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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my dd to have been fed & watered if she has been invited to....

77 replies

PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 12:57

A party from 2.15pm until 6.30pm?

DH picked her up and when she arrived home at 7.00pm I asked her what she had to eat, and she said they hadn't been given anything apart from a slice of birthday cake

When I asked why, she said it was because some of the other party-goers were staying on after the party for a sleep-over and the Mum had decided to feed them after the others had gone home

OP posts:
mm22bys · 09/02/2009 14:58

YANBU, kids need regular meals, more than just a slice of cake, and I bet by the time the meal was made after the others had left it would have been after 7 before even those left behind had eaten.

Original poster
PestoBlizzardMonster · 09/02/2009 14:58

Thank you for your replies. I did wonder, is it me? Particularly when DH wasn't quite so cross as I was concerned.

I know I wouldn't dream of doing a party and not providing a meal, of sorts. Just glad to know it wasn't just me!

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 09/02/2009 15:06

mm2bys, That would be totally normal in a lots of homes surely?

Minxie1977 · 09/02/2009 15:31

YANBU - Nothing to drink or eat at a party - rubbish party IMO! I wouldn't expect a 3 course meal but a sandwich would hardly be a stretch. I personally would expect a child to eat their dinner by 6pm, surely they need a couple of hours for it to go down before bed time.

I'm sure most children have an afternoon snack to keep their blood sugar up. All the children I know would have been really hungry and THIRSTY!!

Cammelia · 09/02/2009 15:37

I really dislike this 2 parties in 1 nonsense.

It appears the real party was the supper and sleepover. Why invite others for the afternoon as well then?

Birthday tea definitely missing at that party pesto, I completely agree with you

Simplysally · 09/02/2009 15:42

I would hate to try and host a party for 11yr olds and not feed them . When my niece comes to stay, Mum empties Tescos and puts a cow in the garden stocks up on milk and that's just one teenager.

YANBU but it may have been poor planning on the part of the hosts.

Katiestar · 09/02/2009 16:30

Well I would always feed people at a party.But I think it unreasonable and bad mannered for a guest to find fault with a host.

Thunderduck · 09/02/2009 16:33

Why is that? Bad hosts do exist. I've heard plenty of ''horror stories''. They don't get carte blanche to behave as they like just because they are hosting the party surely?

I consider feeding one's guests, even if you just have snacks available, a basic tenet of good hospitality.

Eve4Walle · 09/02/2009 16:35

I would have expected her to have had more than a piece of cake to eat.

Parties to me usually involve food, whatever the age of the children involved.

I would have been a bit too.

Madmentalbint · 09/02/2009 16:50

YANBU

I would expect my DC's to be fed too, even if it was just a few sandwiches and crisps.

Once my DD2 got a last minute invite for a sleepover. I was asked to drop her round at 6pm after she'd had dinner. When I picked her up the next morning she'd been offered nothing to eat or drink since she'd left home. Apparently her and her friend had been sent to their bedroom for the evening as the mum was having a dinner party, and then in the morning the friend went off to play football without having any breakfast and my DD was left at home with the mum until I got there. She was basically only there to keep the girl company and out of the way. I wouldn't dream of inviting a child to stay and not offering them anything! Needless to say she will not be staying there ever again! Grrr.

newpup · 09/02/2009 16:51

Definately mean to invite 11 year olds for that amount of time and not feed them! My DD went to a party at a friends house a few months ago. Six girls all age 9/10 for a pizza and messing about with make -up and hair party. When DD arrived all the others had sleeping bags! I thought I had not realised it was a sleepover, turns out DD and one other girl were not invited to sleepover as birthday girl only wanted 3 friends to sleep in her room. DD not too bothered at least it was another girl as well. But, when I went to collect her, they had not eaten because birthday girl had decided she wanted pizza delivered when they were in pjs and ready for bed. So dd and the other girl had to go home hungry!!

Seems as if some children are allowed to show awful manners just because it is their party.

BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 16:52

I would be most surprised if children were fed anything other than a piece of cake or a couple of biscuits between 2.15 and 6.30 pm.

TsarChasm · 09/02/2009 16:58

A party usually means you provide some food, so I am surprised. I would've anyway, but I'm always erring on the side of people being hungry. Especially 11 yr olds. Maybe nibbly things.

Anyway wouldn't it be more party-like and sociable for everyone to have eaten together staying or not?

TsarChasm · 09/02/2009 16:59

Madmentalbint How rude! Your poor dd. Honestly some people!

nickschick · 09/02/2009 17:04

So when you collect your kids from these 'starve parties' dont you ask what theyve eaten??

I generally say 'have you had good time? what have you had to eat?' I dont know what id say if the reply was ....nothing!!.

I must be too blunt.

compo · 09/02/2009 17:07

'bigeyes on Mon 09-Feb-09 13:55:36
Yeah definately my DS would needed his mid fternoon snack, his dinner and ready for his before bed supper in that time frame'

what at age 11?!!

BoffinMum · 09/02/2009 17:18

I would have expected some sandwiches, crisps and a bit of cake to be served, along with a drink, at about 5 or so.

It all sounds very odd.

It's quite good fun making nice party food and not hard or time consuming. I think these mothers are very odd.

seeker · 09/02/2009 17:18

I would have thought an 11 yea old could easily survive from 2.15 to 6.30 without a meal! Don't they usually? My 7 year old does - lunch at school at 1.00 - dinner at home at about 7. Sometimes a snack at home time but often not. Why do people think children have to eat all the time?????

BoffinMum · 09/02/2009 17:19

My kids go a bit funny if they don't have a snack after school - something like digestive biscuits or fruit, along with a drink.

They are quite slim and active.

PestoDrizzleMonster · 09/02/2009 17:23

Well, I wasn't too impressed and I felt really sorry for my dd as she'd been looking forward to it so much and then ta-daa - no party food and came home hungry

PestoDrizzleMonster · 09/02/2009 17:24

Also, would like to add that she had chosen not to have lunch beforehand, in order to save room for the party food.

Docbunches · 09/02/2009 18:35

I'm surprised at the number of people who think it's OK to throw a party that lasts over four hours, and just offer a slice of cake to the guests (during which time a chosen few are talking about suppers and sleepovers and the birthday girl is, more than likely, looking forward to opening a pile of presents )!. I don't blame Pesto for being cross and hurt.

Of course 11-year-olds can go for a few hours without being fed, but this was supposed to be a party.

(lol at nickschick 'starve parties').

edam · 09/02/2009 18:49

bizarre and extremely rude.

I still remember some parents of one friend from when I was a kid - if we were playing in their garden, they would offer their daughter lemonade, but never anyone else. Very rude indeed, all the other mothers in our road would feed/water anyone who was around!

twentypence · 09/02/2009 18:55

She had a (large?) piece of cake for afternoon tea. I'm surprised there weren't a few crisps but I don't think it's the end of the world. I also think that a couple of bits of toast and an apple would be fine for tea.

alphabetsoup · 09/02/2009 19:03

regardless of when host mother thought most girls of that age would normally be eating, its very inhospitable and divisive to organise it as she did. A simple plate of sandwiches and/or some crisps/breadsticks + hummus etc at 4pm say, isn't backbreakingly difficult to provide even if a favoured few are staying on later for pizza in pyjamas..

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