to think that people with families who undertake huge "adventures" are selfish?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

I'm just (half) watching (while mn'ing) a programme on BBC2 about a guy who attempted to kayak from Australia to New Zealand.

He unfortunately lost his life near the end of his journey.

He had a wife and a toddler aged son.

AIBU to think that this type of person is selfish for undertaking such a risky thing knowing that there was a significant chance that he could die en-route?

Maybe it is actually better for your DCs to be out there having fun and living life to the full with them than fearfully sitting at home.
I don't know where you draw the line? Do you go skiing-if so is it OK to ski blue routes but not black? Is it OK to sail on a small lake but not the sea? Is it OK cycle along a flat off road track but not mountain biking? Is it OK to have a pony ride at the school fete but not have lessons and learn to jump?
I think my DCs would rather have a mother who has been skiing with them, gone on a surf board with them in October in wet suits, been sailing and capsized- rather than one who has told them they can't go on a school trip because pot holing is too dangerous and we must all sit at home and safely play computer games!
I am utterly amazed at people who think it is acceptable to have DCs and take
illegal recreational drugs or binge drink. There are people who leave a small DC in paid child care for long hours. I would call it all selfish but people are free to make their own lifestyle choices. What is selfish to one person isn't to another. I would call it irresponsible for anyone not to have faced the fact that they might die any time and not made arrangements for their DCs, and yet lots of people do. Nothing is safe.

it's true that the line between acceptable risk and stuff where the risk is high enough to put it into the realm of selfishness is entirely arbitrary. And I'm not entirely sure where exactly my line goes. However, I do know which side kayaking across the southern ocean would be and which side ski-ing black runs is(imo).

Thinking about this whole thing though I think a lot has to do with how you do it. breezing in and out of the household between wild and risky adventures whilst never actually talking to your family about the consequences - including emotional ones such as sheer worry (even if nothing does go wrong)is clearly selfish...but perhaps there are sometimes ways of doing it in a less selfish way. depends a lot on the dynamics of the relationship.

I think it's also interesting that someone who has had an (almost) life long passion for something dangerous, that makes them "who" they are is "expected" to give it up and become someone different while they have children.

Yet someone who has a run of the mill hobby/past time is expected to be able to continue it to some degree after having children

If someone (for example) does DJing loads before children and got their kicks from that they would perhaps be expected to perhaps cut down the number of gigs they did post children, but no-one (I think?) would expect them to give it up.

However in this case someone who's spent nearly 20yrs of his life (half of it) taking part in "dangerous" persuits it's not quite so simple to "tone down" the adventures of a man who gets his kicks from finding new routes up mountains and kaykaying solo across oceans.

Must be especially hard when you wife is also an accomplished Sea Kayaker.

I really don't see that it is a problem because the person who expects a DP to give up all adventure type risks when they have DCs is not actually going to be attracted to that type of person anyway!
I don't think that, as an outsider, you can make judgements-you would have to know a lot more about them.
All you can say is that you wouldn't do it, and it wouldn't suit you or your DCs. Luckily everyone is different-we need all sorts.

I find it a bit odd that people think, oh it's o.k. for people in the armed forces/police forces/fire services to take a daily risk wiht their lifes, because it is their job , but feel explorers of the modern kind are selfish...
tbh, I doubt, if your loved one lost their life it really doesn't make a difference how....it won't make it easier to think, oh he did it and died a hero, or, oh, he did it, the selfish twat, for fun....

Maybe we should also only allow single personal to serve in the above services?

It just doesn't work that way, it's tragic no matter how they die if they die...

Depends on how you look at it imo.

My dh did a freefall from a plane the day before he asked me to marry him. It was like his last fling I suppose. He made it clear he wouldn't be doing it again.

But....3 years ago he went on a 2 week cruise to Antarctica (had 2 dcs by then, another on the way). At the time I didn't think of it as risky, but shortly after he came back the same boat he was on sank. So you don't always have good perceptions of risk.

And now he chooses to drag me and kids around various dumps countries which happen to have work for him but are possibly not the safest places to live. Hmm.

Life and death happens.

You can't live your life in a box, everything is dangerous to some extent, once your number is up its up, whether you are choking on a meatball or being eaten by a Great White.

I haven't changed my life that much, I still ski, I still dive, I still do all the stuff I used to. Obviously I try NOT to die whilst doing these things - but life and death happens.

My son is strong and clever and surrounded by people who love him, while obviously I would prefer to be around for him, I simply cannot give up ME to do it - we would both hate that.

There are plenty of ways to die.

You can break your neck in the bath-tub, and it would serve you right.

Who?? Me?? I think that's a little harsh.

Not you of course.

okay...ONE could break ONE'S neck in the bath-tub, and it would serve ONE right.

No-ONE take offence please.

My dh is currently doing something utterly 'selfish' as we speak. He is trekking with 4 friends and climbing Africa's 4 highest mountain (he has already climbed the other 3). Of course to some extent I think it is a tad selfish, not in terms of his safety, ironically enough, but rather that he should be spending that time with us. However, he has undertaken expeditions in different parts of the world since he was 13 and it these expeditions that have formed him and his character. If he should stop doing this he would no longer be the man he ought to be and that would be selfish.

I think such people are more selfish in that they are quite driven by their own goals and desire to push themselves.

Such people are different. Something makes them want to push things to the limit. I don't understand it myself but I don't think they shouldn't do it.