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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh to get up 30 mins earlier to stop the mornings being so hideous

70 replies

jellywobble · 10/02/2009 17:45

I have gone back to work over the last few months. I have to leave fairly early in the morning. This job is a necessity for us financially. Dh's job doesn't start till mid morning so he gets the children up and off to school.

Well that's the theory .

They leave the house at 8.15 to be at school on time. Dh insists he cannot get out of bed till 7.45 which means there's a screaming rush to get them ready which is resulting in the children having biscuits for breakfast and him having rows with them because he screeches at them to get dressed, get shoes on etc. etc.

He asked what I thought and I said if he just got out of bed 30 mins it would be better. He is moaning constantly about doing it (as he has to shave and get dressed in that time too) and now has said he wants to pay for a nanny to come in the morning to handle the children while he gets ready grrr. A) we don't have the money for that and B) he is an adult ffs and can surely manage?

Or am I being too harsh? I have tried to be helpful and bought food that's easier for quick breakfasts, suggested he tells them not to go downstairs till they are dressed etc. and he keeps saying 'oh I will do it my own way' but then he moans about it and the kids are getting upset....

so what do you think?

OP posts:
clam · 10/02/2009 18:23

I cannot believe this thread. Is your DH for real????
Are YBU? err.... NO.
Is he? Yes.
How old is he, fgs?

hifi · 10/02/2009 18:33

yanbu, if he wants to stay in bed is there more prep he could do the night before?is there more the kids could do?if all the abovre were combined he could get up 15mins earlier.

pipsy76 · 10/02/2009 18:35

jellywobble, you could be describing my husband. He just does not do mornings, TBH its just not worth the constant arguments so I resign myself to sorting out DS every morning with my last job as I leave the door for work to ensure my DH is out of bed to look after son for 1 hour before childminder arrives at 9am. However I'm having a baby in 5 weeks, so things will have to change or you will be seeing me on the divorce threads!I wish you luck you are not alone with this problem!

expatinscotland · 10/02/2009 18:41

What a lazy git.

Not a morning person?

Um, don't have kids then.

Why make them suffer for it?

I'd tell him rather than hiring a nanny, I'd be handing in my notice at work at the end of the month if he didn't get his sorry ass out of fecking bed at 7.

And then you'd better believe I'd do it, too.

Too damn bad! That's what life with little kids is like.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2009 18:44

I'm the biggest night owl I know and I have insomnia as well.

Tough shit.

iwantitnow · 10/02/2009 18:45

I have the same problem - dh gets up at 7.30am makes us a cup a tea and he goes back to bed until 8am while his 35 week pregnant wife has to get up and dress, feed, entertain their two year old before taking her to pre-school. I had a go this morning and said otherwise he would just sleep until 8am and not make me tea .

I can believe your DH is for real, they only change if they really really have to. Would not be happy with kids just going to school without a proper breakfast.

I just don't have a solution just sympathy.

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 10/02/2009 18:47

Could you ask him to try getting up earlier for a week and see how it goes? Maybe the easier mornings will convince him that it's easier in the long run?

My DP is bad at mornings, but even he recognises that life is a lot easier if he makes the effort to get up a little bit earlier.

Hassled · 10/02/2009 18:50

jellywobble - rather than an excrutiating and probably fruitless chat, why not just show him this thread? He needs to GET UP EARLIER. It's not rocket science.

moondog · 10/02/2009 18:50

Jelly and iwantit,I can't believe you put up with this for a second.

curlygal · 10/02/2009 18:52

Not even remotely unreasonable. You are up, the kids are up. Therefore he should also get up.

My Ex also refused to get up in the mornings and it was almost impossible to wake him up. On many occassions I took DS to nursery leaving ex sound asleep in bed, not even aware we'd gone. He was supposed to do it but just couldn;t get up - the best he could do was to get up at 8.45 as I was standing over him shouting at him with DS and I both 100% ready with our coats on.

On one occassion I actually hit him, after what felt like hours or pleading and shouting to get him up I was so angry.

He is now my ex and the laziness played a major part in the breakdown of our relationship.

