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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect my dd to have been fed & watered if she has been invited to....

77 replies

PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 12:57

A party from 2.15pm until 6.30pm?

DH picked her up and when she arrived home at 7.00pm I asked her what she had to eat, and she said they hadn't been given anything apart from a slice of birthday cake

When I asked why, she said it was because some of the other party-goers were staying on after the party for a sleep-over and the Mum had decided to feed them after the others had gone home

OP posts:
serenity · 09/02/2009 19:07

I wouldn't have adults over for that amount of time and not offer them something, so I'd have definitely arranged for some kind of snacks, whatever if I had a load of children over (my experience of children that age is that they are perpetualy hungry anyway!)

LucyJones · 09/02/2009 19:08

she was offered something, cake!

LucyJones · 09/02/2009 19:10

'Also, would like to add that she had chosen not to have lunch beforehand, in order to save room for the party food.'

ok, this is going to sound rude, but really that sums up what's wrong with society at the moment, the endless obsession with fod. Why not just look forward to being with mates and having a slice of cake?!

serenity · 09/02/2009 19:13

OK... I meant something more substantial than a slice of cake. Slice of cake isn't a snack. well, not unless it's a really big bit, accompanied by a couple of mugs of coffee and you haven't done anything more extreme than sit on your backside on the sofa gossiping.

HateSponge · 09/02/2009 19:18

I think a few bowls of crisps, tortilla chips etc (or the slightly more grown up alternative of breadsticks, crudites & dips wouldnt have been too much to expect. I've never had anyone in my house - child or adult - for any longer than 30 mins without offering food/drink. If its refused fine, but it should be offered.

I should confess I have had parties where the 'food' consisted of a couple of bowls of crisps, some nuts and maybe a few sweets....however this was in my BC days (before children) and the absence of food was outweighed by the presence of huge quantities of alcohol.

For children however I do think food is rather expected I hate most forms of birthday cake & always have, so had I been the Op's DD, I would have had nothing to eat at all!

piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 19:39

If the party finished earlier it would have been acceptable, but because it was over a normal child mealtime I think that it was a very odd way to do it.
Tradition says that there will be food, if the parent is going against the general trend she ought to have made this clear on the invitation.
If I go to an adult evening party I want to know whether to expect nibbles, light snack or substantial food, it makes a great difference on what you eat beforehand.
It is difficult when you get caught out, I have had to face a meal when I have already eaten or gone hungry when I expected a meal and there wasn't. It is only polite to give some indication.

IotasCat · 09/02/2009 19:56

I would have expected something more than a piece of cake after 4 hours, as others have said a few savoury snacks could easily have been provided without much effort

seeker · 09/02/2009 20:44

But do 11 year olds still have their evening meal at "nursery tea" time rather than grown up dinner time?

ChippingIn · 09/02/2009 21:47

I would have been - very odd. Parties usually mean 'yummy food and drink' whether you are a child or an adult (or LucyJones )... but I wouldn't have been offended as such. I guess if meal times are normally 7-7.30 in their house then they probably didn't even consider it to be over other childrens dinner times (we do kind of all assume other people eat as the same time as we do, don't we!).

However I would be pissed off if my DD had been invited to a '2 part party' - IMO that is just rude and mean - how can you include some for a sleep-over and not others! If it was my DD she would have been given the choice - everyone or no-one sleeps over and if you only want a few friends then you have it another night....end of. I cannot believe they did that - I would be less than happy about my DD going back there....

As for some of the other posts metalmadbint(?) - that is just disgusting? It's bad enough they didn't offer 'top up' food to your LO before bed (wouldn't do it nightly for own kids, but know they'd ask if they were hungry), I couldn't bear the thought a visiting child might go to bed hungry - & then not give her breakfast.... what were they thinking???

TheFallenMadonna · 09/02/2009 22:00

I'd have been surprised (mostly becaue I feed them to take up some of the time ) but I don't quite get the anger expressed on here. Not about the food anyway.

