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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS is far too young to be playing out in the street (sparked by the other thread)

115 replies

lilacclaire · 12/03/2009 15:17

This issue has annoyed me since last summer, I also live in a cul de sac and all the other kids (same age, younger and a year or two older) are allowed to run up and down it.

Now DS who has just turned 4 in Jan screams to be allowed to do the same.

I flatly refuse him to be out of my sight, he isn't street wise like some of these kids and I know if he hurt himself, he would just lie there crying wondering where I was.

I'm sure the neighbours think im being pfb, but I really think he is far too young.

One of the neighbours allows her grandson to run to the very end of the cul de sac (she can't see this from her house) and look out onto a busy road, he is one year younger than my ds and I first noticed this last summer.

The cars also scoot up and down our cul de sac as it is quite long.

Last summer ds hadn't even started nursery, im dreading this summer, the other kids are welcome to play in the garden, but of course they get bored and run back into the street, cue lots of screaming from ds to be allowed out as well.

So am I being pfb, I don't think I am. Opinions please.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 12/03/2009 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 12/03/2009 16:18

i sit on the stoop drinking tea
only in summer

FioFio · 12/03/2009 16:19

This reply has been deleted

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dizzydixies · 12/03/2009 16:19

well I think calling them rough and lazy is unbelievably judgemental - you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and maybe letting the kids out to play is their only reprieve/free time etc

I can watch mine from my front window without them knowing but you wouldn't know I was watching either if you see what I mean

bentneckwine - dear lord don't mention you had jeremy kyle on in the background and Take a break magazine for reading material or we'll all be flamed

muggglewump · 12/03/2009 16:19

My DD was out from the age of 3 although I was on the doorstep back then.
I don't bother now, she's old enough to come in if there's a problem plus I can hear all the kids anyway and my door is always open.
They (her and the other kids, about 15 of them) are allowed to both playgrounds, a two minute walk away and a 30 second walk to where I can see them plus half the neighbours can see from their back windows and keep an eye out.
I've no doubt next door's 2 year old will be out this summer (in the street, not any further) with his older siblings to keep an eye and his Mum, 2 Aunts and Gran around plus us other Mums.

I don't think it's rough at all, I love that DD can spend the summer outside without it having to be a planned outing and as an only child I think it's great for her.

dizzydixies · 12/03/2009 16:22

Riven, everyone knows you're rough as old boots anyway

JeanPoole · 12/03/2009 16:24

i think they don't care what they are upto as long as they are out of their hair, poor little kids

they could at least pop out once in a blue moon to see if they are ok imo.

and they definatley won't be able to see from the house, as it's a winding street iyswim.

anyway just my opinion.

sarah293 · 12/03/2009 16:24

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bentneckwine1 · 12/03/2009 16:26

LOL dizzy

Being a flat there wasn't front door step to sit on with a cup of tea so I would open the window, swing my legs round and sit on the ledge with legs hanging outside. I probably looked dreadful - my mum used to hate tilting windows pushed so far open that the glass was horizontal = she would have hated me sitting in the window like that.

I did get some funny looks from passers-by so I guessed it looked a bit 'rough' to them.

dizzydixies · 12/03/2009 16:26

but how do you KNOW that? you're making a judgement based on what? do you not go to the toilet/answer the phone/leave your house even for a moment where you might miss the parents popping out or the child popping back in to see them? its rather a sweeping statement to think that these parents just pap them out the front door and not care

then again, come to think of it, thats exactly what mine did when we were little

I'm not having a go, I just think its ridiclious to think that all these parents don't care one jot

SpringBlossom · 12/03/2009 16:31

My step-son has just started playing outside in the street at nine; full unfettered playing with no observation tactics from behind the curtains. When it gets towards dusk his dad makes him put a high-vis vest on (!) which I thought would cause enormous arguments but he puts on quite happily in return for being allowed out with his mate across the road.

I think four is way too young. I feel frightened just thinking about the ease with which they could get mown down; I don't live on a cul de sac but it is a fairly quiet road and that would still make me nervous. I don't worry about abductions - most children are vulnerable to what goes on at home, not being picked up by random strangers - but I do worry about the occasional car that roars up and down at high speed.

It's a tough one cos I know when I was growing up at four I did play outside and travel reasonable distances from the house. I think it's really important that kids have that freedom and all the confidence that goes with it.

