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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that people with families who undertake huge "adventures" are selfish?

87 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 22/02/2009 21:56

I'm just (half) watching (while mn'ing) a programme on BBC2 about a guy who attempted to kayak from Australia to New Zealand.

He unfortunately lost his life near the end of his journey.

He had a wife and a toddler aged son.

AIBU to think that this type of person is selfish for undertaking such a risky thing knowing that there was a significant chance that he could die en-route?

OP posts:
hatwoman · 22/02/2009 22:39

I watched the last 5 minutes and I don;t know the details of this particular case but I'm inclined to agree with the op.

hatwoman · 22/02/2009 22:47

I've taken pretty large steps to curb certain inclinations of mine. when dds were tiny I went to Iraq - in 2003. It was a turning point for me. when I couldn't get my plane back because insurgents had started lobbing bombs everywhere I realised I couldn't do this again. I realised it had been selfish of me to go (though less selfish imo than kayaking across the southern ocean - at least what I was doing had a positive impact on other people and not just myself) and that I had to put aside my (very strong) desires to do the same again. I don't buy into this "but it's part of who I am" stuff. I;ve been there and I know it can be curbed.

Janos · 22/02/2009 22:49

No, because anyone of us could die in unforeseen circumstances. It could and sadly does happen.

That said..I would not want to have children with someone who was a continual 'risk taker'.

Just MO though.

Pristina · 22/02/2009 22:50

FAQ, I sort of meant turning back a little bit before sight of NZ... (obviously).

thumbwitch · 22/02/2009 22:54

Personally if my DH wanted to do something like that, yes I would think it was selfish.

But if it was his way of life (like with Steve Irwin) then perhaps it would have been selfish of his wife to have stopped him.

ABetaDad · 22/02/2009 22:56

Its insane. The Southern Ocean in a kayak!

For goodness sake. I used to run a fleet of oil tankers and we sent a 60,000 tonne tanker into a port in South Australia and we had to fit special winches on it just to hold it on the dock.

I particlarly get annoyed with people that go to sea and have not got a clue what they are doing and have to be rescued. The law of the sea says that the nearest ship has to go and get them no matter what the weather is. All because some idiot amateur yachtsman decides to sail the world.

katiestar · 22/02/2009 22:58

Yes of course its selfish

FAQinglovely · 22/02/2009 22:59

so was his Antarctic Expedition ok then - as he was raising funds for a Charity on that occasion?

brimfull · 22/02/2009 23:00

yanbu
I watched the program and thought he was selfish.
In his first attempt he was crying as he paddled off thinking he would never see his family again...I was thinking well ffs don't do it.
BUT this world is made up of people who take amazing risks that others wouldn't dream of taking.Explorers have changed this world.I do however think his adventure was purely for self satisfaction and such high risk that he was selfish going ahead with it.

Tclanger · 22/02/2009 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FAQinglovely · 22/02/2009 23:00

ermm betadad he was hardly an "amateur" given his other trips he'd already taken! Well if he was gawd knows what a pro would have had to do

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/02/2009 23:00

YANBU. I won't even let DH ride a motorbike
He's a family man now, he doesn't get to do dangerous, stupid shit.

edam · 22/02/2009 23:12

I get that some people are thrill seekers - maybe they are born with lower levels of adrenalin or whatever else is involved and need to boost them artificially. BUT all this 'first person to attempt the North Pole blindfold, backward while skipping and carrying a full 12-person porcelain dinner service including finger bowls' is a bit desperate.

The kind of explorers who were expanding our knowledge of the planet and its flora and fauna had a point. Even those who were going out to conquer new lands had a point (in the moral terms of the 16th to 19th centuries). These guys? A few sandwiches short of the full picnic, IMO.

ABetaDad · 22/02/2009 23:13

A pro would not have gone!

Its a modern psychological condition this so called 'thrill seeking'.

FAQinglovely · 22/02/2009 23:17

ahh well guess some of us are never going to agree - but hey he had 20yrs of "thrill seeking" under his belt so I would class him as an adventurer/explorer/whatever. Wasn't like he woke up one day after kayaking across his local pond and thought "I know I'll kayak 1600km across the ocean".........

PillicockSatOnPillicockHill · 22/02/2009 23:17

abetadad

we have a friend who died climbing

undiagnosed heart condition - high altitude etc

his young son was alone with him

i dont think it selfish

people have passion

life is for living

Uriel · 22/02/2009 23:19

It's just a shame other people have to pick up the pieces.

FAQinglovely · 22/02/2009 23:28

and if I get the chance to Climb Kilimanjaro before DS3 is 18 - hell yes I'll do it - even if there are 20-30 deaths a year reported on it.

I think it's the only one of my dreams (of adventures) that ever has the possibility of happening.

edam · 22/02/2009 23:28

I think the 'modern' bit is that people can do these kind of stunts as a hobby now. While back in the day, if you wanted an adventure, you had to join the army or navy, or make some kind of major commitment like joining an expedition led by really quite scary men with long beards who were good at barking orders.

purpleduck · 22/02/2009 23:29

"Its a modern psychological condition this so called 'thrill seeking'"

Betadad - do you really think so? I don't. I mean, think of all the great explorers, the people who went off to live across the world even though they didn't know what they are going to.
Maybe to a degree it is "modern" as people have more time/ less effort to keep themselves fed etc, but I do think it is a basic human trait.

MoominMymbleandMy · 22/02/2009 23:59

In a parent of either sex I think this behaviour is selfish and irresponsible.

Extreme risk-taking for kicks is for the childless or those whose children are adult.

Alison Hargreaves' children were taken to see the mountain where she died. I doubt that was much comfort for all the times they must have missed her.

unpaidworker · 23/02/2009 00:21

YANBU if they have dependent children.

twentypence · 23/02/2009 00:32

Police Officers and Firefighters choose to do what they do. They don't get less dangerous things to do when they start a family.

I don't think you can stop risk takers from wanting to take risks. I'm not sure that selfish is the word - they just have a different view of the world.

kickassangel · 23/02/2009 00:34

this is highly pertinent.
really not sure if i agree with everything, but it's an interesteing idea.

if you can't be bothered to read it all, you can read the subtitles & bold print, or to briefly summarise - men use social networks more than close, intimate relationships, they also have to prove themselves more in order to get a woman, women can't take the same risks cos their reproductive role is too important, but they are more attracted to the 'real men' risk takers. because men don't have such close emotional ties, they are more replaceable in society. it may not be fair or good, but the system works.

so, globally speaking, he was only doing what the species required of him, and as he'd passed his genes on first, then that's ok

PeachyMeBananaYou · 23/02/2009 01:37

It'snot just extreme adventures-lots mroe poeple seem to want to do things they'rejust not prepared for.

Selfish not just for the kids but also the people who put their lives at risk trying to save you- as the mountain rescue were today, abseiling on snowdonia in the dark.

I don't understand it. I used to rally cars a bit with my ex; bioth of us have famillies now and neither of us would do it. It just wouldn't make sense.