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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or would it be reasonable to assume that if a parent isn't happy about a CM getting a dog then the same parents would .....

133 replies

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:19

move house if one moved in next door or the next door neighbour got one?

OP posts:
Tamarto · 27/02/2009 20:38

What it all boils down to is the fact that the parents have the right to choose. Whether you or your friend think it's unreasonable is irrelevant.

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 20:39

if i saw someone in the park with a staffie on a lead I would steer well clear of it, and I would keep my eye on it in case it was let off lead too.

i do think it's very different comparing what you would do with your own children, and what you would expect others to do though.

do you not think? I know technically it shouldn't be, but it is.
plus, if childminder has several children to look after then she can't be giving them the attention i might give mine when I have them myself.

LaDiDaDi · 27/02/2009 20:39

I would worry about my dd if she went to a childminder who got a dog, any dog that wasn't already used to children actually. Not because I have an issue with dogs but I wouldn't want my child to be the one around whom a young pup learnt how to behave, particularly given that dd is an over enthusiatic pre-schooler. I would probably feel differently if she was older and she could be trusted around a dog even if I was uncertain if a dog could be truste around her iyswim.

In the scenario you describe I also think, poor dog.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:40

Yes but the run she is planning had a roof for shade and protection from weather. Your neighbours dog jumped a fence. It would be physically impossible for this dog to escape unless it managed to chew through both fences without anyone noticing.

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pooka · 27/02/2009 20:40

chatkins makes a good point.

Agreed I am neither a childminder, nor a prospective dog owner. But say I was a childminder and I knew that the parents did not want me to have a dog, and I still wanted to CM and the only way then to have a dog was to keep it in max. security fort knox in the garden.....

Well I wouldn't have the dog. Because I don't think it would be fair on the dog.

PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 20:41

i wouldn't remove them from a park when i saw a staffie on a lead, though i would steer the kids away from it, if it was running loose in the playground, as one was one day, i would ask the owner to take it out, if i see one running around with a load of morons, as they usually are, they seem the dog of choice for moronic youths hanging around looking menancing through the medium of educational subnormality, i would definetly do all i could to move my kids away from them.

still, can you tell me why everyone needs a stafF? what is so good about them?

IS this the thought process 'I know, I have small children, and I want a dog, so I'll just have a quick google and see which type of dog has ripped the most amount of children to shreds pver the last few years and I'll get that type. O and it looks foul as well, brilliant.'

help me out here!!

PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 20:41

i wouldn't remove them from a park when i saw a staffie on a lead, though i would steer the kids away from it, if it was running loose in the playground, as one was one day, i would ask the owner to take it out, if i see one running around with a load of morons, as they usually are, they seem the dog of choice for moronic youths hanging around looking menancing through the medium of educational subnormality, i would definetly do all i could to move my kids away from them.

still, can you tell me why everyone needs a stafF? what is so good about them?

IS this the thought process 'I know, I have small children, and I want a dog, so I'll just have a quick google and see which type of dog has ripped the most amount of children to shreds pver the last few years and I'll get that type. O and it looks foul as well, brilliant.'

help me out here!!

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:42

Oops Pooka
Yes thisisyesterday my friend is the CM

OP posts:
pooka · 27/02/2009 20:44

I too would feel better about an established family dog. May be foolishly so.

For example, dd has a friend with an established family dog/pet. DD and ds regularly go to their house without me and I have no qualms. Because the dog's owner is a friend. I know and am completely confident in her capability to have trained that dog brilliantly.

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 20:46

pmsl pscmum

pooka · 27/02/2009 20:46

I suppose this thread has also cemented for me another reason why I couldn't be a childminder - the (necessary and appropriate) scrutiny of my own household and family life would be so intrusive.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 20:52

I also think it is the breed of dog that can cause the anxiety. I knoe staffies can make wonderful pets as my grandad had two when we were little, beautifully trained and very affectionate. However, they do seem to have been adopted by idiots of late, I see this all the time, and yes I move my own dc away if I am worried.

The cms I know who have dogs, tend to have labrodors, spaniels etc, I know these can be just as dangerous, but I think the cms have demonstrated to the parents how well trained and family friendly the dogs are. They are kept in the kitchen usually behind baby gate, and have separate gated areas to poo in the garden, but also the cms in my group with dogs, go on regular long dog walks with all the dogs and all the kids.

