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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potentially awkward situation with childminding friend - please help me work out if IABU?

63 replies

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:12

One of my closest friends is a childminder and currently has a little boy for 2 full days (10 hrs) a week at £30 per session, plus ds for 3 hrs twice a week, for which we pay £15 each time - £5 per hour.

Things aren't working out with the little boy she looks after so I've offered her ds for 2 full days as I'd like to up my hours at work. We agreed the days and all was well until she mentioned that she'd like to raise her fees from the £30 per day she currently charges the little boy's parents to £40 per day for me, so that she wouldn't need to work any other days in the week. She'd have him for 7-8 hours per day. The going rate in our area is £25-30 per day.

This just isn't sitting well with me. DH earns well so in theory we could afford it, but it would wipe out my earnings before we start. WWYD? I feel so awkward talking about money, especially with a good friend and there is no way I would ever expect any discounts or preferential treatment but this feels to be going completely the opposite way.

OP posts:

laweaselmys · 09/03/2009 13:14

I'd ask why the fees are being raised.

Say that if you're honest, you feel unhappy about being asked to pay more than the going rate in the area, given that what you were offering to pay was already at the top end. I would be unhappy too, it's not your job to pay extra so she can have a day off just because you're her friend. It would feel like emotional blackmail to me.

nailpolish · 09/03/2009 13:17

tellher youve changed you r mind and want to keep it at 3 hr sessions because you think £40 is too much

she sounds so lazy - she is raisingher fees cos she thinks she canget away with it as you are her mate - if she wants to earn mor money she needs to work for it like we all do

ConnorTraceptive · 09/03/2009 13:18

This wouldn't sit well with me either. I would just say "Sorry, we didn't budget that sort of cost for childcare, I will totally understand if you want to offer the place to someone else"

I seriously doubt she is going to find someone who is going to pay £10 above the going rate

Original poster

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:20

She is a fantastic childminder, which is why we've paid top rate so far, but it doesn't seem right that she would charge us differently from others, I think purely because she knows our financial circumstances. I think her DH is pushing it, he is lovely but the type to exploit any situation to the max. I could tell she felt awkward.
Should I maybe offer to meet in the middle at £35? Or should I just look elsewhere?

OP posts:

laweaselmys · 09/03/2009 13:22

I would just say point blank that it's too much. Why compromise? If it's coming from her DP you're certainly not going to offend her, and it won't give him any ideas about trying to push it up again in the future.

traceybath · 09/03/2009 13:23

Say you can't afford that - she doesn't know your whole financial situation - for all she knows you could have massive debts!

I'd also perhaps fib and say its coming out of your wages and at that price it just doesn't make sense so you'll just keep your ds doing the reduced sessions.

However if i were you i'd look elsewhere - friends and money/business just don't mix in my experience.

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 13:23

just say to her you're sorry you'd presumed it would be the same rate as for the other boy and you'll have to think about it before committing and see what she comes back with

I think its a bit odd that she's upping to over the going rate tbh - its not up to you to pay for her to have days off iyswim and if she needs to earn more she can take on another child when she doesn't have your DS

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 13:24

and agree with traceybath - I used to childmind for a 'friend' and it all went horribly wrong too

noonar · 09/03/2009 13:24

how very, very cheeky of her. a 33% increase in fees is way, way over the top! she's nuts.

nailpolish · 09/03/2009 13:26

no dont meet her halfway, why sholuld you?

do as someoen else said and tell her you want to think aobut it and see if she gets bak to you

GColdtimer · 09/03/2009 13:27

she is putting her rates up by 30% so she can have an extra day off . What a blood check.

Just tell her that you either stick to the £30 or you will have to find someone else. there is noway anyone is going to pay between 30-50% higher than the going rate.

I also agree that business and friendship just don't mix, its really tricky.

MilaMae · 09/03/2009 13:27

I can see both sides as I'm a childminder.

I think the fact your son would be getting 1 to 1 care (I'd get it drawn up in the contract that there would be no other children on those days) is maybe part of her argument. I'm presuming any future parents would be charged your price from now on.

It's also not unusual for childminders to raise fees(we were told on our training course that we should be raising them yearly)however she can't get upset if you say sorry it's too much for us.

