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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hot drinks should be baned from toddler groups?

332 replies

cah1 · 16/02/2009 19:19

I am sick to death of parents just leaving them in toddlers reach! It really scares me!

OP posts:
rumple · 19/02/2009 21:39

I think you are perfectly valid to worry. Toddlers groups are full of various ages children and as someone said in a previous post if your child is not yet mobile & especially if it's your first it can mean you are just not as aware of what could happen.
I was at a kids party with my 11 month old. A lovely friend put her coffee down on a table and my daughter pulled it on her. Luckily it was lukewarm but it stained her dress so had it been hot....! I don't think my friend even knew it happened. Her 11 month wasn't moving around by then and I think she was just oblivious to what they can get up to.
I don't like the taste of tea and coffee so any ban wouldn't bother me but I realise how important it is to a vast majority. I think the only solution is just be very aware and don't be embarrassed to say something or move your child away even if it risks your friends thinking you're an over protective loon.

Niecie · 19/02/2009 22:06

YABU

We did have the Pre-school Learning Alliance inspector at our toddler group saying that we shouldn't serve hot drinks at all. We used to do them for the mothers and put them on a tray on a table at the same time as the children got their drinks.

However, we ended up compromising by letting the mothers make their own drinks. This meant they were aware of the drinks and they were aware of why they were responsible for their drinks.

I haven't seen an accident in nearly 8 years of weekly attendence of toddler groups. I think most people have their heads screwed on properly.

I think if you tell people to be careful they will be. They are adults and if they can be trusted to have a hot drink in their own home they can be trusted to have one at a toddler group. Mind you, we have no tables so drinks are left on the window sill out of the reach of children.

FWIW - our group is a mother and toddler group so mothers are just as important as the toddlers.

BalloonSlayer · 19/02/2009 22:09

Sorry to hear about your DD, Nicki. My DS is also scarred for life. I think that's an issue some people have missed - yes it's dreadful for a child to break an arm but it's not a scar for life.

I have relaxed a lot now - I never thought I would. In fact I have relaxed too much and am having to remind myself of the risks constantly. The other day I was walking up the stairs behind DS2 (17m) ready to catch him if he fell. I was also carrying a cup of tea! DH said - what do you think will happen if he does fall? I was appalled; I hadn't thought! How had I got so casual?

Today we were in a cafe and saw a man with a pressure garment on his hand. I said to DS1: did you notice that man's hand? You used to have one of those bandages on your arm. Did I? said DS1. He had to wear it for 2 years and doesn't even remember, bless.

anonymousdr · 19/02/2009 23:44

I'm a doctor and I've worked in a children's burns unit and... well, that's all I want to say about that: it was many years ago and I'm still haunted by some of the things I saw.

Those of you who think this is a big joke and the OP is being precious need a BIG wake-up call. If you think it's silly and OTT to worry about scalds from hot drinks then, frankly, I wouldn't want you anywhere near my children.

People are very attached to their hot drinks at toddler groups so I think it's unrealistic to try and get them to stop, but balloonslayer has mentioned some very good, sensible precautions to take.

In the same way, most of us would be reluctant to give up driving but will use seat belts, defensive driving techniques and other safety measures to reduce risk - the point being that you acknowledge the risk and take it seriously.

By god I need my coffee some days but I'd give it up in a heartbeat if other parents in our group were keen. As it is, I just go without if the room is too crowded to handle a cup safely.

My inalienable right to a cup of coffee vs a permanently scarred child - it's a no brainer as far as I'm concerned.

Flamesparrow · 20/02/2009 08:10

Anon - that is the point though sensible precautions. Very different from banning.

Oh and those who keep talking about first time mums with immobile children not being as wary - I would say it is more likely to be the ones that are on their second time around that are complacent.

I have seen a scalded child. I am not heartless. But I don't think that blanket banning is the way to go with anything. As you say - we use restraints in a car, without them we would have terrible injuries if something went wrong - the same goes with hot drinks, common sense is needed, not banning.

piscesmoon · 20/02/2009 08:13

Of course there are horrible accidents but it is your job as a parent to watch your DC not just get the organisers to ban the drinks!

anonymousdr · 20/02/2009 08:57

Personally I wouldn't mind a blanket ban - I'd find it quite relaxing. But obviously I can see it's unworkable because most people would hate it so much.

So I don't think the OP is being unreasonable in wishing for a ban, but it just wouldn't work, realistically.

Am trying not to scaremonger but I think people are genuinely unaware of how much damage a scalding hot cup of tea can do.

I've lost count of the number of times I've seen someone edging their way around a crowded room holding a hot cup over the heads of tiny children. Often they're people I know - lovely people and great parents - but the best of us can let our attention waver for a moment in a busy noisy place and a moment is all it takes.

lulus · 20/02/2009 09:09

It seems so obvious that any sensible person would not hold a hot drink near a small child, they are too unpredictable with their movements and accidents can and do happen. I have twice had to take a hot cuppa out of granny's hand as she feels all she needs to do is hold it up higher when my little one is bouncing around her - just means its likely to be poured on her from a greater height.

its such an avoidable accident, so easy to put it down somewhere safe or drink it when the child is occupied away from you.

one group I go to, have the parents with tea stand in a separate area!

lulus · 20/02/2009 09:11

It seems so obvious that any sensible person would not hold a hot drink near a small child, they are too unpredictable with their movements and accidents can and do happen. I have twice had to take a hot cuppa out of granny's hand as she feels all she needs to do is hold it up higher when my little one is bouncing around her - just means its likely to be poured on her from a greater height.

its such an avoidable accident, so easy to put it down somewhere safe or drink it when the child is occupied away from you.

one group I go to, have the parents with tea stand in a separate area!

nappyaddict · 20/02/2009 09:34

YABU. Here everyone holds their drink or puts it on the table.

piscesmoon · 20/02/2009 10:11

It really is a nanny state if a parent can't look after their own DC at a toddler group!

