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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my dd to have been fed & watered if she has been invited to....

77 replies

PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 12:57

A party from 2.15pm until 6.30pm?

DH picked her up and when she arrived home at 7.00pm I asked her what she had to eat, and she said they hadn't been given anything apart from a slice of birthday cake

When I asked why, she said it was because some of the other party-goers were staying on after the party for a sleep-over and the Mum had decided to feed them after the others had gone home

OP posts:
lisalisa · 09/02/2009 13:00

How old is she? I suppose a 2.15pm invite presupposes lunch has been given so ok there. To keep them till 6.30pm though I would have thought implies supper would be given ( at about 4-5pm round our way) or at the very least a light snack. Tis unusual but not awful.

mumto2andnomore · 09/02/2009 13:01

Thats awful I would expect her to have been fed too !

I also wouldnt have had the sleepover on the same day as the party as the ones who didnt stay for it probably felt left out.

jasper · 09/02/2009 13:02

As Lisa says, Bit unusual.
Not awful.

Othersideofthechannel · 09/02/2009 13:02

Is there any chance there was more on offer but she was too busy to eat?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 09/02/2009 13:03

Hmm, yeah, not ery good planning by the hosting Mum IMO: surely the non-sleepover guests would be a bit hurt and feel excluded (unless the ones sleeping over were the birthday girl's cousins or something who had come a long way and that was why they were staying).

flummery · 09/02/2009 13:06

Not unreasonable at all. It's a party, you cater for a party, even if only something cheap and easy.

Original poster
PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 13:06

Yes, well dd1 (age 11) didn't know that other peeps had been invited for the sleepover part. She only found out once she got there. Fortunately she wasn't too upset by that.

I was the one upset, because we had eaten as a family before DH went to collect her, and of course when she got back my younger dd2 was already getting ready for bathtime, so it wasn't really great to be having to think about cooking again. Apart from the fact that her blood sugar levels wouldn't have been too great, not having had anything bar a piece of cake, since lunchtime.

I felt very cross actually.

OP posts:
peachface · 09/02/2009 13:06

Sounds to me like the hosts weren't really thinking about the children at all! Having some for a sleepover but not all partygoers is rather insensitive but to not give them any food despite partying til 6.30pm is pretty unreasonable I think! I suspect a lot of pertns might not have let their child stay that late if they'd realised there wasn't tea provided! YANBU at all!

Original poster
PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 13:08

Othersideofthechannel, my DH suggested the same thing, that maybe something else had been on offer and that the girls had been too pre-occupied to have it. But when grilled questioned, DD1 said no, there was nothing

OP posts:
compo · 09/02/2009 13:11

I think an 11 year old should be able to survive 4 hours with a snack of a piece of cake
I also would still have planned to give her some dinner either before the party or after

Original poster
PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 13:14

Yes, she is definitely old enough to survive. And in hind-sight, yes I ought to have given her a hot lunch.

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 09/02/2009 13:15

Yes, I can see that an 11 yr old would be fully aware.

My DD is 4 and could easily not see drinks and food if she was having too much fun.

hercules1 · 09/02/2009 13:24

I would have assumed she'd have been fed and watered too.

chipmonkey · 09/02/2009 13:41

To me, parties have always meant food, usually not the healthiest food but food nevertheless!

georgiemum · 09/02/2009 13:44

I always feed kids when they come over (even if they are just popping over to return a dvd!).

It's genetic - my mother had a dread fear of someone leaving the house not stuffed to the gills.

Ebb · 09/02/2009 13:50

YANBU I would expect food to be provided at a party.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 13:51

food should have def been offered - even if just party food/sandwich etc

i would expect tea to be given about 5pm

bigeyes · 09/02/2009 13:55

Yeah definately my DS would needed his mid fternoon snack, his dinner and ready for his before bed supper in that time frame. I would be quite cross - stingy or inconsiderate?

DumbledoresGirl · 09/02/2009 13:55

Well I am with you Pesto. I think that is dreadful. A party lasting over 4 hours and no food? Unheard of ime.

And 6:30 is definitely past a lot of children's evening mealtime so I should think you are not alone in being put out that they were not fed.

lisalisa · 09/02/2009 14:10

I suppose , being 11 yrs , there may have been a presumption that a lot of kids eat later at that age ( particularly if no younger siblings at home) and definately sleep later so not the same as inviting 7 yr olds and not feeding them so they return home for 7.00pm not having had supper. That I would say is definately not on. But 11 yr olds - think host mum just about gets away wiht that one BUT the sleeover part is def dodgy as most kids would def feel excluded and not wanted quite as much as th kids who were sleepoing.

Docbunches · 09/02/2009 14:19

I agree with most on here - YANBU at all.

I would expect food to be provided at some point during a party lasting over four hours! It's the height of tightfistedness IMO and very bad form indeed.

My DD had a swimming party last Saturday lasting from 7.45 - 10pm. We had pizza delivered about 9pm and all her friends (mostly 12-year-olds) wolfed down about three large slices each, followed by cake. I would have felt awful not providing anything.

My DD once went to a party where the mum requested can you bring your own snack and drink , which is completely taking the mickey.

GossipMonger · 09/02/2009 14:20

YANBU! I am shocked tbh.

4 hours is a long time for a party? What the hell did they do for 4 hours without food?

Surely when planning a party you schedule in half an hour to kill time for food!

I would have been really cross.

My parents recently travelled from Preston to Liverpool for an engagement party to find there was no food. Just sweets! Dolly mixtures, wine gums, fruit pastilles. Little bowls all over the place. Mum was fuming as she was hungry and couldnt drink alcohol as she hadnt eaten and it would have gone straight to her head!!

Fimbo · 09/02/2009 14:24

My dd once went to a party where the mum said she hadn't had time to make the food and could she have volunteers to make sandwiches.

lizziemun · 09/02/2009 14:25

YANBU

It's a funny time for a party.

I know if it was me i would have given dd a small lunch expecting her to have something to eat between 4 and 5 then have toast or something light for her to eat before bed.

Bubbaluv · 09/02/2009 14:49

I can see your point, but it all depends on what each household considers "normal". When I was growing up we would never eat before 7.30, so my Mum would never consider feeding a child of 11 before 6.30 on the basis that she would not want to ruin their dinner.
I would, however, have assumed there would be snacks etc at the party regardless of what the normal dinner time is, so YANBU.