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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that you shouldnt leave a baby unattended in pizza hut?

98 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 15/02/2009 21:50

Was in today and had lunch with dp and ds2. THere was a table a little way from us with a woman and 2 boys, both in highchairs. One of about 3 and the other around 18 months (poss younger). She gets up and takes older one out of highchair and disappears for a few minutes. This other little one is on his own and competely unfazed. She returns and then later she leaves awith older one again, for a quite some time this time and the little one is calling mama. Is upsetting to see and was alreadyt concerned as she'd left him once. I kept an eye on him and when he was upset spoke to the waitress to fetch the woman (dont know if mum or grandmum) She returned and appeared to chatistise the little one and left again. The little one sucked his muzzie and thumb and just looked sad

After she returned the third time and packed them up, she lifted the youngest and put him in pushchair. Not once was their any affection visible or chatting or anything and this little one just seemed so sad.

Looking back now it really didnt feel right, you know the whole thing.

Now, is it the fact i have a lo that this upset me, or my crazy hormones or would this have worried most people?

OP posts:

PollyFilla · 15/02/2009 23:33

I think it's an odd thing to do. Do you think they were her children?

wannastartover · 16/02/2009 10:02

I am quite amazed that some people think that it is ok to leave the younger baby unattended. No matter what situation you are in you just dont especially in public. Even if older one was there and younger one needed nappy changed I would not leave older one unattended.

I thought thats why we are mums, because we can multitask and we can do the impossible. If you are incapable of dealing with more than 1 kid than dont have more.

BoffinMum · 16/02/2009 10:06

Wannastart, I don't think mums should be slaves to all this, because family life is tiring and complicated sometimes and we should all help each other out where we can, but I didn't like to hear that the child was crying for his mum, and that she nipped off on multiple occasions.

The odd thing to me here is that the mum did not alert anyone to what she was doing and ask for help.

giantkatestacks · 16/02/2009 10:11

Do people really not leave 5 and 7 year olds unattended? god I must be really lax then and yes I do leave my 9 month old in her high chair with toys - not food (in the house) while I go to the toilet or put the washing on.

In public? I would ask a family at the next table to keep an eye on her while I took the other one to the loo. Its difficult.

I think in the original scenario I would have just gone over and played with the one who was getting distressed/or made faces from a distance iyswim rather than asking the waitress to get the carer.

Its always easy to judge people from a distance - I battle against doing it all the time and try to actually help out rather than sit there getting all cross on the kids behalf.

BoffinMum · 16/02/2009 10:20

Katestacks, I am probably lax too then, because I use my judgement a bit and leave them outside loos in buggies, in high chairs from time to time and so on. I have even left them in hotel rooms asleep from about the age of 2 or so, with a baby alarm on, and gone down to the bar for a coffee (as long as I am near enough to get up there quickly in a fire, I am happy). In the US I would probably get arrested for neglect.

Oddly enough, my kids are quite sensible and confident now they are bigger, so between you and me, I think my confidence in them entertaining themselves for a bit has paid off.

I would have felt bad if one of them had been really upset and I hadn't been there though. But personally if I see an upset child I tend to hang around and keep an eye on them until mum comes back, because I just assume she is stressed. I think it's sad when parents are judged too harshly.

NorbertDentressangle · 16/02/2009 10:21

I wouldn't have left the child unattended.

I would have taken them both with me, even if it was a major PITA.

If it was a dire emergency and I couldn't take both I would have asked the waitress/nearby family to keep an eye on them but would have been worried the whole time I was away (not that anything ontowards was happening whilst being kept an eye on but that they might be upset/crying for me).

If left alone there are too many things that could happen physically eg.rocking highchair so it tips over (DS's speciality), climbing out, choking and so on, not to mention the possible feelings of separation anxiety.

cat64 · 16/02/2009 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rookiemater · 16/02/2009 11:20

Ditto what some have said. I think its ok provided you have asked another customer or staff member to look after the child.

I saw a bizarre sight on Saturday. A child of about a year in a high chair outside a cafe surrounded by 4 women blowing smoke in her face. In that situation, for the long term health of the child it might have been better for her not to be exposed to all that smoke.

moonstonefairy · 16/02/2009 11:27

They may not be her kids!!!

I wouldnt leave mine never never never.

toddlerama · 16/02/2009 11:54

I just put them in the buggy and ask to use the disabled loo. Sometimes the staff huff about getting the radar key, but no way would I leave them. They could be snatched so easily.

BoffinMum · 16/02/2009 13:16

Good stuff, cat64.

Toddlerama, provocatively, I challenge you to find a single incidence of a kid being snatched from outside a cubicle in a ladies' loo, or from a high chair in a restaurant.

PUTTING YOUR KIDS IN A CAR IS STATISTICALLY MUCH MORE LIKELY TO RESULT IN DISASTER THAN STRANGER DANGER FGS!!