JeanPoole · 12/03/2009 16:31

i know that because i've spent nearly a year working on our house, and and always outside.
i've been outside at weekends all day.

it's up to them though.

free choice and all that.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 12/03/2009 16:34

My DS's are currently too young for me to feel comfortable with them playing out in the street - DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2
DS1 has 2 friends that live at the other end of the cul-de-sac and if they are still friends this summer I will feel happy with them playing out at the front if I am watching or the other mum is watching.

HOWEVER, as with all these threads, the only thing you should do is what you feel is right for your family - no one elses opinion actually matters.

piscesmoon · 12/03/2009 16:38

I don't think that you can have a blanket rule-it depends entirely on where you live and how sensible your DCs are.

MadamDeathstare · 12/03/2009 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lilacclaire · 12/03/2009 18:07

Hi, thanks for all the opinions.

I am lucky to live in an end house with a large garden and an adjoining gate to the neighbours garden (we're a semi detached) which is usually full of their grandchildren, so im quite happy for him to run between the two gardens as they're both enclosed.

But the grandchildren and other kids on the street always run up and down the cul de sac and to be honest I am a nervous wreck, i've let him out once for 5 mins and just about had a breakdown!

He only has dss who is 15, so doesnt want to hang out with ds at 4!

I love sitting out on my front step in the summer but you can't see the street because of the hedges. I'll just need to rope my neices and nephews into coming down much more over the summer months!

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 12/03/2009 18:41

My DS is 6 and I dont let him play out alone either. Our garden is not enclosed and so if he goes out either DH and I go out too.

raindroprhyme · 12/03/2009 19:01

my 4 year old is allowed out with his 8 year old brother. but only between one lamp post and another about 50 yards. is not allowed to cross road and is brought straight back in if he is caught past his lamp post.

works well for us in our quiet street and all the kids know DS2 is only allowed between his 2 lamp posts and regularly tell on him if he steps out his boundary.

tengreenbottles · 12/03/2009 19:01

My dd is 6 and has been allowed to play out in our very quiet cul de sac for at least 3 yrs ,granted for the first year i would sit out side to watch ,as would other mothers ,but once she understood the rules about where was off limits i was happy to allow her some space to be a happy independent little person . As we live in the country it is very quiet so i can hear if anyone crys and if any child does there is usually at least two of us parents who run out to check. I appreciate that it might not be safe to do this in other areas though . All the children who live in this cul de sac also know all the neighbours who live here . I think that bundling them into a car for a 3mile drive to a park would seem madness when they have a safe environment to play in on their on front doorstep. As for rough well id rather have a happy well adjusted child that gets time away from me to live their life than one who spends their entire childhood being shuttled from activity to activity under a constant watchful gaze !!

TotalChaos · 12/03/2009 19:06

DS is 5, and has been allowed to play out since last year, we live on a quiet cul-de-sac. As he has a language and social skills delay letting him play out has been vital for his development.

tengreenbottles · 12/03/2009 19:12

By the way op ,it is perfectly normal to feel anxious about letting them go a bit ,i remember being terrified for the 10 minutes it took my brother to go to the local shop for the first time and couldnt understand how my mother could be so calm . If you feel he is too young to understand some basic boundaries on what he can cant do then leave it a bit longer , Im sure you will work it out for the best for both of you in the end .

FrannyandZooey · 12/03/2009 19:14

ds1 has played out since he was 4
how else do people get to know the other children in their street?
but of course i am dead rough, me

worley · 12/03/2009 19:29

so, for those of you that think kids playing out have rough/lazy parents, didn't you used to play out when you were little, were you all locked up and not allowed out?

bergentulip · 12/03/2009 19:32

???? Rough? Lazy? Giving yourself some reprieve?

How about letting them out because they want to, and because it's for their benefit to mix with other children and have a sense of freedom and independance.

I started a thread about this a while back. Not been on MN since. The responses I got at the time were all positive.

As many, many people have said, it's about how comfortable the parents are with it, the street, the area, the other children, your own children etc etc etc.... (my DS1 is 4 in May and I would certainly not deem myself to be 'rough'!![!] )

Pogleswood · 12/03/2009 19:41

The children in our old street (quiet cul-de-sac,also ''walk thru' route to village) all played out,and some alone(parent free) from 4 -not mine though.They both played out from about 7,but DS was out with his older sister.When the kids were younger there would always be someone's parent out with them,and this tapered off as they grew.Mostly it was good and the older ones looked out for the smaller ones ,but as it was mostly girls the friendship groups shifting and excluding some kids on and off could be very very wearing!(And we aren't rough either,honest,heaven forbid!)

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