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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dh to get up 30 mins earlier to stop the mornings being so hideous

70 replies

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:45

I have gone back to work over the last few months. I have to leave fairly early in the morning. This job is a necessity for us financially. Dh's job doesn't start till mid morning so he gets the children up and off to school.

Well that's the theory .

They leave the house at 8.15 to be at school on time. Dh insists he cannot get out of bed till 7.45 which means there's a screaming rush to get them ready which is resulting in the children having biscuits for breakfast and him having rows with them because he screeches at them to get dressed, get shoes on etc. etc.

He asked what I thought and I said if he just got out of bed 30 mins it would be better. He is moaning constantly about doing it (as he has to shave and get dressed in that time too) and now has said he wants to pay for a nanny to come in the morning to handle the children while he gets ready grrr. A) we don't have the money for that and B) he is an adult ffs and can surely manage?

Or am I being too harsh? I have tried to be helpful and bought food that's easier for quick breakfasts, suggested he tells them not to go downstairs till they are dressed etc. and he keeps saying 'oh I will do it my own way' but then he moans about it and the kids are getting upset....

so what do you think?

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 10/02/2009 17:47

Sounds like a lazy bastard (sorry)

Poor children getting grief first thing in the morning because he won't get up on time

A nanny??? When he is at home??

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:52

oh I'm glad you think so. I thought he was being lazy too but just wanted to check . I think he's being really unfair on the children but he says it's physically impossible for him to get up that early and if we're being realistic, he can just tell me right now he's not going to do it .

He does come back late a few nights a week but not preceeding the days he has to get them to school. Thing is, he does get into a pattern of going to bed late and getting up late.

OP posts:

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:54

but he is also the sort of person that loves his sleep and if he wasn't woken up, could quite happily sleep till lunchtime

OP posts:

LaMer · 10/02/2009 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

epithet · 10/02/2009 17:56

We had this very issue - it was miserable. Dh got up 30 minutes earlier today and yesterday and we have had two blissful mornings in a row (well, as blissful as it gets on the wrong side of 7.30 anyway).

YANBU at all. A horrible morning sets a bad tone for everybody's day imo.

aGalChangedHerName · 10/02/2009 17:56

My DH gets up before me every day even on his day off So i am a lazy bastard too possibly lol. I get up as soon as he is finished in the shower tho.

DH sometimes gets home late too but still gets up with the dc and i suspect always would even if i told him to stay in bed.

No advice or solution i'm afraid. It's just a shame that mornings are so fraught for your dc.

southeastastra · 10/02/2009 17:57

not many people like getting up early tell him to go to bed earlier.

lol at getting a nanny for the mornings

Spidermama · 10/02/2009 17:57

Nope. He has to get his finger out. Half an hour is ridiculously inadequate to get children out to school in the morning and laughable if you have to shave etc too.

He'll find it much easier on everyone, himself included, just as soon as he gets a grip and does what you say.

MrsMattie · 10/02/2009 17:57

I think he should be up at 7am. Most of the population are. Maybe he could stop being an arse go to bed a bit earlier?

2pt4kids · 10/02/2009 17:57

Does he go to work once you are home from work then?
How would he feel if you said to him that you needed a nanny for bath and bed time every evening as you were too tired to do it yourself and you'd rather lie on the sofa?

He is being a lazy lazy arse.
Can you set a REALLY loud alarm clock for 7am every Saturday and Sunday morning and tell him its practice for getting up in time during the week? Make him get up and follow him round telling him what needs doing next. Tell him you'll stop the practice runs soon as he gets up on time on weekdays. Keep the loud alarm clock and set it before you leave for work each morning! then phone every 5 minutes till you are convinced he is up and doing things... if he still doesnt play ball set the alarm a little bit earlier!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 10/02/2009 17:58

"Physically impossible that is such bollocks!"

Because LaMer is completely correct.

Lazy.Lazy.Lazy. Tell him to go to bed earlier.

