Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really quite upset about this "joke"

82 replies

emkana · 08/03/2009 21:35

A friend of mine has just been headhunted.

In an (online) exchange about this I said "I can't see that ever happening to me" (been SAHM for eight years)

So friend says "Well they do need good sandwich makers in McDonalds"

(Which was brought on by me complaining about the groundhog doggishness of having to make sandwiches again)

aibu not to see the funny side?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/03/2009 21:37

yabu, that is bitchy especially when you had been compimentary about her

PottyCock · 08/03/2009 21:39

I don't think she meant to be mean - in context - if you had been complaining about the sarnies thing, it's not nasty is it?

scrooged · 08/03/2009 21:40

That's really not nice. Poor you, I'm not surprised you are upset.

Original poster
emkana · 08/03/2009 21:40

I don't know, I think in that context it would have been nicer to say something about my "achievements" instead

OP posts:
muffle · 08/03/2009 21:41

Weeeellll... I can see why you're sensitive about it, but if she said it in direct response to your sandwich moan, it could have just been meant as a light-hearted quip. Maybe a bit thoughtless but not that bad.

Is there an underlying issue for you - eg do you wish you could work, do you feel you're missing out, or are under-appreciated?

JemL · 08/03/2009 21:42

SHe is probably thinking back to it now and thinking,shit I hope that didn't come across really bitchy when I made that joke!

If she isn't a catty sort of person anyway, I'm sure she just wasn't thinking how it might sound at the time.

Original poster
emkana · 08/03/2009 21:42

No I love being a SAHM, always have, and wouldn't change a thing, but it does annoy me that the status of being a SAHM is so low

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 08/03/2009 21:43

Ouch
A little close to the mark I think- especially as you made it obvious that you're feeling sensitive about it.

She sounds a bit condescending.

Original poster
emkana · 08/03/2009 21:43

It was in a chat situation and my only reply was "grrr"

OP posts:
HelpwithNameNeeded · 08/03/2009 21:43

Its a joke. You are being too sensitive

PottyCock · 08/03/2009 21:43

Only you know her - I don't think from what you've posted that it sounds like a really nasty comment....on the other hand, if you're feeling particularly sensitive and she knows that, then perhaps it was mean..don't know.

It's exactly the sort of thing I can imagine one particular friend of mine saying (my bf), but completely without malice, and to try and make light of any complaining I was doing, iyswim.

muffle · 08/03/2009 21:45

The thing is, coming directly in response to your sandwich comment, it was probably a "witty" one-liner that misfired. If she'd said out of the blue that as a SAHM, you're only fit to flip burgers, that would have been bitchy and nasty.

morningsun · 08/03/2009 21:45

if she had meant all you can do is make sandwiches that would be mean but she was just making a quip about what you yourself had been complaining about,
yabu it was a friendly joke,not against you.

JemL · 08/03/2009 21:47

AND to be honest...if your response to her news about being headhunted was to turn it onto yourself, perhaps she might have been a bit offended herself - if you haven't woth for 8 years and she presumably has she might feel her achievement was being a bit slighted?

KiwiKat · 08/03/2009 21:51

If you had been joking about sandwiches earlier, why is it suddenly not funny now?

edam · 08/03/2009 21:51

I think she was just responding to your comment with a quip.

firstontheway · 08/03/2009 21:51

meh, sounds like something I would say

I think this really depends o your relationship with her, and how she is with you usually. I think I could say this to any of my friends and no-one would be offended. Similarly, I would not be upset by it either.

If she's usually a nice person, you're overreacting- probably because it was 'online' and not face to face and therefore there was no tone to your voices and both of you obviously misunderstood the connetation in the other's comments.

noonki · 08/03/2009 21:58

sorry yabu and oversensitive.

However I feel as a predominantly sahm that I would be better suited as a UN peacekeeper than working at MDs

Rhubarb · 08/03/2009 22:00

Unfortunately not many people have mastered the art of tactfulness.

Some people are better off just not opening their mouths are they?

Original poster
emkana · 08/03/2009 22:03

I had said well done to her being headhunted, to which she said "first time in my life" and then I said that it would never happen to me.

The thing is I hadn't actually joked about making sandwiches, I said how much I hated it.

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 08/03/2009 22:04

I do think it's understandable for you to be upset, though. She could have been far more tactful.

lisad123 · 08/03/2009 22:05

i would take it as a joke tbh, sounds like something my friends would say to me

DeeBlindMice · 08/03/2009 22:09

It's the McDonald's thing that makes this comment seem nasty, because working at McDonald's has become code for being useless.

If she'd said "maybe Pret a Manger will come looking for a top sandwich designer!" you probably would have just laughed

I suspect it was a joke that misfired, but YANBU to be a little miffed by it. I would let it go though, it's not a big deal.

Original poster
emkana · 08/03/2009 22:11

That's exactly it deeblindmice.

I won't say anything

OP posts:
Heylittlelady · 08/03/2009 22:24

YANBU to be upset.

After all she could have said something like "I'm sure you'd get snapped up fast!", which is what I'd say to my SAH friend in that particular exchange.

However I would judge this by if it's a one-off comment and she's usually very supportive, or if you suspect she does see you as McDonald's material, whatever that means to her.

If it's a one-off then put it down to an unfortunate sort of remark that we've all made from time to time not meaning to be awful (I cringe at one or two things I've said, likewise, have had said to me by GOOD friends completely missing the mark)

If she is a little condescending in general then feign disinterest very subtley when she's talking about her new job and go on about ME ME ME instead, and don't be so bloody generous to her in future!