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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or would it be reasonable to assume that if a parent isn't happy about a CM getting a dog then the same parents would .....

133 replies

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 20:19

move house if one moved in next door or the next door neighbour got one?

OP posts:

PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 21:18

no its not negative parents, its like when you have ben friends with someone for years, and then they say 'by the way, i'm racist' or 'by the way, i am a bit of a bastard' or otherwise reveal something about themselves which is so incongruent to everything you thought you knew about the, that you have to revise your opinion. if one of my friends got a staff, i'd stop my kids going to their house without me. actually even with me. i don't want to be eaten alive either. itsnot about the lack of trust betwen your mate and the parents, its about your mate wanting to do somehting very unreasonable. and them saying 'fine, but not with our kid'

PSCMUM · 27/02/2009 21:18

o ffs,. ofsted schmofsted. if she cares that much, she doesn't need a caged animal in the garden all day does she?

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:19

well that is a shame. perhaps more discussion and negotiation is needed.
I do think is people choose a cm over a nursery, then they are accepting a 'family' type of environment, with pets etc.

However, I can also fully understand parents not wanting dogs around their kids.

It does all boil down to trust I suppose.

Original poster

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:19

Oopsagain its not her that wants this dog particularly, its her DH who has always wanted one and will take it to work/out 12 days out of 16 and it will be in every evening with the family.

OP posts:

oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:20

qwell, she has changed the environment.
it's a shame, butthere you go.
People don't ahve to agree with her.
TBH I'm a vet and I'd really think hard about how it would work if my childminder introduced a dog.
I have a 3yr old who i wouldn't trust around a dog. i often have my firend's English bull terrier. they are big buddies, but she has bowled him over a couple of times and he haas hit her ot of shock/anger.
I would also be uncomfortable with the dog in the garden caged up- staffies hate to be on their own, honestly.

it's just a shame and your friend shoule just accpet that if she changes something about her home then people have the right to change ther minds too.
And not get so sensitive about it...

nancy75 · 27/02/2009 21:20

it's nothing to do with trusting the cm, its about trusting the dog. remember you are talking about the safety of their children.
i would not want my child going to a cm with a dog regardless of the breed, because i have the sense to know that the cm cannot watch all the kids and the dog every second of the day and i would not be prepared to take the risk of my child being bitten. as for the proposed locking up of the dog, why would anyone get a dog knowing that they were going to keep it in those conditions? i would imagine having it locked up all the time would actually make it more dangerous

TheThoughtPolice · 27/02/2009 21:22

I'd trust a well trained staffy with a child MUCH more than I'd trust a well trained Jack Russell with a child. IME, JRT's are much more unpredictable dogs around kids.

kalo12 · 27/02/2009 21:23

why would a CM want to get a staffie?

There is no way I would have a cm with a dog , especially not a staffie, and if there was a staffie living next door I would be extremely vigilant with my children.

staffies need to create pecking order and they see children as part of this which is why they attack them

Original poster

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:24

PSCMum do you run your life round your job or your job round your life? Why should a CM not choose to have a dog like anyone else. As has been pointed out several times the dog will hardly be in the cage you moron! Also, there are more precautions in place for safety than a trip to the park where a dog off a lead and not enclosed could easily attack someone without warning.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 27/02/2009 21:24

Perhaps she could get a lion?

After all, if it's in a cage all day, that's fine.

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:25

oops has it in one.
she is the one changing stuff. and if parents don't like it then they will leave.
just like if your fave cafe started punching you in the face everyt time they bought the bill. you'd stop going there even though the service was otherwise fantastic and the food was to die for.

if she wants to keep the parents then she needs to reconsider getting a dog.

there's no "woe is me" attitude to be had. she knows the score, and she needs to make her decision.

TheThoughtPolice · 27/02/2009 21:25

FWIW, my CM has a dog (all school aged children) and she is wonderful with the kids. The CM does shut her in the kitchen (behind a stairgate) if the kids are being too boisterous but she is a lovely dog, very gentle and patient.

DD(6) knows how to behave around dogs and the CM is a very responsible dog owner therefore I have no qualms about my DD being in her care

oopsagain · 27/02/2009 21:27

in my mind it is the introduction of a dog.
if there was one there at the beginning then fair enough, you make your choice whether or not you want to take your child to the minder.
I'd be ok if i felt it was all stable and sorted.

For me the issue here is tht soemthing will change and so the home environemnt changes and people have an absolute right to change their minds.

An established family pet is one thing- a new dog in a cage in the garden is a whole other thing.

And some staffies are hard to ahndle, and many are lovley dogs.. but that's a whole othr topic tha we've done to death.

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:27

why should a CM not choose to have a dog like anyhone else?

well she can. no-one is saying she can't. you moron. (that's the insult of the day right??)

but she will have to accept that some parents will not be comfortable with this and will take their children elsewhere.

nancy75 · 27/02/2009 21:27

its not about running your life around your job, she is looking after other peoples kids, if they dont want their kids near a dog it is their choice.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:27

Do the people very against dogs with cms, not have dogs themselves ? I am just curious.

As I have said before, I do totally understand people not wantind their dc around dogs, I would have concerns myself.

But on the other hand, as I have said, I do know many cms with dogs, who behave very responsibly, and I feel have the right mix of dog and children. They are all busy and the parents have no problem with the dogs.

I am very curious about this, as a cm, who would love a dog one day ! #

ravenAK · 27/02/2009 21:28

I'd be very unhappy about it. Much as I'd be quite unhappy if she had a leopard or a werewolf in a pen in the garden.

I don't like dogs, & I REALLY don't like Staffies. MIL had one, which dh adored, & which was the cause of some tense marital moments re: dh & my diametrically opposed attitude to the dc being anywhere near the bloody thing.

The dog never put a paw wrong, incidentally, it just happened to be a big ugly dangerous looking bugger from a breed with what can only be described as form...

& you probably think I'm totally BU, which is fine, but irrelevant - it's for the parents to say if they're OK with it or not.

If my CM got a dog, it would be a whacking great minus, I'd be very inclined to place the dc elsewhere, & she could think I was being as silly as she liked.

TheCrackFox · 27/02/2009 21:29

What is the point of getting a dog if it is going to be cooped up all day in a run? Sounds very cruel TBH.

And no, I wouldn't use a CM who had a Staffie.

Original poster

Dillydaydreamer · 27/02/2009 21:31

Moron was fitting for PSCMum because thats what she felt entitled to call all staffie owners earlier.

OP posts:

TheThoughtPolice · 27/02/2009 21:31

For the purposes of chatkins question....

We are a cat family (no dogs) and our 6yo DD goes to a wonderful childminder who also happens to have a (well trained, sweet tempered) dog

PerArduaAdNauseum · 27/02/2009 21:32

I would be more concerned about the welfare of a dog, cooped up in a cage, with a secondary fence preventing them from getting any stimulation from the outside world. Why would a dog lover do this to a dog?

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:32

ohh well that's ok then

ravenAK · 27/02/2009 21:32

She didn't - she said lots of morons are drawn to Staffies.

Chatkins · 27/02/2009 21:34

o thank you thethoughtpolice. I think it would be nice if this thread remained an intersteing and perhaps useful debate, rather than getting nasty - I can see all sides of the argument here.

How do people feel about a cm getting a puppy, (a favourable breed, shall I say ?) so that they can see it is trained correctly from the start ?

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2009 21:34

hmm funny, i cannot find where pcsmum calls ALL staffie owners morons.

she refers to all morons being able to get one.

she refers to groups of moronic youths.

she does not say that everyone who has a staffie is a moron

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