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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dh to get up 30 mins earlier to stop the mornings being so hideous

70 replies

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:45

I have gone back to work over the last few months. I have to leave fairly early in the morning. This job is a necessity for us financially. Dh's job doesn't start till mid morning so he gets the children up and off to school.

Well that's the theory .

They leave the house at 8.15 to be at school on time. Dh insists he cannot get out of bed till 7.45 which means there's a screaming rush to get them ready which is resulting in the children having biscuits for breakfast and him having rows with them because he screeches at them to get dressed, get shoes on etc. etc.

He asked what I thought and I said if he just got out of bed 30 mins it would be better. He is moaning constantly about doing it (as he has to shave and get dressed in that time too) and now has said he wants to pay for a nanny to come in the morning to handle the children while he gets ready grrr. A) we don't have the money for that and B) he is an adult ffs and can surely manage?

Or am I being too harsh? I have tried to be helpful and bought food that's easier for quick breakfasts, suggested he tells them not to go downstairs till they are dressed etc. and he keeps saying 'oh I will do it my own way' but then he moans about it and the kids are getting upset....

so what do you think?

OP posts:

Carbonel · 10/02/2009 20:18

Jelly wobble if he really will not look after the children can you get them up and breakfasted before you leave?

I am not suggesting it is right or fair but maybe better for them? They can get dressed and have breakfast then maybe do some homework / reading whilst waiting for Dad to get up.

Or wake them up as you leave and train them to jump on him - works a treat as i find out when my ds does it at 6am every morning (or earlier 5.15am some days )

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 10/02/2009 20:21

Some of these lazy men (imo) also have very large egos. As long as they get time to have a leisurely shave/coffee/poo or whatever sod everyone else.

My ex was a bit like this, full of his own self importance. I am grateful I didn't have dcs with him.

Neither dh nor I particularly like getting up, but I can't put it any better than expat said.

Get over it (your dh not you). Yes, it's boring and tedious getting dcs dressed, undressed whatever.

KerryMumbles · 10/02/2009 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ripeberry · 10/02/2009 20:27

Get him one of those alarm clocks that go for a "walk" and he has to get out of bed to turn it off. Great invention

Ripeberry · 10/02/2009 20:29

My husband does not get up until 8am and he is out of the house by 8.20am. But i get up at 6am, just so that i can get a bit of time to myself and then i get the kids up at 7.30am and we leave the house at the same time as DH.

TheCrackFox · 10/02/2009 20:34

YANBU.

Where, exactly, does he think he is going to get a nanny to work for an hour every morning? The nanny tree?

scotagm · 10/02/2009 21:30

7.45am is a lie-in. So is 7.15 on a work day. My work days ( each week) start by getting up at 5.30am, dp up at 5.50am, ds up at 6.10. DS at nursery at 7am. Me & dp (teachers) both in work by 7.30am. Your dh is a lazy and selfish sod.

baffledmum · 10/02/2009 21:33

YANBU - he needs to get into the routine of this & see the impact his getting up late is having on your family. Hope it improves Jellywobble!

spicemonster · 10/02/2009 21:36

I can't even be arsed to read the thread. What is he, 12? FGS! I am not a morning person but I get up at 6.40 every morning to get me and my DS out of the door before 8. I don't love it but it can be done.

Ooh I'm very cross on your behalf

thomsc · 10/02/2009 22:34

I'm a SAHD and I LOVE sleeping in the mornings, but you just can't once you've got kids, it's not fair on them.

My DS1 goes to nursery two days a week and on those days I get up at 7.15am to ensure I have enough time to get him up and ready to get to nursery on time.

The rest of the week I get up when he does. DW is not totally ok with this scheme, but it works for DS1 and me.

DW is on maternity leave right now with 7 week old DS2. When DS1 comes in to the bedroom I hustle him out so she can keep sleeping till DS2 wakes.

Your DH is an adult, with responsibilities and people (children) depending on him to be a grown-up.

Use the bucket and the alarm.

cornsilk · 10/02/2009 22:36

Jellywobble he sounds like an arse. We get up an hour before the kids to make sure everything is ready. Get him on here - we'll sort him!

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 10/02/2009 22:38

I'm laughing my tits off at people saying he is and adult and then saying its up to you to set an alarm.

He is an adult, he asked you what you thought, you made your suggestion now butt out.

I would hate someone interfering with me in this way.

If you want it different I suggest you change your night time routine - put the bowls, cereals out, the stuff ready for school to be grabbed - do it with dh if possible at night an don your own if you want it different in the morning.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 10/02/2009 22:39

He's taking the piss.

My husband (who has many, many faults btw!!) gets up at 6, watches some news and has a coffee, wakes up slowly then brings me a coffee in bed at 630. Day has begun.

He's not some superhuman godlike being! If he can do it, any man can do it! Your dh is being a tit.

I think you need to wake him up every morning with a bucket of ice over the nethers!

paolosgirl · 10/02/2009 22:40

I thought I was bad with a dh who gets up an hour before we all have to leave - but I'll forgive him (a tiny bit) now after reading your post! No, 30 mins before you have to leave is not good enough - and as for the nanny suggestion - pah!

Men....

spicemonster · 10/02/2009 22:48

Now butt out when he's giving her children biscuits for breakfast?

Bloody hell I'm glad I don't live with you lauriefairycake!

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 10/02/2009 22:53

I didn't say that spice - no-one eats biscuits in my house for breakfast.

He is their father, he is allowed just as much input into breakfast comestibles as she is. If he thinks its an appropriate breakfast then what do you do ?- you discuss what sort of diet you want for your children.

You don't say do it my way or its a bucket of cold water for you me-laddo

spicemonster · 10/02/2009 22:55

Is he? He sounds fucking crap tbh

sleeplessinstretford · 10/02/2009 22:58

i didn't work and when i didn't i'd get up at 7 with my daughter from a prev relationship who is 14,i'd make his breakfast and packed lunches for all and sort the baby out (i was feeding her so he couldn't do that bit)then he'd mince down fully showered and prepared for his day at work and mince out the door-leaving me in my jamas,soaked in breastmilk/porridge and unshowered-he used to say i only had to ask him to get up-why the fuck should i have to ask? pendulum now has swung the other way though as i now leave at 7.30 so i get up,get showered,spend half an hour with eldest,make all their lunches and sort an outfit out for the baby (he dresses her like something out of an NSPCC appeal if left to his own devices and has taken her to nursery in pyjamas before) he now drops her to work with me fully sorted and he seems to appreciate what i've been doing for the past year and a bit...

thomsc · 10/02/2009 23:07

i was advocating the alarm and bucket to remind him he's and adult not a teenager.

ChippingIn · 10/02/2009 23:15

Jelly - if he can't stop being a lazy arse by himself, for his kids sake, help the poor guy!!

Make sure he's up before you leave at 6.30 , by whatever means necessary coffee if you're in a good mood, ice if you aren't!!... then 7.15 will seem so much better!!

It's not fair on the kids. He needs to grow up... as has already been suggested... show him this thread...

GET UP YOU LAZY GIT

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