Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to pay for DH's stuff I have destroyed?

75 replies

SourCreamnChive · 08/03/2009 09:34

I got so sick of DH leaving his clothes all over for me to pick up that I told him I would throw away anything I found on the floor as though it was rubbish.

He didn't believe me. So, I began throwing away boxer shorts and socks whenever I found them slung on the floor. I hid a pair of his jeans and a coupl of t-shirts that I found on the floor saying that I'd thrown them too (althought wouldn't).

Anyway this morning he went to get changed and has no clean boxer shorts. He went mental saying I would now go out and buy him a load of new underwear from my own money. TODAY.

I told him to piss off.

AIBU? I'm so angry.

OP posts:

belgo · 08/03/2009 09:36

oh dear. ARe they not still in the bin?

Original poster

SourCreamnChive · 08/03/2009 09:37

A few are but I've been doing it over the course of a few weeks so most have gone.

OP posts:

slayerette · 08/03/2009 09:37

It seems a little extreme to throw his clothes away. TBH, I wouldn't believe my DH if he made a threat like that. Surely if you wanted to make a point, it would have been enough to leave them on the floor and refuse to wash them - he would still have had no clean boxers and might have been more receptive to the point you were trying to make.

choosyfloosy · 08/03/2009 09:39

I would be pretty fed up if dh threw my stuff away in any circumstances (in fact he once did throw something of mine away and it has been a bugbear ever since).

You are NBU for being fed up with him leaving his stuff around, but tbh I would just leave it on the floor rather than pick it up to throw it away.

Does he have any underwear at all now, or just dirty stuff? If the latter then certainly don't buy any more, he can wear dirty. If the former, well I do feel for him slightly.

tbh IMO you both need to step back from this confrontation and find a slightly better way forward...

kayzr · 08/03/2009 09:39

I think YABU. Hide them yes but don't actually throw them away. The least you can do is replace them.

hercules1 · 08/03/2009 09:39

I would be cross with you and wouldnt have believed you'd do it. But I wouldnt leave pants and socks on the floor in the first place for someone else to pick up. Difficult one.

duchesse · 08/03/2009 09:39

His problem. If he his stuff that much he wouldn't throw it around and leave it on the floor.

The alternative would be to gather everything up into a binbag and put it in the attic, and let him retrieve it from there.

SweetestThing · 08/03/2009 09:40

He was warned what would happen. He chose to ignore it.You did what you said.

YANBU.

dragonbutter · 08/03/2009 09:41

i think if you back down now, you won't have made the point fully.
if he has to go out and replace his undies, he might put them away where you can't see them in future.

mind you, sounds like you guys have a bit of a day ahead of you, if it's not resolved soon.

violethill · 08/03/2009 09:41

Agree with slayer.
Noone ever forced you to pick his clothes up and wash them. You could have just stopped doing that without binning them.

Maybe he'll now go round the house throwing your belongings away if he doesn't like where you've left them.....

belgo · 08/03/2009 09:43

IME just leaving them on the floor and refusing to wash them doesn't work. He would probably still not pick them up, except to wear them dirty.

I can see why you did what you did.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 08/03/2009 09:44

I don't think yabu. I recently spent about 3 ours tidying, cleaning and decorating our bedroom. I thought it would make DH fel better as he is going through a bad time right now and I thought it would cheer him up.

The room is now, once again merely a dumping ground fo hs clothes. If they are not moved by tomorrow they will be going in the bin.

bigTillyMint · 08/03/2009 09:46

Whilst I can see exactly why you did what you did, I think you have to ask yourself -Would you want him to throw away your stuff if he felt it was left in an inappropriate place, after he had warned you , etc.

I would be REALLY upset if DH did it to me (fat chance! )

But I also agree that if you back down now, your point is completely lost.

MaryBS · 08/03/2009 09:46

Couldn't you have just hidden them? Like you did with the other clothes?

I would love to be in a situation where I could waste money like that

Coldtits · 08/03/2009 09:48

YANBU - I have lived with a 'dumper' and I know that they don't care how messy and dirty the place gets as long as they don't have to pick it up. DON'T replace his boxer shorts, make him get them himself.

Personally I wouldn't be happy at having my underwear thrown away, but then I don't leave dirty underwear lying around for someone else to pick up!

mrsjammi · 08/03/2009 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lindenlass · 08/03/2009 09:54

I think you have more relationship issues than just some dirty pants if you are both behaving like this!

I would have been pissed off too, but prob would have just collected it all in a big binsack for him to wash. We share our money because we promised to when we got married so it wouldn't be an issue of me buying him more and would be daft for me to throw them away as we'd then be short of money later on when we had to replace them.

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 08/03/2009 09:59

my dh does this.

I refuse to wash anything that isn't in the wash basket.

georgimama · 08/03/2009 10:00

I don't see why you should have had to live with his dirty stuff strewn about as other posters suggest.

YANBU.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/03/2009 10:02

I wouldnt have chucked them, prlly put them back shoved in the bottom of his wardrobe so at least my bedroomed looked nice and tidy.

on the otyher hand, he can get cheap underwear form Primark or the market or something.

Question is tho, will he now stop doing it, or are you guys just going to have a massive row and go right back to where you were?

ithinkimtallandblonde · 08/03/2009 10:05

How old is your Dh? 3?
YABU

sayithowitis · 08/03/2009 10:06

Sorry, but I think you are both acting like children. I also suspect that if you had posted to say that your DH was throwing away your things that had been left on the floor, you would be getting replies from other posters calling him all the names under the sun and insisting that you make him replace the items or worse, that you use his credit card to do so yourself. I agree that you shouldn't have to pick up his dirty stuff and it's not nice to have it all over the floor, but i would have just dumped it all on his side of the bedroom and then left it for him to either put in the washing bin or to wash it himself. You would have still made your point as he would still have had no clean clothes to wear. I do think that in throwing his stuff away, you have lost whatever 'moral highground' you had!

Dillydaydreamer · 08/03/2009 10:08

Throwing them away just seems really silly tbh. Obviously you are a couple so it just means a dent in the family budget without good reason. Yes YANBU to be annoyed at the mess but YABVU to throw them away. What a waste of money!

LucyEllensmummy · 08/03/2009 10:46

great relationship you have there

RubyRioja · 08/03/2009 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread