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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not get why women (who already have children) go on and on about "just one more"

59 replies

redskyatnight · 17/02/2009 08:40

Friend 1 - has 2 DC, 7 and 5. Her DH has said "no more" (actually he only ever wanted 1 child). Constantly goes on about how much she just wants another baby and won't be fulfilled without ...

Friend 2 - also has 2 DC (9 and 4). DH is open to the idea of another child but they live in a 2 bed house and can't afford to move to something bigger. 3rd child clearly impractical. Friend is constantly hoping for a miracle that will expand the size of their house because she "needs" that 3rd child.

Now I understand that some women get broody occasionally; I understand how truly upsetting it must be if you are unable to have children at all. But ... for those who already have children and overriding reasons why they should not have more ... why do you really "need" that other child?

OP posts:
thesockmonsterofdoom · 17/02/2009 08:43

you obviously dont get broody, it is all consuming. I want one more, I cant for health reasons, I have 2 perfect dd's but I still want another, I think i would keep going until I had my own army.

PortofinoLovesItUpTheOxoTower · 17/02/2009 08:43

I guess it is a natural urge, but I agree - I don't really get it either. Especially in the cases where another would be extremely impractical.

LadyOfWaffle · 17/02/2009 08:45

I am your friend 2 - I have a 2.11 year old and a 6 month old and I am broody for no.3 (always planned on having a large family) but we have a 2 bedroomed house (3 techincally but no.3 is downstairs so useless) and in the current climate it would be stupid to sell up. I cannot imagine saying "ok, no more then" for something as trivial (to me) as house size. I do not need X amount of children but... I cannot explain it... I don't want to say I want more but... I do! I think only hitting the menopause will 'cure' me, as long as I am physically able to have children, I will want them. Maybe it's rooted deep from caveman times?

giantkatestacks · 17/02/2009 08:46

No I understand it - I am the same as sockmonster and am finding it very difficult actually to come to terms with not having anymore.

DontlookatmeImshy · 17/02/2009 08:46

Because it's like a basic maternal instinct rather than a choice iykwim. I used to think i'd never want children. Now we have 2 and are thinking about no.3. There are probably lots of practical reasons why we shouldn't have another but it's not that simple. My family doesn't feel quite complete yet and i can't explain why, it just doesn't. It's not something that can be explained by simple logical reasons.

rubyslippers · 17/02/2009 08:47

i don't think there is anything rational about being broody

Hulababy · 17/02/2009 08:48

I have one DD, age 6y. I would love another baby - for me, and as a sibling for my DD who would love a brother or sister. I feel a second child would have completed my family really nicely.

But so far it is not to happen. 4+ years one, two ops, lots of hormone tabs plus Clomid later - and nothing.

And you know what? It does hurt that I can't have "just one more". I can't explain it to you and TBH don't really want to have to justify it here either.

But siffice to say that there have been tears and heartache over the last year or two here over this. It is not all consuming, taking over my life type emotins - but yes, it affects me and it has upset me.

GrapefruitMoon · 17/02/2009 08:49

I think yabu. It's like saying to a friend who has only one dc that they shouldn't be upset at secondary infertility because they already have a child. Why is two children deemed to be the ideal/final number?

I wanted three and luckily my dh was persuaded not against that - and in fact the dynamics of our family would be totally different/off kilter if it wasn't for dc3. He has made our family complete.

4andnotout · 17/02/2009 08:50

I have 4 dd's the youngest is only 15 weeks but i feel i need at least one more. I cant imagine not being pregnant or having a little baby in the house. I relish the children i have and enjoy watching their personalities grow. Dp is quite happy to have at least one more.

giantkatestacks · 17/02/2009 08:55

hulababy - you dont have to justify it - its perfectly ok and normal to feel that way even though other people can be really bitchy and dismissive about it. Just ignore them.

