AIBU to worry about MILs dog and DD

[dribblychops]

Am new to mumsnet so don't eat me alive!

To cut a long story short - when I return to work my MIL will be looking after DD one day a week (she will be a year old then). I am very appreciative obviously but....

I get on well with her but am not so keen on her dog (a doberman labrador cross). I am fond of dogs generally just not this one - she is friendly but I think she would be jealous and MIL lives alone so she is the 'baby'. This dog likes to chase and dismember anything cat or rabbit like. She hasn't shown any aggression towards DD but is interested in her IYKWIM.

Anyway, MIL will be coming to our house with the dog which will stay in the garage as we have cats. Normally when she drives the dog is loose in the car and jumps all over the back seat. I'm worried because she wants to take DD out in the car and I don't think it's safe to have the dog loose at the same time. I think the main contact DD and the dog will have is on walks together so it's not like she'll be stealing the dog's toys indoors or anything.

Am I being paranoid?

DH is worried too and is thinking of talking to her. Thing is she is doing us a favour and we don't want to offend her but I think sometimes pet owners are blinded to their pets bad habits! I'm also worried about her driving but that's a separate issue....!

YANBU my MIL's dog is their baby and gets very jealous when any of the grandchildren are around. Luckily my MIL is totally aware of it and is very careful to ensure the dog is kept away or on a leash. You must, must talk to her about it. It may be awkward but just think how much you would regret not having that conversation if something happens. If you do discuss with her but you still aren't happy then please go with your instincts and find another option. It's too big a risk to take.

No, YANBU. If you are at all concerned, you must not allow your DD to be in contact with this dog, particularly if it is just your DD, your MIL and her dog if the dog gets jealous.

Here follows a story of caution...

A good friend, her DH & their 12 month old DS went to stay at a friend of theirs in the Far East. Her friend has a couple of rescue dogs. My DF left her baby with her friend for 10 minutes or so while she showered & got herself ready (their DHs were out for the day). The friend & my DF's baby were playing on the floor and one of the dogs basically got jealous and managed to bite the baby in his face. Luckily (!) it was just that one bite. Blood everywhere, visit to the hospital & the poor little boy had to have 40 stitches in his face.

This all happened a couple of weeks ago & I am actually fuming about it (have been debating whether or not to post about it today in fact). The dog is still alive & well as 'thankfully' my DF is 'sensible' about these things and realised that the dog did not mean it, it was not the dog's fault, blardy, blardy, blah. I adore dogs. I grew up on a farm & was around animals (including a couple of dogs) for all of my childhood. I still think though that dogs (particularly large ones) and small children just do not mix.

Please keep your DD away from your MIL's dog.

no, YANBU. Any dog would be a risk, honestly, especially as small DC do like to pull on their ears/tails etc., but a Doberman-labrador cross? I wouldn't have it in the same building, let alone mobile enclosed space. I see that she would keep it in the garage but if she wants to go out and about in the car with the dog and your DD, she HAS to HAS to HAS to get a dog guard and keep it in the boot.

I agree with all the dog lovers here. I am one myself and have owned 4 Dobermanns in the past...they are wonderful dogs utterly loyal and very loving but I would never trust one with a child ( the origional name Dobermann Pincher means Dobermanns Terrier..they have ratter instincts and that is why your mils attacks small animals)
Dogs should always be restrained in a car for their own and the drivers safety, especially in an accident. My current dog is always clipped with a double ended chain to the luggage restraint rings in the rear of our estate...When we had a saloon he wore the seat belt restraint already mentioned but I think it would still give too much freedom of movement near a child.
The dog will not be coming in your house so you wont need to insist on gates at doorways (we have them throughout our bungalow ... more to protect the dog than our ds) and on walks the dog will probably be more interested in the excersise than in the child but you do need to have a gentle word with your mil and express your concerns to see if she can allay some of your fears.

I don't trust my Cavalier spaniel alone with my baby! I love my dog very much. But... she's an animal, and kids can be provocative, and jealousy is a powerful thing. I just do not want to risk it.

People are so blind about their pets. My uncle has a downright dangerous rescue terrier, and though I love him, being experienced with dogs, I won't have my baby in the same house - and all the family are the same, including his own kids. He is nonplussed and thinks we're all being grossly unfair.

Just not worth the risk, IMO. YANBU at all.

I must admit, I agree with Sails...

if the dog really is her baby, she's probably not going to leave him in the garage all day (if this was the case, why not leave him at home all together??)

I'm biased, though, cos that's exactly the sort of thing my parents would do: Promise me one thing but do exactly as they please once I'm out of the room / house...

