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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think just because my MIL made our wedding cake....?

24 replies

Bonnycat · 19/02/2009 15:19

Doesnt mean she had the right to give it away to people i dont know?
Ok,i must confess this happened 4 years ago now and ive never said anything as i didnt think it was worth falling out over but its always bugged me.Wouldnt dream of saying anything now but just wanted some opinions...
My MIL offered to make our wedding cake for us which was lovely and we gratefully accepted her offer.
We got married miles away and MIL brought said cake to the wedding.
She made quite a small cake but brought another small square one too which was iced but not decorated .After our wedding meal the square one was cut into and shared out(we only had about 12 guests)
After the wedding we all returned home and MIL took the original cake with her.
We trotted off on our honeymoon and TBH didnt give the cake a second thought until we had our big reception party for friends and family not invited to the wedding a month later.
I phoned MIL to ask if she could bring the cake to have on the buffet table to be told she had shared it out and posted it off to friends and family-hers most of whom id never even met nor have since!
I just assumed she was saving it for a christening cake for our first born or some thing!
DH,in typical male couldnt give a monkeys fashion said it was hers as she made it
So ,am i being unreasonable to think she had a bit of a cheek or is DP right?

OP posts:

Nabster · 19/02/2009 15:20

I think in a way it was her cake to do what she wanted and if you had wanted it to be saved, you should have said.

My MIL made our wedding cake too.

flowerybeanbag · 19/02/2009 15:22

I don't think it was her cake. I think if she makes your wedding cake it's just that - your wedding cake. My mum made ours and wouldn't have dreamed of even suggesting to us what we did with it, let alone taking it off and giving it to her mates.

But you should have taken it home not her, and should also have mentioned that you were planning on having it at the reception party.

Helen31 · 19/02/2009 16:09

YANBU to think your MIL was out of line - this is very strange behaviour, as it is like taking back a gift imo. Don't think you should have needed to say anything for her to know that, either.

However, YAB a little U to still be worrying about this now. Try to put it behind you and focus on your relationship with MIL now. Mind, I say this as somebody who nursed a hurt for ooh, about 10 years, over something my own mum did related to our wedding. I'm over it now!

TheyCallMePeachy · 19/02/2009 16:23

Its silly to worry about it now (silly in a but-dont-we-all-do-it way!) but it was ytour cake. My MILis beyond odd, barmy even, but even she kept the cake she made for the Baptism.

TheyCallMePeachy · 19/02/2009 16:24

I could list what my MIL did at our wedding though if you want to feel better off

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/02/2009 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brisvegasherewecome · 19/02/2009 16:31

Given it was four years ago, YABU. May be best to let bygones be bygones...

mumeeee · 19/02/2009 16:38

I w2ould have thought your MIL would have given you the cake. But as it is 4 years ago YABU. You should have asked her to save it at the time.

BitOfFun · 19/02/2009 16:42

Let. It. Go.

wideratthehips · 19/02/2009 16:47

she made the cake for your wedding so....its your cake. traditionally the small tier is kept for babies religous things. but there was confusion on both sides.she didn't know you wanted it, so she sent it off to people perhaps she would have liked to have been there at the wedding?

its irritating but not life altering and you may have bigger dilemmas to deal with in the future re your in laws, so on a scale of things its quite low down (but annoying)

pingping · 19/02/2009 16:49

4 years on I would let it go... Its not like you can say anything now because YABU

nickschick · 19/02/2009 16:54

Tbh theres a heck of a lot more your mil can and probably will, do, to irk you more in the years to come ......

ProfYaffle · 19/02/2009 16:59

Had you discussed what would happen to it after the ceremony? If not I don't think it's unreasonable of her to assume you weren't that bothered what happened to it, tbh she may even have been offended that it appeared to have been forgotton. She may have thought she was saving it from going to waste.

DontlookatmeImshy · 19/02/2009 16:59

No yanbu. It was your wedding cake, therefore YOURS.

However if this is the only thing that has annoyed you in the last 4 years then she can't be all that bad.

Let it go now in the knowledge that Yanbu but it's done now.

Helen31 · 19/02/2009 17:12

Does anybody actually like traditional wedding cake that much BTW? Neither DH or I really like fruit cake, and I dislike marzipan. We had loads left over and my dad, who is the only person I know who genuinely seems to enjoy that sort of thing, ate it up. Seemed fair enough under the circumstances - for more context, the top tier of my older sister's cake was saved in the traditional manner and the ants ate it ! So I was pleased my dad enjoyed it while it was still fresh.

DontlookatmeImshy · 19/02/2009 17:15

lol i dislike marzipan too. I think there should be cakes with no marzipan and lots of icing for us marzipan haters. My mum makes her own christmas cakes and the icing layer is huge. My grandma doesn't like icing so i get her icing and she gets my marzipan.

onlinemummy · 19/02/2009 18:23

I can see why your annoyed but if that's the worst thing she has done in 4 years then I would feel grateful

Frasersmum123 · 19/02/2009 19:09

YANBU

I paid £40 for my bouquet, and wanted to have them dried, however MIL asked DH if we could put them on his dads grave, and he agreed (because he cant say no to her). It was a long time ago but it still bugs me, so I know where you are coming from.

piscesmoon · 19/02/2009 19:16

If it was 4 yrs ago it is well in the past-I don't know why it matters either way.

SalBySea · 19/02/2009 19:19

YABU

I always thought it was the done thing that elderly relatives and family friends got given slices of cake if they werent at the wedding.

A tier of our cake was taken by my mother so that slices could be given to people back home. Some slices were taken to DH's elderly relatives who were too ill to make the wedding. I thought that was what was done with left over cake (well not left over exactly, as we kept the top tier for that purpose).There was no discussion about it, it seemed perfectly normal and didnt upset anyone.

Hardly anyone actually bothers to freeze a tier for their first born's christening any more. If you wanted to do that you should have asked for an extra tier from the off

SalBySea · 19/02/2009 19:20

p.s. I'll take the marzipan that you guys dont want - yum!

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2009 19:22

YANBU - BUT it was 4 years ago -

let it go!

DogMa · 19/02/2009 19:24

It's your fault. You didn't make your intention or wishes known so all she did was follow an age old tradition and gave it to folk who couldn't be there. IMO, she did the right thing.

Helen31 · 19/02/2009 21:35

SalBySea and DogMa - if you read OP you will see that MIL only sent to her side of the family, so nothing to OP's family. So not the traditional approach at all. I suspect OP would not have been so miffed if had been done more even-handedly - and that presumably would have required MIL to have a discussion with OP before doing anything (so problem could have been averted).

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