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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I want to stop my son playing with the new boy

75 replies

ThatShittySmell · 02/03/2009 17:56

After the christmas holidays a new boy started DS's school. After a week, DS became obsessed with the boy and they became "best friends" or as DS put it "home boys"

He started talking like that all time, saying he was going out with his homies etc but DH said to let it go and that DS was just trying to act cool.

A few weeks later DS went to this friend's house for tea and came home doing gang sign things with his hands and holding his hand under his shirt as though he had a gun (and also started pretending to shoot people etc). I spoke to DH about it and he said "boys play guns, no big deal" but it wasn't just "playing guns" it was acting out this whole gang thing that was bothering me.

Next a neighbour complained that DS and his friends had been messing around in her front garden. She went out to tell him off and he turned around to her and said "stop tripping". I grounded him for 2 weeks.

Other things that have happened since then are DS and his friend being in trouble at school for calling a couple of girls 'hoes and bitches' and calling people 'muthafucker'. He is now on report for this.

The straw that broke the camels back however was that he went into a shop near us with this boy and opened a can from the fridge and started drinking it. When the shop assistant told them to pay for it immediately and that they shouldn't have opened it first, the other boy replied "chill the fuck out nigga" and DS said "before I pop a cap in your arse".

The shop assistant called the police. Its made even worse as the shop assistant was asian so the nigga comment has been taken as a racial slur.

This is now ongoing but I don't know what to do about the boy. We have been in to the school, they have seperated them during class but say they can't do much more. I don't want my son in any more trouble and I do NOT want him near this boy.

I know its not all his fault but this only started when he came to the school, DS was fine before that.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 02/03/2009 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DumbledoresGirl · 02/03/2009 20:27

I am still laughing at kimi's "minuet". How about for a waltz kimi?

Seriously, I am with everyone who says you need to take control of your son and prevent him going out on his own until he can show he can behave properly. I have a 12 and an 11 year old and neither would dare be as disrespectful to me, my dh, my neighbours, shop assistants or anyone else for that matter. This other boy may well be influencing your son's behaviour but you should still be able to control him.

DumbledoresGirl · 02/03/2009 20:32

Oh and if the OP is "someone else" in disguise, well, how tiresome.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/03/2009 21:31

Oh I can't remember georgimama. I was having a nosy, you see, and came across one about working mothers in particular

cory · 02/03/2009 21:40

Agree with other posters. You need to make sure that your son behaves, rather than worry about other children's influence.

I don't think there is anything wrong with letting a 10yo go into shops unsupervised, but that is because a 10yo is plenty old enough to be responsible for his own behaviour. Your son needs to see that it is his fault if he misbehaves, nobody else's, that you will be disappointed in him, not in anybody else, and that you are quite capable of keeping him in order whatever the rest of the world may do.

chegirl · 02/03/2009 21:43

If my DS did this he would feel the real force of my pyschomutha wrath. He IS black and we DO live in East London.

Gangs are not a game round here and DS knows it. Maybe you DS would benefit from a little supervised trip to our murder mile and see how much fun it really is?

Saying that he will grow out of this stupid phase given the right guidence. 'pop a cap in your ass' if he said that round here you would hear the howls of laughter from here to Hackney

If it wasnt for the appalling behaviour in the shop it wouldnt be so bad. I am not sure why he is accusing you of being racist. Is his new friend black?

noonki · 02/03/2009 21:52

Could be one of my friends kids. (mine are too little)

Happens all the time round here and if it's very hard to know what to do. Do you keep them in. So they are always with their parents?

never learning how to develop all of the skills they need to survive in the real world.

Do you let them learn the hard way (or yourself)

Imo
You let him know it is totally unacceptable (and explain in great detail why the comments were percieved as racist)

But if you stop him seeing this friend you make him into something intrequing.

Round here there is loads of groups you can contact about advice about gangs. Ring your council and ask them for advice.

If you are a troll. Not that funny as it's all to real in some of our lives.

You make him apologise face to face to the shopkeeper.

You

MrsMattie · 02/03/2009 21:55

It doesn't matter what colour the boy is. All that matters is that your son is behaving very badly and needs to be disciplined by you. Dropping a bit of street slang may be slightly annoying, but it's not the end of the world. Disrespecting local shopkeepers and using the N word is the problem, here. I'd get tough with him.

chegirl · 02/03/2009 22:37

The reason I ask if the boy is black is because the OP's son accused her of being racist when she complained about his friend. I was wondering why he accused her of being racist as a defence for his behaviour.

Qally · 03/03/2009 00:30

Rent some Ali G dvds, then explain to your son that he's turning into a decade-long joke.

bigTillyMint · 03/03/2009 06:36

I am just amazed that so many posters think the language used by the OP's DS is a joke.

It is reality for many children here in London. And probably other parts of the country.

piscesmoon · 03/03/2009 07:05

I must admit I thought it was a troll. Very sad for our DCs if the language is the norm.

mylifemykids · 03/03/2009 08:09

I might live in a 'safer' area than some posters because I'm at the posters who say their 10 year olds aren't allowed out on their own! Children much younger than 10 go to the shops/to the park/out with friends on their own where I live.

If OP isn't a troll then I feel sorry for you. I agree with whoever said they'd be marching them down to the police station and using shock tactics!

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 03/03/2009 08:29

huge sympathy for op but pmsl @ 'latter day Huggy Bear'.

messymissy · 03/03/2009 11:09

hi sycamoretree, being new to mn myself it would never occur to me that someone would post this as a joke?! i assumed the language reported was cliched due to the age of the kids involved - maybe seen it on tv or video games - my other half (still thinks he is 15!) plays them and OMG some of them are awful! happily he now wears headphones as I don't want to hear it!

jumpingbeans · 03/03/2009 11:17

STOP IT NOW, or your life will be hell when he is 15/16 - he is a child treat him like one,at 10 when you say jump he should be saying how high.

harleyd · 03/03/2009 11:26

sorry but pmsl @ ronaldinho

damon albarn and janet street porter..just made me lol

zombiethreadsareapaininthearse · 28/12/2023 21:03

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GuinnessBird · 28/12/2023 21:08

This thread is from 2009 you absolute muppet.

OP's son is hopefully a fully grown adult by now.

zombiethreadsareapaininthearse · 28/12/2023 21:09

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MyDogsPaws · 28/12/2023 21:18

Dying to know how this all turned out, the child in the OP must be a grown adult by now 😂

zombiethreadsareapaininthearse · 28/12/2023 21:21

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unvillage · 28/12/2023 21:24

hahaha @ThatShittySmell come back and tell us how your little hooligan is getting on these days

Sunnydays0101 · 28/12/2023 21:29

Ggg

zombiethreadsareapaininthearse · 28/12/2023 21:32

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