I feel quite left out at times !

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:55

If you read here PSCMum you will realise how little you know about staffies. www.thekennelclub.org.uk/item/87
They are actually very good with children, its public perception and poor training that cause problems.
When I looked on google for deaths caused by staffordshire bull terriers I found a handful of links which compared to the number of dogs owned in the UK is negligeable.
As proved in the most recent tradgedy involving dogs one was a jack russel- tiny dog. Which proves the point that the breed is immaterial, its about training and safety precautions being in place. Almost all of the incidents where deaths and injury have occured have involved children being left alone in the room or the dog being off a lead. These attacks don't seem to happen with responsible owners.

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 20:58

o silly me. dillydaydreamer. that crappy link has completely changed my mind. i am now seeking a staffie as a childminder, as i know they will keep my children safe. what a load of baloney.

anyway p please tell me why a staffie above other types of dog? I still don't know why the ugliest most dangerous disgusting type of dog are on the risk in the uK? i know why young morons get them - they want to look tough - but mums? do you have personal safety concerns or something? The recent attack with the jack rusell (who i am quite sure played more of a look out role than murdering role) was by a staff wh owas a loved family dog, never done anything like that before, loved children, used to children, very well trained, blah blah blah, all the usual baloney - but it still killed a baby. not that many stories about jack russles doing that alone.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:03

I was actually doing some research of my own this evening, as we are moving closer to being able to buy a home, and therefore, at some point, possibly, a family dog.

I really want to get it right. And what came out best for me so far was the good ol greyhound/lurcher types. What do others think ?

I would however completely ok this with my parents. If they were unhappy I would consider delaying getting the dog until their child no longer needs me.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:04

My friends DH wants the dog but my friend needs a shorthaired breed because of health issues. Boxers and wiemeraners tend to be boisterous and my friend would struggle if she had to walk it for any reason because she is small, they also mature later. Same with dalmations.

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 21:06

your friend is small? staffs don't need walking? has she considered a gerbil?

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:06

Greyhounds are nice tempered dogs but need plenty of exercise.

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Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:09

I didn't say a staff doesn't need walking, just that they are less boisterous and don't require as much exercise as dalmations, boxers, weimeraners, dobermans, rottweilers, greyhounds etc. and it is short haired.

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Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:10

As I said its her DH who wants a dog anyway.

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Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:10

Has she considered a small cross breed ? maybe collie cross small spaniel type ?

My friend (sorry to keep bringing her up but her story is really very relevent here ), it was also her dh who wanted a big, manly macho type of dog. They chose an old english boxer, or is it bulldog, I don;t know, it looks a bit like a boxer but much bigger, wider, broader etc.

She wanted a small cross breed, or a lab. She let him win and they got the big feirce type. I am sure with the right training and family attention it would have been fine. But last time I was round there it was locked in its cage and barked and growled any time anyone went near it. I would NOT have felt happy with it being loose, even though she assured me when she wasn't cm'ing it was allowed out, and was fine.

The rest of the time it was running up and down in the run looking nervous.
I am glad she has given up cm'ing. The dog can come out of the cage and be given the chance to be part of her family.

Anyone got any reaction to greyhoung/lurcher type dogs around kids ?

Tamarto · 27/02/2009 21:14

I would have a problem with those dogs too.

oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:14

nope, staffs can be very excitable- they are great fun.
they'd hate being cooped up in the garden.

I love dogs and love staffs, but i do think the situation sounds a bit bonkers.

If the parents don't want a childminder with a dog- it's a free country and they are right to move...

I think it would be hard for the dog tbh.
staffs want to play and be part of the gang...
most of the other dogs you mention are complete nutters!
If your friend is small and is worried about walking a staffie then i'd think again- they aren't the esoest to train either.

I always liken them to 15yr old boys- they have energy and enthusiasm, but need firm and sensible and consistent treatment.

Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:14

Anyway, regardless of breed its about the lack of trust between my friend and her existing parents and the fact that they can't trust her enough to be responsible in keeping the children safe if she has a dog, which she has done for some as long as 8yrs. If a parents can't trust their CM after all that time its time to give in, which unfortunately is now likely to happen due to negative parents.

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Original poster
Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:17

One of the few who have an Outstanding Ofsted and truly cares about the children she minds

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