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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I want to stop my son playing with the new boy

75 replies

ThatShittySmell · 02/03/2009 17:56

After the christmas holidays a new boy started DS's school. After a week, DS became obsessed with the boy and they became "best friends" or as DS put it "home boys"

He started talking like that all time, saying he was going out with his homies etc but DH said to let it go and that DS was just trying to act cool.

A few weeks later DS went to this friend's house for tea and came home doing gang sign things with his hands and holding his hand under his shirt as though he had a gun (and also started pretending to shoot people etc). I spoke to DH about it and he said "boys play guns, no big deal" but it wasn't just "playing guns" it was acting out this whole gang thing that was bothering me.

Next a neighbour complained that DS and his friends had been messing around in her front garden. She went out to tell him off and he turned around to her and said "stop tripping". I grounded him for 2 weeks.

Other things that have happened since then are DS and his friend being in trouble at school for calling a couple of girls 'hoes and bitches' and calling people 'muthafucker'. He is now on report for this.

The straw that broke the camels back however was that he went into a shop near us with this boy and opened a can from the fridge and started drinking it. When the shop assistant told them to pay for it immediately and that they shouldn't have opened it first, the other boy replied "chill the fuck out nigga" and DS said "before I pop a cap in your arse".

The shop assistant called the police. Its made even worse as the shop assistant was asian so the nigga comment has been taken as a racial slur.

This is now ongoing but I don't know what to do about the boy. We have been in to the school, they have seperated them during class but say they can't do much more. I don't want my son in any more trouble and I do NOT want him near this boy.

I know its not all his fault but this only started when he came to the school, DS was fine before that.

OP posts:
ThatShittySmell · 02/03/2009 17:57

Just to add the boys parents allowed them to play on 18 certificate games and watch gang movies whilst he was there.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/03/2009 17:58

how old is he?

i would tell him straight out I think, that this behaviour is unacceptable and that you do not want him socialising with this boy

SoupDragon · 02/03/2009 17:58

How old?

ThatShittySmell · 02/03/2009 17:58

He's 10. I have told him, I just get a load of abuse back and he says I'm racist

OP posts:
scrooged · 02/03/2009 17:59

Find ds a new friend and let this fizzle out. The more you tell him not to play with him, the more he'll want to.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 02/03/2009 18:00

Sorry but it is up to you and your DH to tell your DS that while he can use language like this while playing with his friend, he mustn't use it to other people. You are responsible for your DS behaviour, not nother child.

Sycamoretree · 02/03/2009 18:06

I'm not saying this isn't real, but please can you confirm it is real? I know it can't be funny for you if it is, but reading your post from a particular point of view did make me laugh out loud I'm afraid.

ThatShittySmell · 02/03/2009 18:10

Its real. My mother also thinks its funny but it is real unfortunately.

OP posts:
scrooged · 02/03/2009 18:12

Your mother's not helping! Can you pack ds off to so many after school clubs that he won't have time to see him?
To be honest, the school need to be helping this child and his mum with his behaviour, you should concentrate on your child. Distance is the key word here.

tiktok · 02/03/2009 18:15

Oh, FGS.

Trip trap....

scrooged · 02/03/2009 18:16

We can't assume everyone with a strange problem is a troll. I'd rather talk then ignore, you never know.

LittleMissBliss · 02/03/2009 18:16

I Laughed out loud too! But it isn't funny. I'm sorry. Do you live in an area where there is gang violence? If not i don't think you have too much to worry about and just have to hope it will fizzle out. Have a no tollerance policy about his language and stop him going to his 'home boys' house. You can't stop them being friends but at 10 you can stop them seeing each other out of school.

DaddyJ · 02/03/2009 18:18

Syca, man, is you dissin da OP?! You gotta give respect to get respect, you get me sista?
LOLz

Sorry, TSS, you are probably not laughing.
Find out as much as you can about the negative side of the gangsta phenomenon
and show him what a load of sad fake crap it is.
Maybe also worth talking to the other kid's parents.

But above all: keep it real

Kimi · 02/03/2009 18:19

10 I though you were going to say 14/15.

YANBU I think you need to stop this "friendship" at once. Invite other friends round, do not let him go on play dates with this boy, I would never have let DS1 behave that way and DS2 is only 8 but it would not wash in the kimi household for one single minuet.

DSs are 8 and 12 and we have pretty good control on where they go and with whom.

DaddyJ · 02/03/2009 18:20

I do apologise. Obviously, I meant:
'...you get me, sista.'

Mothafucking punc-tu-a-tion

LittleMissBliss · 02/03/2009 18:21

She's not a troll a regular poster.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 02/03/2009 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

akhems · 02/03/2009 18:21

unfortunately if you're in London this seems to be increasingly common behaviour nowadays Fraid I don't know about other places but that seems to be the youth (or as they say yoot) culture.

All you can do is hope he gets fed up with it and finds a new friend :/

ScummyMummy · 02/03/2009 18:23

What absolutely appalling behaviour from both children. You must be gutted. I wouldn't be allowing any playing out at all with anyone for a very long time to come after that. Your son clearly needs proper supervision at all times until he matures a bit. It surprises me how many children are out there unsupervised and behaving very badly and/or dangerously. I am a big fan of children playing out but if they can't behave they should have an adult with them or stay indoors.

bigTillyMint · 02/03/2009 18:26

I believe you.

My DS comes home with some of the street-talk and attitude from his mates at school. He loves it - thinks it's so cool. He doesn't want to be friends with the "geeky" boys, as he puts it.

Sycamoretree · 02/03/2009 18:28

PMSL DaddyJ

The reason I can't believe it's real is because every single thing the OP's DS has supposedly come out with is the most classic "sketch show" fake-ass gangster lingo imaginable.

I mean, "pop a cap in your ass"? Sorry, but DH and I say that to each other all the time to take the pee.

Sycamoretree · 02/03/2009 18:30

regularly posting since last weekend?

Morloth · 02/03/2009 18:32

Honestly for THAT behaviour there would be no going out after school for at least 3 months. Add an extra week every time he is disrespectful/uses inappropriate language.

Not much you can do about the playground and I wouldn't be so fast to put this all on the other boy. I seriously doubt your kid is an angel and not a willing partner in "crime. Forget the other kid he is not your responsibility and you cannot control anything about him. What you can control are the activities of YOUR DS.

If it continues I would really get heavy with sanctions, I bet he has toys doesn't he? Games/phones etc? None of these are necessities and you are perfectly capable of taking them away.

You cannot let this get any further out of hand, he will kick back, he will swear and carry on but he MUST know that you and your DH are the parents and are in charge.

MY kid's life would become a living hell if he spoke to someone that way.

louii · 02/03/2009 18:33

He is 10, you are in charge, do not let him near this boy and if he continues to use language like that, ground him or whatever punishment you favour.

Were they on their own going into a shop?

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/03/2009 18:37

You allow your son to speak like that, and you're still letting him out of his room?

Are you sure you're serious? I have an 11 year old dd who's pretty 'street' and she wouldn't DREAM of staying stuff like that, no matter who she was knocking around with.

Sorry if you are serious.

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