to say anything to my ex partners wife

[ilovesprouts]

i have a dd 16 to my ex we are all still pals and went up for tea on sun to my 27month ds2 up whith me dh ds1 and he was getting a bit board so she gave him some tissues to play whith and after a while he got fed up and began to eat them and she said to him (you spaz)quote !!dont eat them ooh i was soo mad has he has sn i have not said anything to dd dad should i say anything at all my dh says leave it .....

It's clearly ignorance of what the word actually means and that it is offensive. It has, in some circles, come to mean something else, and the people who use it, simply do not connect, iyswim. They use it like it means twit, prat, nit, silly, fool...(still not nice to call your child any of those things btw!)

If she uses it again, then tell her what it means and that many people may find it offensive and that you personally find it offensive.

IF she is a decent person, who is using the word out of ignorance, she will be mortified and apologetic and thankful that you have clarified it.

IF she is a nasty piece of work who is meaning to be offensive, you will no doubt fall out oveer it, but it won't be any loss.

yanbu, think it's particularly dreadful to say it to a child who has SN (that bit of your post is unclear).