MarmadukeScarlet · 20/02/2009 10:20

I pulled a kettle over myself as a 18mth old, had 5-10% 3rd degree burns and still have the scars to prove it.

If a parent is supervising their toddler surely they should be able to risk assess their immediate area?

deepinlaundry · 20/02/2009 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessynJ · 20/02/2009 18:20

I think banning hot drinks is too much.
I have also experienced the trauma first hand (My son was scalded by kettle hot ribena,suffered severe burns from his shoulder/bicep to nappy despite being held under a cold shower until the ambulance arrived.2 n half years on he still wears special plasters to reduce small swellings.) My poor sister was looking after him and will never forgive herself, but ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
As was said above, people just need to be careful, and to teach their children to be careful! That's not always easy if ur low on sleep. Also if u see a danger, point it out nicely.

scubagirl · 20/02/2009 19:06

been going to our toddler group for 5 years and this has just never been an issue. Is it that life without tea in northern ireland is simply unthinkable? If you are watching your own child so is everyone else where is the problem?

SunflowerStudios · 21/02/2009 01:18

Joining the debate late. But wanted to add, that my nephew was badly scalded by a very hot herbal tea my sis had made. He climbed up on the table, where she had 'safely' put it out of reach and was burnt all down his chin, neck and chest. So I suggest, if teas/coffees without milk are being made, that cold water is added so they aren't 'scalding' temperature.

I run a local playgroup and have worried about this issue, but agree that tea and coffee are really important for our tired mummies in need of sustenance and it's a good way to get new mums mingling too.

I really feel for you cah1, as this is exactly what my nephews burn looked like, so it clearly was from a 'very' hot cuppa. If it's your bubba, my heart goes out to you.

ChippingIn · 21/02/2009 19:02

deepinlaundry - that was sheer stupidness and I guess the only way to stop that is to ban hot drinks as you say, you were only a foot away from your DD and still couldn't prevent it (other than maybe having her on your lap and well, that really isn't the point in going to a toddler/playgroup is it}. Sigh. As you probably read before I was against the banning of hot drinks... but after reading this post of yours.... I don't know anymore. I guess some people are just more STUPID than you think they could ever be.... I mean WHO in their RIGHT mind steps over a child whist holding a very hot drink?! [Do you know at what stage the drink was? Had she just made it, was it a few minutes 'old', 5 minutes...? I'm just curious as to how long a 'hot drink' is still at a dangerously hot temperature). I am always SUPER careful as I take my tea black so it is extra hot.

JessynJ - I'm amazed you still have such a relaxed attitude to hot drinks - I think I'd be calling for a world wide ban!! Good on you for not becoming paranoid! I really feel for your sister too How old was your DS when it happened? How did it happen?

nappyaddict · 21/02/2009 19:41

I think it's fine to walk around with hot drinks as long as you not stepping over small babies who are lying on the floor.

deepinlaundry · 21/02/2009 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 21/02/2009 20:21

deepinlaundry - I think that when we make decisions (to allow or not allow hot drinks for example) we think about the risk factor of doing it ourselves (eg I thought it was fine and shouldn't be banned as I am VERY careful) instead of catering to those blessed with a little less commonsense... I would find it even more unbearable to go to our toddler group if I couldn't have tea (sad but true!!) so we'd go even less than we do now, but if it saved one little one going through what your DD and other little DC's have gone through then maybe it't the way it should be - on the other hand, where do you stop. I'm very anti it becoming more of a nanny state than it already is....

Maybe I'll change my name to 'torn & confused' LOL...

HMC · 21/02/2009 20:37

Not banned but regulated. I do think it is a significant potential hazard. At the toddler group I went to you drank hot beverages at one end of the room (so if you had a child who might upset a hot drink over themselves, then you knew which was the potential danger end where more vigilance was required)

zozzle · 27/04/2011 19:14

I run a number of toddler groups. We don't serve scalding drinks, serve them from a high barriered hatch, have notices around and periodically (usually at singing time) we remind the parents to watch their hot drinks during the session.

Seems to do the trick!

exoticfruits · 27/04/2011 19:19

This thread is over 2 yrs old!!
It is the same now as then-parents are adults and look after their drink and their toddler. Simple.

HopeForTheBest · 27/04/2011 19:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

howdoyoueatyours · 27/04/2011 21:15

YANBU. Tea and coffee isn't the be all and end all of making people feel welcome at a toddler group. I used to go to chat to other mums and give dd the chance to be around other kids. I can drink tea/coffee at home where I can be sure it's put somewhere safe.
Do people honestly think that mums should be going round checking where peoples drinks are and moving them?
And what's the big obsession with tea and coffee anyway?