WaitingforaSproglettoFall · 10/02/2009 17:58

I consider 7:15 a lie in and I don't even have LOs yet!

He's a parent now, he's got to pull his socks up and take responsibility and not lie around whining like a little boy!

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:59

yes, funnily enough I did suggest that going to bed earlier just might help him get up earlier

he sleeps like the living dead....no-one can wake him up. I told him to go to the doctor because if he can't get up in the morning, maybe he has something wrong with him (!)

I just feel very frustrated because no matter what I say, he's just not going to do it and it's bloody annoying

OP posts:

Spidermama · 10/02/2009 18:00

It is harder to get up if you're a night owl though. Really. Some people are early birds and are genuinely physically different in terms of how their hormones work. Night owls like myself find it really hard to go to bed at a sensible time and tough getting up early too. It has to do with when your cortisone peaks or something. I heard about it on Radio 4.

However, even though we night owls are descriminated in the world of work, it's no reason to make the kids suffer and if I can work on the breakfast show as I did for over a year, arriving at work at 5am every morning, he can get up half an hour earlier in the interests of himself and the entire family. He's not a student now.

LoveMyLapTop · 10/02/2009 18:02

If I was you I would just go to work and leave him to it. Then he will realise it cant all be done in half an hour.

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 18:02

thing is, he is that lazy. If I told him I needed a nanny to put the kids to bed, he'd probably think it was a marvellous idea (until I pointed out the cost!). He spends loads of time with the children on the weekends, loves being with them but hates all the drudge stuff and does his utmost to avoid it.

I might just set an alarm on the radio clock thing for tomorrow and claim it was a mistake. He will probably turn over and go back to sleep though.

OP posts:

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 18:04

thing is, I am leaving him to it now and every morning, there are apparently screaming rows. What's extraordinary is that he phones to tell me! And then I say, why do you think that happened? And he says oh it's because I didn't get up early. And it just keeps on happening!Grrr

ok am glad you think I am not some mad mare. Will sit down with him tonight and explain in plain english what needs to happen grrr.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 10/02/2009 18:04

train the children to get him up???? cup of tea/coffee in bed as you turn the lights full on and open the window - it may well help!!

rubyslippers · 10/02/2009 18:05

YANBU

who enjoys the drudgery of parenting anyway?

hope you get things sorted

Original poster

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 18:05

thanks for your help! has helped to get it clear in my mind

OP posts:

LoveMyLapTop · 10/02/2009 18:07

who does enjoy the drudgery of day to day?
Sometimes we have no choice, we all just have to get on wiith it

Colonelcupcake · 10/02/2009 18:09

otoh I would love my DH to get up at 7:45 he barely gets up by 9 on a workday at weekends I am lucky if he is up by 11 and not forgetting he likes to get ready in peace and quiet and sit in front of the hairdryer to get dry, his morning routine taking about 1 hour, I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old, his work involves sitting at a pc all day leaving work at 6ish to get home conveintly after the kids are ready for bed (lots of arguments) In your situation I would leave him to it and force him to sort himself out

detoxdiva · 10/02/2009 18:17

7.45?????

I am at work at 7am on my days in, and on the days's I'm not I'm up when dd wakes...usually about 6.30am

He is being a lazy, selfish and inconsiderate twat.

Get up when you need to, giving youself enought time to get ready - then go to work & leave him to it. Tell him to suck it up and get on with it - welcome to the real world.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 10/02/2009 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kslatts · 10/02/2009 18:23

My dh works shifts and takes the dd's to school when he is on a late shift, he only wakes the dd's up 1/2 an hour before they are due to leave, but one of us does get everything ready the night before, bags are packed, lunch is prepared and in the fridge and uniforms are laid out. He doesn't have to get himself ready in that time though as he does that before waking up dd's.

Could your dh be more organised, is he trying to make lunch and find uniform in that time or is that already done before he gets up?

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