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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want her to use my girls name even if i have a boy?

68 replies

mum2b09 · 20/02/2009 18:13

I know this might sound really childish but my bfs cousins girlfriend has blatently said that if i dont have a girl shes going to use the name i chose for a girl. This is my first baby and would have liked to have used the name if i had a girl next time as i plan to have more than one baby. I dont want to say anyhting to her but when she said it i was abit shocked and upset am i being unreasonable to feel liek this ? x

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 21/02/2009 09:15

I think the rest of you are being very mean.

Yes, OK, in a perfect world it would be fine, but I would like to point out:

The mockery over "boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend" doesn't stack up, because what you're left with is potentially two cousins with children of the same name. I love my cousin's daughter's name (Hannah) but haven't ever considered it because it's "taken" as a family name.

You seem to have all forgotten what a big deal these things are when you're pregnant. It's the whole, walk softly because you walk on my dreams thing.

I think the OP should say to the name-nicking girlfriend, that's fine but if I have a girl in the future I still plan to call her Amelia. That way if there are people in the family (grandparents etc) who think it's weird in the future, you can tell them you did warn her.

Alright, so Mr Spock-style she's being unreasonable but I can totally understand it. And I'm 33. Pregnant, admittedly, but 33..

OrmIrian · 21/02/2009 09:16

Perhaps one could be Amelia and the other Amelie? Both pretty. In fact I prefer Amelie myself.

herbietea · 21/02/2009 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belgo · 21/02/2009 09:34

It depends entirely on the name.

Come back mum2b09 and tell us what it is!

(snigger at RMarni)

(btw, I stole my sil's boy's name she had picked for a boy, she's happy because she now has a dnephew with the name she never got to use)

Gorionine · 21/02/2009 09:46

Armani is a form of the muslim name Iman and means Faith! It probably does not have much to do with perfume or fashion! Before sniggering at a name it might be useful to check the possilble meaning of it, you might be surprised on how beautiful the name can actually be!

To op, 4 years ago, we had a little boy and gave him a name we had thought of for DD1, born 4 years earlier, had she been a boy. a couple of friends, who were not even expecting at the time told us it was the name that THEY had chosen for a boy and how could we have done that to them. First we did not know that they had chosen names for yet not concieved children plus, we live in Manchester they live in London so hardly worth bursting a blood vessel for but... they do not talk to us since. I think it was a bit OTT to react the way they did.

NorthernLurker · 21/02/2009 10:51

Gorionine - that's absurd - they were complaining about you using a name that they hadn't even told you they planned on using?

It doesn't matter how pregnant the OP is, she is still being daft. Nobody owns a name - and getting all stressed because somebody else might use for it a child of unknown sex who isn't even conceived yet???

Longtalljosie · 21/02/2009 11:05

NorthernLurker, you are being uncharacteristically harsh.

But hang on - is bf's c's gf actually pregnant? I took it that she was? Have gone back to OP to check and still not sure?

Gorionine · 21/02/2009 11:10

Yes NL, absurd indeed but true! I could have understood a bit of despointment but their reaction was really blown out of proportion. At one point, after DS3 kept on being poorly (little things, not major hillnesses) DH even thought they had cursed him because of the name thing! Bless him!

Gorionine · 21/02/2009 11:12

Even if she is pregnant, how likely is it that they will have the same circle of friends and that it might cause a problem, even if they both do call their daughters the same name?

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 11:14

If you are very possessive of a name it is a bit silly to tell people what it is beforehand.

blossomsmine · 21/02/2009 11:48

Herbietea, i don't post to upset anyone or to keep anyone happy, i just join in a conversation
Getting back to the op, i think some people do get a little 'possessive' (sp!) over names sometimes but if you actually look at the whole situation, does it really matter if lots of us have children with the same name? I don't really think so I have been in the situation where my best friend wanted a name for her forthcoming baby, which i had always liked, i wasn't in the position at that time to have another baby and actually i never did have that fourth one, it would have been ridiculous had i told her not to call her little girl by that name, just in case i had one!!

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 21/02/2009 16:09

I don't get the 2 names in a family angle. The whole point of a family name, is that there are loads of Michael's, Julia's or whatever in the family if it's a family name - I have an aunt Julia, a cousin Julia, 2 second cousins Julia and my grandmother was called Julia. What's the problem?

everlong · 21/02/2009 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernLurker · 21/02/2009 18:02

I don't think I was harsh as such. More brutally frank really - and I did make a helpful suggestion about using a differnt short. The fact is it doesn't make any odds who's pregnant - nobody owns a name. Both the op and her boyfriends's cousins girlfriend could produce 15 boys each and might never be an issue so it does seem unneccessary to get in a flap now!

nooka · 21/02/2009 18:15

And the moral is Never ever tell anyone the names you are considering using. Only ends in tears...

firstontheway · 21/02/2009 18:29

In relation to the OP- YABU, obviously!

However, you are due (I believe) 5 days before me and today I have had crying fits over 1) breaking a mug (normal, ikea, mug. We own 6 of them), 2) stubbing my toe. It did not hurt. And 3) Dropping a magazine. I was too fat to pick it up again and my back hurt. My husband giggled and I googled 'divorce papers.'

For these reasons, YANBU

2rebecca · 21/02/2009 18:41

I think if this was a sibling you would be being reasonable, but cousins are fairly remote and lets face it if you ask her to use a different name and she doesn't you're not going to be seeing much of her anyway so you can't stop her using it.
I kept quiet about my kids names until after the birth, just saying "we haven't decided yet and have a few ideas" if asked. If you go round telling everyone then there's more chance of this happening, especially if other pregnancies in the family. The huge number of people who choose the same names and the fashion element to popular names shows what sheep many people are with kids names. Having said that some popular traditional names are just nice and she may have had the name in mind if you hadn't mentioned it.

Jenbot · 21/02/2009 20:32

Amelia is a pretty name, and easy to shorten in lots of different ways, I wouldn't worry!

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