AIBU to worry about MILs dog and DD

[dribblychops]

Am new to mumsnet so don't eat me alive!

To cut a long story short - when I return to work my MIL will be looking after DD one day a week (she will be a year old then). I am very appreciative obviously but....

I get on well with her but am not so keen on her dog (a doberman labrador cross). I am fond of dogs generally just not this one - she is friendly but I think she would be jealous and MIL lives alone so she is the 'baby'. This dog likes to chase and dismember anything cat or rabbit like. She hasn't shown any aggression towards DD but is interested in her IYKWIM.

Anyway, MIL will be coming to our house with the dog which will stay in the garage as we have cats. Normally when she drives the dog is loose in the car and jumps all over the back seat. I'm worried because she wants to take DD out in the car and I don't think it's safe to have the dog loose at the same time. I think the main contact DD and the dog will have is on walks together so it's not like she'll be stealing the dog's toys indoors or anything.

Am I being paranoid?

DH is worried too and is thinking of talking to her. Thing is she is doing us a favour and we don't want to offend her but I think sometimes pet owners are blinded to their pets bad habits! I'm also worried about her driving but that's a separate issue....!

Oh gosh.

I have had a very bad experience with my MIL and her dog, she has a lhasa apso which was bought as a final acceptance that she wasn't going to have any more children, so this horrible little shit of a dog has been treated like gold since she was a puppy. Between my eldest two children she has attacked them on five separate occasions before I finally refused to go to their house with the kids anymore. All this from an apparently placid "lovely" dog who "wouldn't harm a fly".

I'm not saying that your MILs dog will be the same, but nor would I trust the dog with your DD on her own. No matter what the dog's temperament you just don't know how it'll react to your DD taking it's place in the pack order.

So no, you're not being paranoid or unreasonable. Just... be careful how you approach it with the MIL.

If the dog is in the garage, I dont see too much of a problem if they arent in contact. BUT, "This dog likes to case and dismember anything cat or rabbit like" rings alarm bells for me.
Would your MIL put up a dog guard in the car? That way, DD can be safe in her seat, and dog will be safe in the boot.
Still have a word with MIL (or get DH to) and get this off your chest. Im sure you wont offend her, after all, she loves your DD too.

how likely is she to drive anywhere with your daughter? if the dog is locked away then it should be ok.

YANBU. I am a dog lover and have two dogs but they are behind a dog guard for their own safety in the car. in an accident they could be flung forward and at least the guard stops that. if you MIL doesnt put the dog in the boot you can get cgi.ebay.co.uk/dog-seat-belt-clip-car-van-lorry-ajustable-for-harness_W0QQitemZ190286261917QQcmdZVie wItemQQptZUKPetSuppliesDogs?hash=item190286261917&trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1686|66%3A2 |65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318

at home, my dogs are never left in the same room as my boys. its my boys i dont trust not to pull tails rather than the dogs harming my boys but the dogs are in the kitchen behind a baby gate unless its supervised play. often they have had enough and want to be in the kitchen where they can watch from a safe distance. would something like this be possible? that way the dog isnt being excluded by a shut door yet is out of reach

I think if you and you dh are worried then it is concern worth sorting out. I always think it is much better to be safe than sorry and you wouldn't forgive yourself if something happened and you had been able to stop it. Agree with Blotted though, you have to do it very carefully, good luck

I don't think you are being unreasonable or paranoid.
I have a large labrador and I watch him like a hawk around my DS. he's never shown a moment's aggression BUT (and I hate to be a scaremonger on things like this) dogs who attack are almost always a family members dog (not the actual child's parents)... so...

1. NO, it's not safe to have the dog roaming free in the car. the dog MUST be in the boot or restrained using a dog harness. My dog ALWAYS travels in the boot now (always travelled on the back seat, unrestrained, before DS). The dog will get used to it. (again, more difficult when it's not your dog)

1. The dog and baby will almost certain 'swap' toys - my DS and Ddog do it all the time. I'm fine with it - but if you aren't, then you need to talk to to your MIL about it.

I agree with Blottedcopybook. Your DD is going to impact (periodically) on the dog's hierarchy, without affecting it permanently.

This is MUCH more difficult for a dog to understand and is the situation where problems are more likely (again, sorry, I'm not meaning to be negative... but I think you have to tackle any issues you have about the dog NOW)

YANBU at all and I am a dog lover.

I dont like 'baby' dogs at all. IMO they are 'dangerous' dogs. They do not know their place in the pack and are the most likely to bite.

I have just got a teeny little dog which is a shamless attempt at giving my comfort after a horrible loss. BUT even this darling little scrap knows very well its a DOG. Because I have children and I dont want them hurt.

The car thing. Even if your baby were not in the car I cannot imagine why anyone would want a huge dog careering into the back of their head if they stopped suddenly. SHe needs to get a crate, guard or seatbelt.

I do happen to think that dogs and children do mix but only if its managed well. Your MIL may be thinking about these issues already but you do need to tactfully raise any worries you have.

Good luck.

dribblychops - I grew up with a large number of dogs and am a dog lover but would never ever let a dog be alone with a small child. Dogs can get very jealous and can do severe damage to a child as we all have seen on terrible TV news stories in the last few years.

underfledtoscotland - totally agree with everything you say.

A loose dog in a car can be extremely dangerous to the driver if it is thrown forward or just interferes.

My parents also use the baby gate arrangment with dogs in their house. A very good solution if you have visitors but do not want to totally exclude the dog.

