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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or would it be reasonable to assume that if a parent isn't happy about a CM getting a dog then the same parents would .....

133 replies

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:19

move house if one moved in next door or the next door neighbour got one?

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 21:34

no i didn't call all staff owners morons, i said it seems as though every moron in london has one. So while there are possibly some staff owners with a modicum of intellgience, there are very few morons without a staff. unles anyone on here would like to own up...? I have started a thread to discuss the important issue of wanting to be a child minder while also keeping a lion in the garden and a crocodile in the kitchen sink. some have helpfully suggested that that would be cruel. As lions like to be with other lions, and so i should get my neighbours to get other lions and they could all parade around east london together improving the ofsted rating of child minders everywhere.

kalo12 · 27/02/2009 21:35

i agree with pscmum

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:35

chatkins, I think that would be worse. a puppy needs a LOT of attention.
that, quite frankly, should be going on my child... not training a puppy instead.

Morloth · 27/02/2009 21:39

It doesn't matter if its "fair" or "reasonable" DillyDayDreamer. Your friend has every right to get any dog she chooses. And Parents have every right to choose the most suitable childcare for their children.

It is not the parent's problem that she (or her DH want to have a dog), it is the parent's problem to arrange what they consider to be suitable childcare for their children. For some people that will exclude someone with a dog.

Get the dog and lose customers over it or don't get the dog and keep those customers. It is simply the way it is. It's not going to change.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:40

And the differnce is? Morons drawn to staffies, staffie owners are morons, semantics really...
Anyway, you can all carry on thinking as you do and I will still think their are too many unreasonable nuerotics about.
I have to say that if it was going to be with the children then I would have reservations but in light of the fact that it will be with her DH at work or out for most of the day with the exceptions mentioned and that it will not be in the house when children are there it wouldn't make me bat an eyelid.
An English Bull Terrier would mind, having been snarled at while working as a saturday girl at my local vets and having had another one rip my shorts taking a nip during a day out at Badminton.

OP posts:
MollieO · 27/02/2009 21:40

My CM got a dog without any consultation, we were just told. Not told when either so it was a 'surprise'one Monday morning. Can't say I was delighted. She was careful to ensure dog and children not together but the house was small (one living/dining room) and dog was kept in kitchen only secured by babygate (ie little hands could poke through the gate). It wasn't the main reason we left but it was a factor and it would have definitely been a bigger factor if my ds was younger (he was 4 when we left).

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:42

erm, there is a big difference actually.
just because every moron owns a staffie does not mean that every staffie owner is a moron,.

not just semantics.

TheCrackFox · 27/02/2009 21:43

Good post Morloth. The CM is running a business and she can run it how she likes. However, if she wants to have a profitable business she might well think about what her customers want.

Alambil · 27/02/2009 21:44

Kalo, EVERY single dog ever born is still 89% wolf.

EVERY single dog ever born needs a pack and to know where it belongs in that pack.

EVERY single dog ever born will take top-dog place if it is not put at and kept at the bottom.

EVERY single dog ever born needs to be trained. With training comes respect from dog to alpha. With training comes sociable behaviour.

WITHOUT training, every single dog ever born is a risk waiting to happen.

Regardless of breed.

My mum's boss's German Shepherd was nearly killed by a West Highland Terrier.

A massive shep got mauled by a "cute, white, small, friendly terrier type".

All dogs are 89% wolf. All dogs are unpredictable when untrained.

My CM has two dogs; they are exceptionally well trained and I trust her implicitly with them and the kids - DS adores the dogs and they adore him.....

If the dog is suitably trained and in pack position at the bottom (even below CMed kids), I would consider using the CM.

Don't; whatever you (generic) do, assume that a particular type of dog is safer than another. Even the Labrador is becoming violent and snappy due to overbreeding and over-demand on the breed.

oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:44

Sooo, it's now a question of breed?
Sory, she'll never ever win if the issue is breed.

my mate's EBT is the cuddliest lovliest dog- and she loves my little boy- but the fact that you ahve been bitten by one makes them all bad?!?

See, your friend just has to accept that people have opinions aboout what pets are suitable and they ahve a right to decide they don't want ot be involved...

and alot of SBT owners are bloody bnkers- I work ALL day with them- you just wouldn't believe it sometimes.

But I do work in a big city with alot of staffies in it...

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:46

Thisisyesterday how many times do I have to say it will be her* DHs dog and he will take it with him most of the time and train it!

