To really not get why women (who already have children) go on and on about "just one more"

[redskyatnight]

Friend 1 - has 2 DC, 7 and 5. Her DH has said "no more" (actually he only ever wanted 1 child). Constantly goes on about how much she just wants another baby and won't be fulfilled without ...

Friend 2 - also has 2 DC (9 and 4). DH is open to the idea of another child but they live in a 2 bed house and can't afford to move to something bigger. 3rd child clearly impractical. Friend is constantly hoping for a miracle that will expand the size of their house because she "needs" that 3rd child.

Now I understand that some women get broody occasionally; I understand how truly upsetting it must be if you are unable to have children at all. But ... for those who already have children and overriding reasons why they should not have more ... why do you really "need" that other child?

I think I am one of those just one more people, I have a dd and a ds and I do want just one more (or two more eek). To those who say your mad after having one of each, I say its more fascinating as you can compare one child against each other (not how it sounds, don't mean I'm saying one child is better than another)

I have to admit when I hear that a friend of colleague say they are pregnant I think "thank goodness I'm not!". I've never felt broody, so difficult to empathise with that, and neither dh nor I enjoy babies at all. When dd was born we decided then and there that was it (ds was 16mths) So I too do not understand the feeling of "need". However I do try to be sympathetic! I love my children lots, generally more and more as they grow up (although ds has reached a very bolshy pre-puberty sort of phase), and we have considered the possibility of adopting older children at some point in the future, but when dh had his snip I was just very very relieved.

Here's why (not for all women, obviously!):

1. Passing through the stages of babyhood etc is bitter-sweet

2. It's a disturbing thought that soon we'll no longer be able to make babies so do it while we can!

3. Never completely satisfied with what we've got

4. To make family "complete" - eg if you've say got two girls you may want a boy or vice versa

5. Keep up with the Jones eg if a friend has another baby you don't want to miss out so you want one too!

6. To perpetuate the species, optimise those chances of passing your genes on!

7. Increase your chances of having a reason to wear a fancy hat to a wedding

8. Increase chances of having grandchildren

OK so 7) and 8) are two I read recently, but I do think in a lot of cases the main reason is never completely satisfied...

I'm another who wants 'just one more'. I have three, youngest is 10 months.
We were TTCing but are putting it off for a while, possibly forever.
It sounds weird, but it doesn't feel like my family is complete. There is someone missing, that someone is the fourth child. Even deciding not to TTC feels like grieving for someone who has never been there.
So, no, YANBU not go 'get it', but YABU to think it's any of your business.

"Even deciding not to TTC feels like grieving for someone who has never been there"

That is so well put, VS.

Our house is big enough, we can afford a 3rd, but I dont think my body can handle another pregnancy and birth.

I agree with VictorianSqualor.

I am happy with my 2. Infact I am due to be sterilised soon. But that doesn't stop me wanting another newborn, as I sit there bf at 3am. I am at my apsolute happiest then. Funny thing hormones.

I am in a constant state of broodiness and apart from when I actually had my own 2 ds I always have been.
Common sense tells me that another baby now would be completely irresponsible, but there is still that irrational urge inside me, which will never go away.
I think its because I love babies (especially newborns), I love being a Mum and if I had the money and under the right circumstances I would have had at least 4 (maybe more ).
I saw my friend last week with her 5 month old baby boy and I held him and felt close to tears at the thought that I probably won't have another baby (unless I win the lottery!!)
Its not something you can rationalise or explain or even justify its just there.

YANBU to not get it. But the urge to have 1 more can be very strong. I am pregnant with my 3rd (just one more). I would'nt be surprised if I'm still broody after this one..... but she is the last.