NO NO NO No NO

There are so many sad stories about horrible things being done to babies by grandparent's dogs

YANBU, at all, I wouldn't want a dog in the habit of dismembering things anywhere near a child of mine. No way, no how. I say that as a dog lover, dog owner, and someone with more than the average knowledge of the subject. All the child would have to do would be to inadvertently trigger a hunting response in the dog. Even a responsible adult nearby wouldn't be able to do much with a dog that size.

I don't envy you the conversation with your MIL.

ABSOLUTELY YOU MUST TALK TO HER - sorry but i would not be happy with this at all. I LOVE dogs, Kerry will tell you that much

A lot of the horrible stories about dogs in the news have been about grandparents dogs - and that is for a reason. The dogs get confused by the "interlopers" and try and assert themselves, or just get stressed and loose their patience, with awful results.

Secondly, you say it likes to chase and dismemeber??? That is a very strong instinct in a dog once it is there - so that would be anything small, potentially quick, with high pitched voices - ah, you know, just like a 1 yo child. Seriously, this is my major concern here and would be the deal breaker - the dog has already shown it has a high prey motivation and to the dog your child is just another prey animal. Based on this i would absolutely not consider this to be a good idea.

Thirdly - the breed combo is actually not a good one. I love dobermans but would never have one around a child (i have however owned rotweillers with small children) - they are far too highly strung and over sensitive. Often dobey/lab mixes tend to be scatty and unpredictable ime.

She is breaking the law by not having the dog either in the back of an estate or unrestricted. The dog absolutely must be wearing a doggy seatbelt - can you imagine the damage that a potentially 8 stone dog would cause crashing into the front seat?

I think it is shit too that the dog would be in the garage all day - unfair on the dog and will lead to problems as the dog will get bored and anxious

On the whole i reckon its a recipe for disaster! Sorry.

I definately dont think yabu at all! I had major problems with my mil and her previous dog. It was a nasty dog that had attacked people a number of times and was constantly after other dogs. Totally unpredictable. However mil was utterly and totally blind to this. She used to say she's done these things but she has never attacked a child. I used to go through nightmares every time I visited with my ds1 (ds2 wasn't here then). Ds1 was only a toddler then (and before that a crawler obviously) and I had to ensure totally single handedly that the two (dog and child) were never together. Mil would mostly put the dog in the kitchen (although not always) however there is no kitchen door in her house and everytime I closed the living room door she would immediately and determinedly open it again! DS1 used to spend his entire time crawling/toddling to the kitchen and I would spend my entire time fetching him back. If I went to the toilet (and believe I tried not to!) I know where he would be usually with mil completely ignoring the situation and ds1 poking prodding the dog. Or worse noone was in the kitchen and ds was alone with the dog! If I told my mil I don't trust the dog with him she would just reply "I do!" Where was dh when this was going on with his head behind a paper, or pretending to be asleep despite promising faithfully he would carefully watch ds. This was because he didn't want to confront his mother. Used to dread visiting the stress was terrible (for me atleast) So yanbu your babys safety comes first you must talk to your mil definately!

Is that true, LEM? Do dogs HAVE to be contained in some way in cars?

I never restrained Ddog before DS came along (though now, he travels, restrained, in the boot)... He isn't the type to jump about so I never saw the need to harness him on his own, but I couldn't risk checking DS and finding Ddog licking his face or something (about the worst thing Ddog could inflict!)

I do agree with the points raised about the hunting instinct, though, OP.... When PG with DS, my dog was playing with another dog who chased and caught (nd killed) a rabbit. My dog came and hid behind my legs with a pleading look that said 'make the squealing stop'... I knew at that point I would have a problem when DS was born. I think I would have worried if he'd suffered from 'red mist' (as a lot of dogs do, when they smell blood)

haribo, i wouldn't bet a pot of elmlea on it but i think that is the case. This is only because when we got a doggy shrink for our rotty he was adamant that he had to be restrained in the car and said it was the law - he was an ex police dog trainer. I could be wrong, but it is definately sensible. We used to have our other rotty loose in our car and I would often turn to say something to DP and be met wiht his slobbering jowls and a huge kiss

I don't think there are any laws about restraining dogs in cars in this country.

im willing to stand corrected dexter - not 100% sure. But anyway, thats still a big issue for the OP, i remember my rotty stomping on me in the back of the car - not great

it is the law. last year someone in perthshire got fined for having a dog loose in the car and it jumping round. think its seen as a distraction to the driver.

the highway code says " When in a vehicle make sure dogs or other animals are suitably restrained so they cannot distract you while you are driving or injure you if you stop quickly."

Sorry but in your shoes I'd be looking at a nursery or a nanny. so many ifs and buts, and things to be done to make the situation safe that I'd think "Is it worth it ?"

It may be the law in Scotland but I googled it and couldn't find anything about it being an actual law in England. The Highway Code is only saying that dogs should be restrained not that they have to be.

So would I! How would you know for sure that she isn't putting the two together? Do you really think your mil is going to put her "baby" in the garage all day? Theres just too many uncertainties here and as I discovered people can be incredibly blind as regards their pets. My mil loves her dgc believe me I know she does but regarding her dog she was utterly and completely blind. Don't ask me to explain this because I really can't!

xposts! I meant I too would be looking for a nanny or nursery!

dexter73 - just checked with DH and he said that they woman was fined as she wasnt paying "due care & attention" to the road because her dog was loose in the car distracting her. its not specifically a scottish law.