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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want her to use my girls name even if i have a boy?

68 replies

mum2b09 · 20/02/2009 18:13

I know this might sound really childish but my bfs cousins girlfriend has blatently said that if i dont have a girl shes going to use the name i chose for a girl. This is my first baby and would have liked to have used the name if i had a girl next time as i plan to have more than one baby. I dont want to say anyhting to her but when she said it i was abit shocked and upset am i being unreasonable to feel liek this ? x

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/02/2009 18:14

Why tell her your choice of name?

If she is doing it to be spiteful, stay away from her.

She may not have a girl either.

Thunderduck · 20/02/2009 18:14

You can still use it if you have a girl. YABU, no one has claim to a name.

Lulumama · 20/02/2009 18:15

YABU, you don;t own the name and you don;t even know if you are having a girl next time, years away !!

or you can still use the name

you might well go off it anyway, or have anotehr boy

it is childish

my friend and I have the same name for our DSs. no biggie

TheFallenMadonna · 20/02/2009 18:15

Your boyfriends's cousin's girlfriend? Yes. I think you probably are. I don't think you can put too big an exclusion zone around names you may or may not use at some unspecified point in the future.

blametheparents · 20/02/2009 18:16

Sorry, but YABU

And you boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend? I wouldn't worry, and I would use the name anyway

AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump · 20/02/2009 18:16

She obviously loves the name too! The only fair thing is for whoever has a girl first gets to use it. Then if the other one goes on to have a girl, she can still use it if she wants to.

What makes you think that you have more right to use this name than your bf's cousin?

Original poster
mum2b09 · 20/02/2009 18:18

i supose so i just dont see why she had 2 use that name lol nevermind ill just use it anyway x

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 20/02/2009 18:18

No you aren't being unreasonable - you are being a total nightmare! You don't own that name and you may in any case get to use it first. Find something important to get stressed about plaese!

eyeeye · 20/02/2009 18:18

oh yes you are totally unreasonable. It is not YOUR name is it? It's just one you like and there will be 50 million children called it. You can both use it if you love it so much.

NorthernLurker · 20/02/2009 18:19

like grown women who can't spell 'please' for example

Jux · 20/02/2009 18:19

Names are free and you can't put a towel on one to save it. There'll always be someone with your child's name no matter how original you think it is. YABU

Lulumama · 20/02/2009 18:20

it's unanimous

YABU

nothing to see here..move along now...

screamingabdab · 20/02/2009 18:23

Hi mum2bo9.

Did she know you chose that name? If so, she is being a bit insensitive. Is this characteristic of her ?
Being shocked and upset when you are pregnant with your first child is par for the course

However, you just don't know what's going to happen in the future. If you don't have a girl this time, but you do next time, you might even have gone off it (the name) by then. I know there were names I thought of for my first son which I had completely gone off by the time DS2 came.

Try to be cool (but secretly triumphant if you do have a girl! .

Good luck to you in your pregnancy!

Original poster
mum2b09 · 20/02/2009 18:24

i know just that with them having same last name i was abit miffed never mind i just think its abit mean of her after i had said if i was ever to have a girl id call it that lol

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2b09 · 20/02/2009 18:27

thanx screaming good luck to you too hun. hopefully she will go off the name hah xx

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 20/02/2009 18:33

Oh, while I'm offering unsolicited advice, I'd say don't get too hung up on a name. Sometimes when the baby comes it is nothing like what you spent all those months fantasising about. They might not look or behave the way you thought.

When I had my first I was a bit surprised he looked nothing like I had thought (and the birth was nothing like I'd planned either). I had to get to know him, and so I can now see why some people wait before they give the baby a name.

They are yours, but not YOURS, if you know what I mean.
(very profound!)

muggglewump · 20/02/2009 18:37

Of course no one owns a name but YANBU to be a bit pee'd off.
A year or so ago I heard that someone I knew (and didn't like at all, the feeling was mutual) was thinking of using the boys name I would have chosen if I'd had a boy and I was a wee bit bothered.
Totaly irrational as I don't want anymore kids and can't have them anyway but it still bothered me a bit

Leo9 · 20/02/2009 18:45

boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend............god, does it matter?!

MrsMattie · 20/02/2009 18:45

You don''t own a name. Sorry.

Ashantai · 20/02/2009 18:47

OOh whats the name anyway so that we may ridicule appreciate it

superfrenchie1 · 20/02/2009 18:53

Yes what's the name? Maybe we can think of a better one for you!

Also if you have a boy this time and a girl in 2 years or whenever, your taste in names might have changed (and as screaming said, the baby might not suit the name anyway)...

when ds was born i had lots of girls names, but he was a boy, and when dd came along later i didn't end up chosing any of those names for her.

she does sound like a witch though!

FairLadyRantALot · 20/02/2009 18:54

well...by the time you have anohter, you might not even like the name anymore...

The only name that I consistently wanted was a boys name (Noah)...was not allowed it...but otehr than that my choice in name changed with each child...

superfrenchie1 · 20/02/2009 18:55

i mean - your the boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend sounds like a witch and NOT my dd ...!

screamingabdab · 20/02/2009 18:59

Tell us the name ! (Is it R-Marni?)

@FairLady.. I wanted Gabriel for both of mine. Absolutely vetoed by DH

plonker · 20/02/2009 18:59

Ahh don't be so hard on her you lot.

OP - YANBU to not want her to use it, but of course YABU to tell her that or to do anything about it, but you know that I'm sure.
And anyway, you're pg and hormonal and hey, if you can't be childish and unreasonable when you're pregnant, when can you be?!

You may well have your girl first, so don't worry about it

Good luck with your pg