I keep my numbers low and charge 50p more per hour than the majority round here but that's so I can offer good quality care. I know some who charge even more and because the parents like the setting they pay no quibbles.

I'd decide if you can afford it first then say yes or no accordingly. I think the fact she is fantastic is something to bare in mind.

GColdtimer · 09/03/2009 13:28

obviously I meant bloody cheek. And no, don't offer to meet her halfway.

GColdtimer · 09/03/2009 13:32

Milamae, of course you should adjust your prices every year but by over 30%? And the OP hasn't asked that the childminder only has her DS - if she had asked for exclusivity then of course that changes things with regards to the pricing. If its the childminder's choice then the parents shouldn't expect to pay a premium.

Original poster

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:35

thanks everyone, this has been really helpful. I really don't want to fall out with her. I think some of this has stemmed from the fact that we did once pay £40 for ds1 when she first started up her business. She had him from 8am-6pm. Once he moved on to preschool she couldn't get anyone else at that price and dropped her prices.

We knew then we were paying over the odds but weighed it up as MilaMae has described and decided it was worth it for a full day of quality childcare. This time it isn't feeling right and I don't want to go with it and then feel resentful.

OP posts:

Gorionine · 09/03/2009 13:35

Kettlechip, is she upping to £40.- just for you? From your OP I thought that would from now on be the new fee that she would chargeany new mindees. In any case, if you find it too expensive it is up to you to find another cheaper CM.

Maybe, if you change CM, she will charge £60.- a day so she does not have to increase the work days.

I find MilaMae's post realy good BTW.

MilaMae · 09/03/2009 13:37

I still think it's her call if thats what she wants to do,childminders like everybody can raise their prices whenever they want.

However I would be annoyed if it was only me being charged that price,if others will then be charged the same there is nothing wrong with that.

People can vote with their feet if she is fantastic people will probably pay a premium regardless. If they don't then it's a risk the childminder has to take.

oldraver · 09/03/2009 13:37

I think she is already charging you OTT £5/hour as opposed to £3/hour she was charging the other mindee. I can understand this a little as she had him for less hours so think now your wanting to INCREASE the hours the rate should come down, if she has him for 7 hrs the hourly rate is going up form £5 which frankly isnt on

I think she is trying to take advantage pushed to by hubby. I had this happen to me when my last childminder was told to stop her Avon by hubby as it was taking up to much time and his answer was to make the money up from ME by changing my contract. I soon found an alternative

Tell her it wouldn't be financially viable to pay what she wants

Original poster

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:38

I think she would probably just have ds because of the ages of her own ds' so need to take that into account I guess. Does £4 per hour plus money for meals sound reasonable? (bearing in mind we live in an area where wages are very low.) That would take it to about £35. Going to ring round a couple of nurseries now to get an idea of what they charge.

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 09/03/2009 13:39

Sounds like she might be taking advantage of your friendship. Not nice

llareggub · 09/03/2009 13:41

One of the reasons why I left my childminder was because she put her prices up by £1.50 per hour with no real justification. It just doesn't feel reasonable. I'd find a way to back out, personally.

MilaMae · 09/03/2009 13:41

I charge £4 an hour(I have a degree in early years)then provide meals,snacks and Toddler fees as the baby I mind is just 1.

When she's older I'll probably ask for meals too as she'll be eating more.

Original poster

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:42

oldraver, I think you're spot on btw. The justification is as she's losing the money from ds for his 2 half sessions a week, it will need to be made up by us in the 2 longer sessions so she doesn't lose out. It definitely sounds like her DH's idea! The more I think about it the more it's riling me.

OP posts:

MilaMae · 09/03/2009 13:42

Round here the going rate is £3.50, I have a friend who asks for £4.50 nobody has ever quibbled it.

Original poster

kettlechip · 09/03/2009 13:50

Thanks MilaMae, that sounds like I am being reasonable offering that amount then. I think I will go back to her with the offer and then totally leave it if she doesn't agree to it.

She's said that if I can't pay her £40 she might have to take on a full time CM job instead to make ends meet (and has implied how miserable this will make her). It isn't my responsibility to cover their deficit though is it? I feel very bad that they have to worry about money, but just don't want to be taken advantage of.

OP posts:

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