As for hiring the nanny to do mornings for him. Seriously? I have to put DS into nursery from 8.30 every day, even on the days that his Dad is supposed to spend with him as Ex is unable to get up eany earlier than noon to spend time with his son. I resent spending that money, but not as much as I would if I actually lived with him!

Tell you DH to sort himself out, please.

pooka · 10/02/2009 18:56

DH gets up at 6.30am on weekdays. He is a naturally early riser.

DD and DS get up at about 7.30am, to leave the house at 8.30am.

I get up at 7.15am. I set the alarm for 6.50am then get dressed and brush teeth etc then help get the children up. DH uses the time between 6.30am and 7.30am to unload/load the dishwasher and get breakfast stuff out/eat breakfast and read the paper.

He has to get up earlier. How about if he set the alarm for 6.30am and then allowed himself maybe 1 or 2 hits of the snooze button. It's ideal really to try and get yourself (i.e. him) sorted before you contemplate having to deal with the kids. If his job doesn't start until mid-morning would he have time for a shave and stuff after dropping the kids off, or does he have to head straight off.

twopeople · 10/02/2009 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ben5 · 10/02/2009 18:58

i get up at 0615 on school days to get everyone out on time. tell him to get up at 0730 as a comprimise

KerryMumbles · 10/02/2009 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyRioja · 10/02/2009 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jellywobble · 10/02/2009 19:37

I am out of the house at 6.30am so the problem is that it's not me 'letting' him be that way. It's that I'm not there so he's doing what he thinks works. But it quite obviously doesn't .

I also think that he may even be overestimating to me when he gets out of bed (i.e. telling me he gets up at 7.45 when he doesn't) because one day I called at 8am and he didn't answer his phone and when he did, he sounded like he was still in bed grrr.

There's not much I can do when I'm not there, that's half the problem.

I think we could be more organised but on the other hand, if he's going to be such an arse and get up that late, then he's going to struggle no matter what.

He said to me, 'let's face it, if you could get away with it, you would' but I said 'err when I was taking them to school I didn't did I' aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 19:44

Change the time on your alarm clock tonight and put it forward half an hour, when the alarm goes he will need to get up...then once up and sorting the kids out you can tell him you have proof he CAN get up earlier.

He's a lazy git.

Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 19:44

sorry uby...crossed posts, great minds!

Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 19:45

Ruby

Shitemum · 10/02/2009 19:58

I put the bedroom clock forward 20 minutes. It took DP more than 10 days to notice. Unfortunately it still didn't make that much difference to the rushed mornings...

Shitemum · 10/02/2009 19:59

actually I think the answer is to go to bed earlier...but i never do, so regularly only get 5 hours sleep...

Original poster
jellywobble · 10/02/2009 20:02

lol shitemum

poor you, you must be so tired on 5 hours sleep

OP posts:
dothemonkeydance · 10/02/2009 20:08

If it is not working things have got to change. I heart my sleep too and get up between 30/45 min before we need to leave!
It can be done, I suppose it depends on the ages of your DC. I have a shower the night before (could he shave then too?), I try and have clothes out and ready and the DC have a quick toast or ceral breakfast. I do have to remind myself to stay calm and we usually make school on time.

puffling · 10/02/2009 20:09

I wanted to start a similar thread. DP's morning routine has nothing to do with me and dd. He gets up maybe at 8.15, dressed shaved and out to work often late. Luckily I only have one child. His excuse is, 'I work you don't.' When I worked part time, he did the same thing tho.' In many areas he's intelligent, logical etc. but when it comes to housework and morning routine he's deluded and intransigent. I'm so fed up with it but know he will not change no matter what.

Original poster
jellywobble · 10/02/2009 20:14

yes that's the thing puffling. Although I know dh sounds like a total twat, he's a wonderful father - he takes them out loads on the weekend, does homework with them etc. but he is just useless in the mornings and even though he can see the impact it has on the kids, he just seems incapable of changing his ways which considering he's an intelligent man, is extraordinary. He is lazy though .

OP posts: