyone's house unless they have asked their own and the other parents first. Also, as the only people to come into the close in a car are those that live there, they know already that there will be loads of kids and they drive at about 1mph!

My sons have been playing out with the kids since they were about 4. I am perfectly comfortable with it, they play football, bikes, Go-gos etc and it gets them away from the TV, their DSs etc. It teaches great independence, opens up their ears to car sounds / road sense, responsibilty and keeps them it!

(I would add, that the neighourhood we live in is what you might call "affluent", and not at all "rough" - don't know if this makes a difference, but its interesting to note)

BigusBumus · 13/03/2009 15:14

Keeps them fit!

2manychips · 13/03/2009 16:21

We live in a quiet road. I reversed out of my drive and hit a child as she was so small she was beneath my car boot height....

bellavita · 13/03/2009 16:31

Me, I'm dead rough and lazy and of course my children play out... in fact I even lock them out and say not to come in till lunchtime/tea time just so I can put me feet up

kittywise · 13/03/2009 16:32

4 is too young

neverknowinglyunderdressed · 13/03/2009 17:37

I think it depends on the road, traffic etc. I moved into a small cul de sac of 10 houses when my DTS were 3.5. B road on one side and forest on the other. They had never played out side of the garden before. I told them not to go on the road or into the forest.
But very quite street, other nice children, mostly bit older. So i let them, but i kept checking on them every 10 mins or so. In the summer it was bliss for them, playing in each others gardens, go cart races, cycling, street tennis.

We moved again...this time we are close to a busy A road on a big estate. They are now 5 but i havent let them play outside of the garden unsupervised. Depends on the area.

mumeeee · 13/03/2009 22:07

YANBU. 4 is much too young to be playing out on the street,

solowitch · 14/03/2009 00:09

So, I should let him out to 'play' with the kids 8 doors up that when their roof was being replaced, climbed up the scaffolding to pinch the lead? or the lovely polite boy(seriously)down the road that punched the head teacher in school and whose family are racists. Think I'll buy some more bubble wrap thanks.

bergentulip · 15/03/2009 08:53

BigusBumus- do we live in the same place? You describe the same scene I see every late afternoon and weekend- same boundaries, age ranges, 'nice' area etc....

Solowitch- fair enough trying to keep your DS away from those kinds of influences, but can you accept that perhaps your initial comment was a leeeeetle bit over the top and reactionary?

seeker · 15/03/2009 09:05

I should keep away from these threads.....!

Is it only me that thinks it's bad for children to be watched all the time? They need their own space and privacy to play and grow. Of course they need to be kept safe from cars and the opportunity to steal lead from a roof, but I am so sad at the thought of a 6 year old who isn't allowed to go out even into his own garden alone. They need to play with other children without adults hovering over them.

schneebly · 15/03/2009 09:20

I have a 5.5 year old who I would let out(now, not aged 4). We sometimes call him Mr Safety at home because he is annoyingly sensible. He actually said to me last week when I mopped the floor "Mummy you should have a a wet floor sign"

My 4 year old on the other hand as much as I love him is quite daft has very little sense in his head and would not be allowed to play out until much later I think.

Since our house is on it's own off the street we don't have to worry about this - they just play in the garden but not being on a street means there are no neighbours kids to play with - they only have each other.

I would say 4 is defifnietly too youn to be playing out on the street. Maybe 5 if you have a v sensible child but more like 6 I think.

schneebly · 15/03/2009 09:21

and as for divineintervention - what snobbery!

solowitch · 15/03/2009 11:57

Bergentulip, this was my original comment, so I can't see what you mean tbh and I've re read my others and no, can't see it ~ sorry.

By solowitch on Thu 12-Mar-09 15:32:38
I don't let my 10 yo out in the street, never mind a 4yo. It's not right IMO.

Not sure who you are talking about seeker as regards not letting kids play in the garden.

Unfortunately for us, my garden(which was lovely)has been vandalised(by kids!)to such an extent that it is out of bounds to all of us. My children have never played out in it, it is too dangerous. I have, in the many clear up the mess again sessions picked up used condoms and bottles filled with urine. There have been TV's thrown into my garden and smashed(glass that is very hard to clear up)wood pieces with nails sticking through and much much more.

Do you see why I don't want my kids mixing with the other gitschildren around here? Oh and their parents are as bad, not like you all are. If I had lovely neighbours that cared about other people and I lived in a cul de sac, I'd probably think/feel completely differently.