Another cautionary tale here

As you can see my MIL's loyalties were totally wrong confused in this instance to the point where she actually went into complete denial about what happened - last time she visited she brought the dog into our house again and sat next to him saying 'it's ok' to me every time dd walked past - was angry with myself for not telling her to get the dog out of our house (dp and I agreed we would not put dd or the dog in that position again till dd was old enough to understand she had to leave him alone - and let her know this), but was so shocked by her brass neck, total disregard for our wishes and for the wellbeing of dd and her dog.

When I was 8 or so the neighbour's baby was attacked by their alsation. Back in those days in Liverpool 8, people would leave their babies outside the house in prams.

I remember that the dog took the baby out of the pram and shook it like a terrier with a rat.

The child's father wrestled with the dog to get the baby off it. Huge amounts of blood on the pavement. Ambulance and police were called but the father killed the dog with a hammer before the police arrived (I was 8 and that freaked me out). This was a loved and trusted family pet that all of us kids in the street had played with.

The little girl had terrible scars - I wouldn't think they would ever fade.

When DD1 was a toddler my ex's sister had a boyfriend with a nasty little Jack Russel that was always growling at DD1 when she was any where near the bloke. With the memories I had, I just had to ban the dog from ever coming into the house. I don't care if they say it wouldn't hurt a fly or any of that old crap you hear from dog owners. They can turn in a second.

Another cautionary tale here

As you can see my MIL's loyalties were totally wrong confused in this instance to the point where she actually went into complete denial about what happened - last time she visited she brought the dog into our house again and sat next to him saying 'it's ok' to me every time dd walked past - was angry with myself for not telling her to get the dog out of our house (dp and I agreed we would not put dd or the dog in that position again till dd was old enough to understand she had to leave him alone - and let her know this), but was so shocked by her brass neck, total disregard for our wishes and for the wellbeing of dd and her dog.

whoops

YANBU. It's also not fair on the dog to be locked in the garage.

Tbh, I cannot see where the op said the dog and child would be left alone together.
Yanbu but you need to speak to mil.

knickers, i THINK that she said somewhere in the thread that she is not 100% sure she can trust her MIL to leave the dog in the shed. Besides that, it is absolutely unfair on the dog to be locked in the shed all day - why doesn't she just leave it home?? She could walk it before she leaves and it will be a much happier dog!

That's a horrendous story 27T.

YANBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would not leave my child in the house where a strange dog lives, be it a poodle for all I care (dobermans etc. terrify ME to bits, never mind a small child), plenty of horror stories in the press constantly.

BPP - still remember it in full colour like it was yesterday.

One of the reasons I prefer cats to dogs.

I also think dogs are SO fake.... All that I really love you crap. Cats tell it like it is.

Don't do it
I think the dog would be happier home alone than in your garage anyway

I absoulutely wouldn't allow it. I don't know why people are so scared to confront their MILs.

I don't know your financial situation, but could you find a dogless childminder instead? If that dog hurt your child, you'll feel terrible for putting your child in that situation just to save money.

I don't think people leave their DC's with grandparents to save money! When DD1 was small i left her with my parents - this meant i could go to college/work/university. I wouldn't have left her anywhere else. Now i have DD2 and as it happens i have been a SAHM, but had i worked i would used a CM or nursery as my mum no longer fit enough but a family member would always be my first choice, but not because of the money.

NO NO NO!!! To echo almost everyone else on here - don't do it. Pay for nursery or a childminder!

Dont do it - my Mum is the same with her dog, if the dog isnt wearing a muzzle (although never shown any nastyness) then DD and I dont go round - simple

NOT WORTH THE RISK

you must say some thing to your MIL

My mum has a huge mutt with no manners, i absolutely wouldnt trust him with DD. We do visit and i have actually left her there for short periods of time but the dog is secured outside in kitchen by dog gate (tall baby gate) and my mother is vigilant and would never let them together - but i wouldn't leave my DD there for longer than say an hour because it would be difficult for my mum to separate dog and child for longer than that.

Thanks - did not think IWBU. It scares the pants off me TBH. I would feel happier if she left the dog at home and we paid a dog walker to come in a take the dog out for a pee which is why she can't leave it home all day.
It is a strange situation. The dog is ok but as has been mentioned I think would get red mist in certain situations.
I will be working 2 days a week and MIL will be doing one day and FIL and wife doing the other. MIL would be v v v upset to be excluded from childcare arrangements.
I think if we maybe said no dog at all, ever then the situation wouldn't be complicated with her letting DD and the dog have contact. We'll have to hope she doesn't take offence. To cap it all off the dog ate a dead goose the other day so it's bloody unhygenic!

Ah, if it is only to be for one day then she can leave the dog at home - it wont die!!!! I would be adamant, she doesn't bring the dog - end of story.