Hulababy · 17/02/2009 08:58

I know, thanks gks I just get fed up of such comments. The number of times I hear is "just be grateful for what you have", etc. As if I somehow am not pleased to have my lovely DD. But that doesn't stop me wishing I had had another! And almost all of those comments come fom people with more than one child and who have encountered no infertility problems at all.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 17/02/2009 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OracleInaCoracle · 17/02/2009 08:59

I too am desperate for another baby. have 1 ds already but dh and i are willing to put ourselves through absolutely anything to complete our family. it may not be rational but that doesnt make it any less valid!

SweetCheeksLovesSweetTalk · 17/02/2009 09:02

I don't think the OP is being bitchy or dismissive, I think she is genuinely curious as its something she obviously doesn't feel herself.

Before I fell with dd, I didn't really think I wanted children. Since having her, I have decided I want three, it is a pure hormonal decision and not one that is based on logic so I have no rational explanation - sorry op

giantkatestacks · 17/02/2009 09:05

No I wasnt saying that the OP was being bitchy or dismissive - just that lots of other people sometimes are about this and it a difficult subject - though she must know this

SweetCheeksLovesSweetTalk · 17/02/2009 09:06

Oh ok giantkatestacks, sorry

giantkatestacks · 17/02/2009 09:07

My own sister for example told me that I was 'fucking taking the piss' for wanting another one when I already had 2 (she does have one of her own btw).

AlexanderPandasmum · 17/02/2009 09:08

I had one DS who was sadly stillborn and another who was premature but is still here and nearly 2. I have this overwhelming desire for another child and am just hoping that it will happen one day. DP is not keen due to our previous history and won't entertain the idea at all.

I think it can be very overwhelming and so yes YABU. My mother is one who would agree with you though and keeps slipping into the conversation that I should be happy with what i have and 'that's it now' and it makes me as she had 5 children and not without complications but luckily all were fine. I just think what right has someone to tell someone else how to feel.

compo · 17/02/2009 09:09

I don't think the op is talking about Hulababy's situation at all
She is talking about those who already have 2 children and are desperate for no 3 when it is impractical
I can understand it really, why make life harder by overcrowding the house etc, stretching the finances etc

Dropdeadfred · 17/02/2009 09:09

i have 3 dds. i have had 7mcs and an ectopic...i still want another...

why is it so hard for people to imagine?
think about how much you wanted your dc1 before you tried and your dc2 ....that's how i fell about wanting dc4 and my dh is even more desperate...

4andnotout · 17/02/2009 09:09

I had my sil's ring me up complaining when i got pg with dd4, for getting myself pg Apparently as dp has a heart condition i shouldn't be putting him under the extra stress

compo · 17/02/2009 09:10

the thread title does say 'already have children' , not 'already have a child' after all

Nightcrawly · 17/02/2009 11:44

I have one child through choice. I think I understand what the OP is getting at and I similarly just don't get the "wanting just one more" whether that makes it the second DC or the tenth. I understand the broodiness that makes you want to have children, but I have not experienced it other than with wanting my first child. However, I'm sure there are those out there who don't really get having one child by choice, or only 2 children by choice and so on. I suppose the bottom line is that it takes all sorts to make a world and I'm not asking anyone to understand my decision anymore than someone who is trying for their 11th would, because it is just none of anyone else's business.

nickytwotimes · 17/02/2009 11:45

I never get broody.
Atm we would like another child, but if it doesn't happen, I don't mind.

MorrisZapp · 17/02/2009 12:11

I get the OP and have often wondered about it myself.

Ok, I'll be devils advocate here. I've noticed that there are many people on here who will judge teenagers for having babies when they aren't ready and can't afford it.

Yet, whenever anybody says 'I have x DC/s already and desperately want another, but it is totally impractical for (long list of real reasons)' the general concensus is, aww, just go for it, you won't regret it etc etc.

Why are we so wary of ever saying to somebody 'maybe it's not such a good idea in the circumstances'.