Lilyloo · 16/02/2009 13:20

wannastart thats a bit harsh
She was obviously doing what she thought best at the time.
As others have said op doesnt know if she had asked someone to watch the little one.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 16/02/2009 13:24

"I thought thats why we are mums, because we can multitask and we can do the impossible."

Er, nope. We're mums because we have children. We have children for all sorts of reasons, but being able to do the impossible is fortunately not a qualification.

nappyaddict · 16/02/2009 13:29

I have left DS in his high chair since he was about 1 to go to the counter and get something, go to the salad bar (rarely in view of the table), go to the ice cream machine etc.

smartiejake · 16/02/2009 13:33

My DH actually left DD2 in a pizza hut once.

She was only 2 weeks old and he simply forgot about her. DD1 and I left first leaving DH to pay the bill. He got half way back to the car when he had a funny feeling he had forgotten something.

He charged back into the restaurant red faced and out of breath and had to push back through a long line of people waiting to be seated by the door then back again with DD sleeping soundly in her car seat. The other customers were highly amused.

I throw it at him when ever he critisises my parenting skills.

I digress- in answer to the op -no I wouldn't leave a child at a table in a restaurant no matter how inconvenient to take them with me.

Lilyloo · 16/02/2009 13:44

Lol Smartie!

georgimama · 16/02/2009 13:46

4 or 5 (and well behaved) I would leave for 2 minutes - my opinion on that may revise as DS gets older - but an 18 month old? No way! Am stunned that anyone thinks this is OK.

Pollyanna · 16/02/2009 14:02

I would probably have asked someone sitting nearby (you - OP maybe) to keep an eye on the baby while I took the toddler to the loo/went myself. alternatively I would have taken them both at the end - the baby in the pushchair.

I can't think that any harm would have come to the baby in pizza hut from strangers.

I wouldn't leave a toddler alone though because any of mine would cause mayhem.

As to the baby being "sad" and "lack of affection", yes that is crazy, judgmental, hormones on your part.

apostrophe · 16/02/2009 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

justneedsomesleep · 16/02/2009 21:13

ok i was in pizza hut the other day with my dd (3) and ds (18 months) and in order to get my lunch and dd's I had to leave them at the table (which I could see) to get it from the buffet. I don't think I'm wring in doing that and I went up again to get dd more pizza (second trip) and again to get me some more too (3rd trip). So sue me, I must be a bad mum!

I did it all on my own and we all had a nice lunch.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 16/02/2009 21:50

polly - dont know if they were her children. She could have been grandma or something but i dont know.

giantkatesacks - we did watch and smile the baby - but after the second time when the baby was starting to get upset, it was then we got waitress.

Cat64 -She didnt ask anyone to watch and was quite rude to the waitress when she got her and then she looked annoyed and appeared to tell baby off and then left again. Oh and i do have 2 dc myself, and yes i take them both out on my own, so no i wasnt blindly judging. It was odd and if you'd been there i expect you would have thought so too. And regardless it is unsafe to leave baby in highchair unattended, full stop.

I am actually very shocked how many mums think it is ok to leave a baby unattended in a highchair with no one 'minding' them for a fair amount of time. And to leave them several times too. I have watched other peoples kids for them in that past and would have watched hers (well i did, she just didnt ask). I cannot understand the whole just leaving baby thing. JUst completely dont get it. But i guess mumsnet is so full of different people that some would and some wouldnt.

JUstneedsomesleep - but that isnt the situation i have described, but if you want it to relate then ok. Were you out of sight of them for 5-6 minutes at one point. Did they become upset? See diff situation.

Nappieaddict - that does not generally take 5-6 minutes tho.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 16/02/2009 21:53

gosh these surprises shock me

I've left babies/toddlers many times in restaurants - I usually ask a nearby person to watch them

I've also been asked to watch babies

What harm could come of it?

morningpaper · 16/02/2009 21:53

these RESPONSES shock me

wannastartover · 16/02/2009 21:55

justneedsomesleep

I am glad that if its you that you came on here and gave your verdict. As I said in my post after reading everyones elses comments I was amazed that an 18 month old could be left like that as per original post believed that you might have left to the loo with your older kid. I personally think that Awen Overdramatized this whole thing and if you read through another of her post she also notice things about others.
this link
So my opinion is to go to loo I will take all kids with me if young, but to quickly get something where i can see the kid I will keep an eye whilst doing. Please people mind your own business for once and keep your nose out of people business as you dont know what other people go through nor what the whole situation is.

I never intended to say you were a bad mum or anyone for that matter. As u also said you could see your kid from where you were.

Yurtgirl · 16/02/2009 21:57

Awen I agree with you

It seems to me that whoever it was with the children - mother/grandma hasnt bonded with the younger one properly? If she is the mother maybe she is depressed? (I thought this because of the way she told younger one off for fussing and then disappeared again)

It is in no way normal or acceptable to do as she did - I am astonished that some people think it is ok!

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