RiaParkinson · 09/02/2009 22:03

i think all parties should have food

piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 22:08

If there is to be no food it should be made clear on the invitation.

ChasingSquirrels · 09/02/2009 22:08

what's grown up dinner time? I have eaten at between 5.30 - 6.30pm all my life, except when the dc's were very small and life was all over the place.

charmargot · 09/02/2009 22:12

Lesson to us all, don't assume anything! I certainly would assume food!

piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 22:17

She arrived home at 7pm. I eat my evening meal before then so wouldn't call it nursery tea.I think that anyone would make the natural assumption that if a party is 2.15 to 6.30 it would include food.

TheFallenMadonna · 09/02/2009 22:49

Well, yes. I would assume it too. But I wouldn't be angry if only cake were served. As lisalisa said - unusual but not awful.

BoffinMum · 10/02/2009 06:59

I am not sure I would have felt angry either, just assumed the other mum was bone idle and/or didn't know or care how parties were supposed to work. This two tier party thing is a bit odd - I can understand the bf being allowed to sleep over afterwards, but some guests and not others???

I think what people are suggesting is a bit of afternoon tea, which isn't unreasonable.I don't like birthday cake either, never have, and would have fancied a sarnie and a glass of juice at that age to keep the wolf from the door at that age.

If I had mates coming around I would have nagged my mum to provide something on fancy paper plates with matching paper napkins, and probably helped her make it.

seeker · 10/02/2009 08:57

I would expect food too - but as I said, I don't think it's a huge deal that there wasn't any. I am also (sorry) a bit unhappy at the idea of not eating lunch to leave room for the party food - not sure why that doesn't sound quite right to me, but it doesn't.

We never eat til about 7ish when we're all home - I didn't realize that families without very young children eat earlier than that. (seeker starts worrying at all the children who must have been on the brink of starvation before she feeds them......)

cory · 11/02/2009 09:45

2.15-6.30 would be after our lunch and before our supper, so on a normal day's playdate, that probably would mean a slice of cake only. Should be enough to keep a child going between main meals.

Though having said this, a party is always my excuse to lay on lots of unhealthy snacks...and balloons...and water pistols...

ChampagneDahling · 11/02/2009 10:40

Interesting different opinions here!

People all eat at diff times and expect other children to fit into their schedule. However it is generally considered normal to provide food for a party, especially if the party is over 4 hours long. I wonder what they were doing for that time - was it an activity party or makeover or just playing around in the garden? Did they have time to get bored or time to stop and eat or were they on the go the whole time?

It can be upsetting for children if they are segregated after a party between those chosen to stay longer for food and those kicked out early.

I'm sure you will have learned by the experience Pesto!

mylifemykids · 11/02/2009 10:54

but really that sums up what's wrong with society at the moment, the endless obsession with fod. Why not just look forward to being with mates and having a slice of cake

Yes, of course it's not knife crime, education or ignorance that sums up what's wrong with society, it's cake

If OP's DD was invited to a party then party food should be provided IMO

organiser · 11/02/2009 11:01

You are completely right to be upset. You do think that when adults have children that they have common sense but obviously not. If you DD wants to go over again feed her before she goes or give her extras in her pack lunch. All children get very hungry at tea time regardless of age.

seeker · 11/02/2009 17:07

Not upset, surely? Surprised, maybe - but not upset!

themildmanneredjanitor · 11/02/2009 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 11/02/2009 17:13

I would have expected her to have eaten at the party, esp with it finishing at 6:30pm. The timing of it over a "tea" time makes it seem unuual that no food was offered. If it had finished at 4:30 or 5, then I could understand it more.

Obviously a child can wait until 6:30-7pm to eat - 6y DD does regularly as this is the time we eat as a family at home, once DH gets in from work. However, despite this I'd have still expected DD to have been fed at such a party.

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