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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to pay for DH's stuff I have destroyed?

75 replies

SourCreamnChive · 08/03/2009 09:34

I got so sick of DH leaving his clothes all over for me to pick up that I told him I would throw away anything I found on the floor as though it was rubbish.

He didn't believe me. So, I began throwing away boxer shorts and socks whenever I found them slung on the floor. I hid a pair of his jeans and a coupl of t-shirts that I found on the floor saying that I'd thrown them too (althought wouldn't).

Anyway this morning he went to get changed and has no clean boxer shorts. He went mental saying I would now go out and buy him a load of new underwear from my own money. TODAY.

I told him to piss off.

AIBU? I'm so angry.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2009 10:54

You are treating your husband like a child and surprise surprise he is acting like one. YABU.

RubyRioja · 08/03/2009 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2009 10:59

But most people only act like children if they are permitted to do so or treated in that way.

twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2009 10:59

But most people only act like children if they are permitted to do so or treated in that way.

violethill · 08/03/2009 11:02

I agree twinset.

I don't get this idea of two adults behaving as though one is the parent and one the child. He can pick up and wash his own clothes. And if he doesn't, kick them into a corner and wait for him to run out of clean clothes - he'll quickly learn how to switch on the washing machine.

Ronaldinhio · 08/03/2009 11:02

Up to him what he does with his clothes in terms of picking them up and cleaning them etc I would assume so why did you pick them up and bin them?
Were you muttering "he treats this place like a hotel.." whilst doing so?

YABU

If you are a lot tidier than him speak to him calmly and let him know how it makes you feel and what level of untidyness you can cope with...compromise your standards a bit to meet with his
Remind him of the agreement

Stop wasting money and acting in this passive aggressive fashion

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 08/03/2009 11:05

yabu

people are entitled to leave what they want on the floor in their own house

you're the idiot for picking them up

you'd have been much better saying politely and firmly if you choose to do the washing that only stuff in the washing basket gets washed

RubyRioja · 08/03/2009 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2009 11:09

My dp is much tidier than me and every now and again he will say to me twinset you need to help, or twinset you have a pile of clothes appearing. He would never ever throw anything out.

Longtalljosie · 08/03/2009 11:13

If you go out and buy new underwear, all he will take from this is that you were in the wrong. He'll forget why you did it in the first place.

Stand your ground. Or pick up dirty trolleys for as long as you both shall live...

unfitmother · 08/03/2009 11:14

YABU but so is he.

He sounds like a lazy slob but did you need to throw them all away?

My money, your money - charming!

peachyfox · 08/03/2009 12:16

I did this once when I shared a house with 4 boys. Every time they left their socks on the sitting room floor (always) I put them in a bag I kept in a cupboard. It was really funny when they started to complain about lack of socks. I returned the big smelly bag to them when we moved out 2 years later. There was no way any one of them could say 'I never did that' because socks in bag = guilty.

Sorry about your row, he's right to be cross about stuff being thrown away but you're right to want to do something about him being slovenly.

Don't go right out and replace them today - you'll feel shit for doing as you're told without your views being taken into account.

Say you're sorry and aware you went too far but he wasn't listening to anything else and you reached the end of your tether.

Surely it's not a deal-breaker? Just normal rows like anyone has, you'll end up laughing about it (one day...)

Hope you salvage your weekend@

saintmaybe · 08/03/2009 12:45

A normal row like anyone has? Anyone who's 10 maybe.

mayorquimby · 08/03/2009 13:02

yabu
it doesnt mayyer if he was "warned" as some have said as it's not a warning you had a right to give. by all means argue with him,refuse to pick them up or clean them. but you can't destroy others property because they are doing something with it that you don't like just by virtue that they are your partner.
you should apologise and replace them.

2rebecca · 08/03/2009 13:22

I would never do that as my husbands money is also my money. He's actually tidier than me. If he did chuck things on the floor I'd go for the put them in a bin bag and tell him he can sort out washing them when he can be bothered to put them in the washing machine if he can't be bothered to put them in the washing basket. We both know how to work the washing machine so this waouldn't really happen though.

peachyfox · 08/03/2009 13:55

saintmaybe I thought everyone had rows about stupid things? Oh, so it's just us! It would be truer to say most couples have stupid rows about things that are not stupid at all. The division of labour gets to many of us at times.

Blottedcopybook · 08/03/2009 14:01

I'm surprised at all the people saying YABU when you were explicit that this would be the consequence of him refusing to alter his behaviour! Maybe I just see your perspective more clearly because my house is never tidy and it frustrates and upsets me beyond belief.

Original poster
SourCreamnChive · 08/03/2009 14:03

Why should I have to live with shitty boxers all over the floor? If he wants to live like a fucking pig he can go and sleep in the shed.

I can't be doing with untidyness lazy bastards childish blokes piss me right off.

OP posts:
compo · 08/03/2009 14:05

if he's lazy and childish why are you with him?
there doesn't sound like much love and respect in your posts

2rebecca · 08/03/2009 14:06

I can't imagine ever talking to my husband like that or him giving me that sort of ultimatum.
It sounds more like a parent child relationship than an adult adult one.
? a trip to Relate. Seriously.

piscesmoon · 08/03/2009 14:19

It all seems very childish-I would say that you deserve each other!

LucyEllensmummy · 08/03/2009 14:25

Take a chill pill!!! shitty boxers LMAO

dittany · 08/03/2009 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegirlwiththecurl · 08/03/2009 14:36

Maybe you need to actually sit down calmly and talk about why you get so frustrated - if you have a go at him in an argumentative way when he does this stuff, it does not necessarily motivate him to change, it may just get his back up. Without trying to sound patronising, a marriage is a partnership and sometimes you will inevitably wind each other up - my dh drives me mad when he leaves wet towels on floor etc but I am sure my obsessive cleanliness drives him mad too. You have to both have a bit of give and take - talk to him, explain why you got so fed up. If he continues to do it, just don't wash the stuff he leaves on the floor or put it back, unwashed, in his wardrobe. This is a situation that needn't blow up if you take time to allow for each other and talk.

SnowlightMcKenzie · 08/03/2009 14:50

How is leaving dirty washing on the floor a crime?

YABU

You don't give your partner consequences for his actions fgs, you are supposed to be partners.

He is perfectly entitled to leave his clothes where he wants in his house. If it bothers you that much shove it in a corner or bag or something.

Don't throw them away, - poor guy. There is no need to be so controlling.