OP posts:
merryberry · 27/02/2009 21:46

don't claim to understand either kids or dogs but i'd think putting one or t'other in each others territory likely to make one or both unhappy or unhinged.

re: dogs in public, when i've got the kids with me i always suss out how the owner is behaving around their dog. usually the owner is the glaring clue to how kid-dog interaction-passing by likely to be. on my own, don't care.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:46

thisisyesterday - you are right - which is why I have come in here to ask questions.

At the moment I work four full days, with kids aged 1-3. Realistically, it would be hard to add a puppy to that equation! I know this, which is why I am considering this so seriously.
At the moment its impossible anyway, we are not allowed a dog here. If and when we move, dd2 who is obsessed with dogs, as I was as a child, would really love one.
I guess I am going to have to first consider all my parents views....
if they were all as unhappy as most people on here, of course I would not go ahead and get a dog.
Also I remember when I was a child I badgered my parents for years for a dog, and my mum refused to get one until I was 10. Maybe that is something to think about.#
That or a change of job !

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:47

Thisisyesterday how many times do I have to say it will *be her DHs dog and he will take it with him most of the time and train it!

erm... no idea what you're on about. have I said otherwise????
don't think so.

onepieceofcremeegg · 27/02/2009 21:48

Our cm has a very calm sweet tempered dog. The cm also has a very balanced attitude wrt the dog and the mindees.

(similar to the situation TheThoughtPolice described)

CM already had the dog when we went to see her initially. I am used to dogs, dh is not and he doesn't really like them. However, he met the dog, and observed the dog's behaviour and the way the cm "managed" the dog (for want of a better word)

The dog often chooses to go to her bed in the kitchen (where it is quiet). She is never left alone with the children. She is used to children.

I am well aware that no dog is 100% safe, however I am comfortable in out situation.

Ripeberry · 27/02/2009 21:49

A lady at our school has got a Rottweiler X black labrador. It is HUGE and she has no control over it.
It is mostly Rotweiller and has the stance of one. They also have a young child (4yrs old). I feel scared for them . But then i can't stand Rotties as they give no warning they are going to attack.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:51

Mollie thats the point though, she ran it past all parents drew detailed plans of where the dog would be when children were there i.e. outside in the run with extra fence, to ensure it couldn't bite a finger poking through a baby gate into the kitchen. Thats because she takes the childrens safety very seriously but also wants her DH to be happy and enjoy a dog he has wanted for years but has been unable to have.

OP posts:
kalo12 · 27/02/2009 21:52

lewis - I wouldn't have a child minder with a dog for that very reason.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:52

I think I would follow the lead of the many cms I know who have dogs....train it impeccably (dog whisperer way!!)...introduce and socialise it with all kids with parents permission of course...but make sure it knows its place to go is the kitchen, with gate shut. Take it on lots of walks with the kids. Obviously never leave it alone with kids.

These are the things I would do anyway with my own dc, who are 6,5 and 21 mo. I still would really love a dog one day in the future.

ravenAK · 27/02/2009 21:53

Yes but Dilly, hypothetically, if your mate is my CM, & I am an 'unreasonable neurotic' about mixing kids & Staffies (my MIL would agree with you ), then I take my bat (& my dc) home.

I'd probably be sorry to do it & loathe to leave on bad terms, but I'd have a perfect right to. Really doesn't matter how daft she thinks I am. She's running a business & customers are allowed to decide to go elsewhere.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:55

By thisisyesterday on Fri 27-Feb-09 21:35:44
chatkins, I think that would be worse. a puppy needs a LOT of attention.
that, quite frankly, should be going on my child... not training a puppy instead.
Mmm, here, My friend wouldn't be doing the training her husband would

OP posts:
oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:56

well, she can find some parents who are happy about the dog.
She sounds like she's one of those victim tyope of people. it's always somebody else's fault that stuff doesn't go their way.

If they want the dog then they should get it... but accpet that somebody else doesn't want to agree with ehr.
And jsut get over it... and stop being so grumpy about it.
MIO

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:56

erm yes. and that was my reply to chatkins.

hence saying chatkins at the very beginning of my post.
nothing to do with your friend's husband's dog

Peachy · 27/02/2009 21:57

Outr last CM had a dog and it wasn't an issue- not a staffie mind! Border Collie (dog I was raised with); completely separate garden and a cage if in house.

It's not something would upset me if I had faith in carer but can understand it would somepoeple

Next door is different IMO, next door is noe of your business really

oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:58

the thing about dogs being family opets is all of the people involved in the family need to be part of the training and caring.
It sounds like your friend isn't really going to do much with the dog- she's too small to walk it and the dh will train it.

I think they need to find out how dogs work tbh, this sounds like a recipe for disater, more than the Cm stuff.
She sounds like she's jsut giving in to her dh and getting cross with the wrong person tbh.