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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the amount of wine at our wedding one of anybody else's business!!

107 replies

bridetobewithinterferingmil · 08/02/2009 20:29

Dp and I are getting married - woooh!

We want to pay for it all ourselves and are on a pretty limited budget so got a good deal on some wine from a wholesaler. Since we bought it mil has not shut up about how she's worried it will run out half way through the reception and embarass her!! It is our wedding after all! So we siad fine we've bought loads of fizzy water and stuff and peeople can drink that and we don't actually want a wedding full of drunken people - at our expense!

Now she's rung me up today and said one of her friends has got a son (who I suppose we'll have to invite too now) who is something BIG in the catering business and he'll take the water away and sort out more wine for us.

AIBU to think mil should keep her neb out and that I should be able to sort out my own catering arrangements?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 08/02/2009 20:30

invite Jesus and you will be SORTED

compo · 08/02/2009 20:31

yabu
let her buy shedloads of wine if she wants to
it's the end result that matters

NoBiggyValentineItsBollox · 08/02/2009 20:31

Whatever her neb is, she should keep it out.

(Is there no bar at your venue for guests to top-up?)

PerArduaAdAmor · 08/02/2009 20:31

Um... free booze? YANBU to want to arrange it yourself, but are you cutting off your nose to spite your face here?

LoveMyLapTop · 08/02/2009 20:32

is there a paying bar so guests can buy more booze if it dies run out?
If so YANBU
If not, YABU.

Thunderduck · 08/02/2009 20:33

YANBU. I don't see why people need unlimited quantities of alcohol available in order to enjoy themselves.

Othersideofthechannel · 08/02/2009 20:33

We ran out of water at our wedding. My FIL had to drive to the local supermarket to stock up half way through!

Littlefish · 08/02/2009 20:33

Actually, although she might be annoying you, I think she's got a point. It would be quite embarassing and quite inhospitable to run out of wine. How much have you allowed for each person? Are people staying over?

"we don't actually want a wedding full of drunken people - at our expense!" This sounds a bit off, if I'm honest. You've invited them - either provide the wine, or make sure they can buy it themselves at a bar. No-one is suggesting that everyone will get drunk, but you really do need to make sure that you don't run out of wine.

kiltycoldbum · 08/02/2009 20:34

lmao @ MP
no way would i expect a whole night of free booze! im sure your guests would be very grateful for a couple of free drinks and then as actual adults can sort out their own drinks for the rest of the night!

Original poster
bridetobewithinterferingmil · 08/02/2009 20:34

Neb is a nose - don't you say that round your parts?

No there isn't a bar - thats why we're buying the wine - it's round at our place and I can't afford loads because the whole village is coming! Is it really that embarassing if it runs out? I think our guests should be embarassed for having drunk us dry tbh!

Mil is really getting on my nerves tbh - she's been rude about my bridesmaids too!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 08/02/2009 20:35

Depends whether people can buy their own drinks at the venue as well.

If they can, simply allocate approx half bottle per persona nd leave it at that.

We didn't provide ANY free alcohol at our blessing. There was a bar for those who wanted it.

Habbibu · 08/02/2009 20:35

I wouldn't let him take away the water, tbh. We had a paying bar - we were a bit scared of the barman, so forgot to distribute half the free wine (were in village hall). Nobody minded/noticed!

Hulababy · 08/02/2009 20:35

How many do you have coming?
How much wine do you have?
Do you have alternatives to wine?

islandofsodor · 08/02/2009 20:36

Apart from one glass with the meal and one glass of champagne (or fake) for the toast I have NEVER been to a wedding where all the wine was free.

Even church/village hall receptions had a bar run by either the venue staff or outside caterers.

LoveMyLapTop · 08/02/2009 20:38

If it is at your house you either need to have enouugh or maybe advise people to bring their own?
Most peopl do like a good drink at a wedding ime, esp if they dont have to drive home.

Donk · 08/02/2009 20:38

Our wedding was completely alcohol free - and people seemed to enjoy it anyway!
(I know DH and I did)

LittlePeanut · 08/02/2009 20:39

Hmm, sorry but I think your MIL has a point. I like drinking wine with my meal, and would be a bit put out if the waiter said "sorry love, it's all run out. What about some water?"

If I could buy some more myself, fine.

But as that is not the case, i think you should get enough so you can be sure it won't run out.

Rather than risk disappointing your guests.

Littlefish · 08/02/2009 20:40

Yes, I think it would be embarrassing to run out of wine.

Can you get it on a "use or return" basis from an off-licence.

If you're not having a bar where people can buy drinks, I really don't think you can offer just soft drinks once the wine's gone.

I went to a wonderful wedding once where the bride and groom asked people not to bring presents, but to bring a bottle of champagne instead. They put out huge troughs full of ice and everyone put the bottles in there. It kept us going all day and night. Would this work for you?

spicemonster · 08/02/2009 20:42

I think it's embarrassing to run out. Less for you than for the guests who might feel they've drunk too much. Can you organise a paying bar? Cost price with local kids serving?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 08/02/2009 20:46

I second the idea of asking guests to bring a bottle, but then I can't imagine turning up to a party in someone's house, or anywhere else there wasn't a cash bar, without bringing a bottle. Have you and your DP got issues around alcohol, or are you non-drinkers who really don't know much about it, or something?

Original poster
bridetobewithinterferingmil · 08/02/2009 20:46

Right I've done a count - we've got 6 big boxes - in all 544 litres!! But......we may have hundreds of guests - dp has invited his friends and mil has invited her friends and they are all bringing friends,followers and family!

Could we get away with this?

AIBU

Not wanting to have somebody interfering?

After all it is MY wedding?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 08/02/2009 20:49

Your MIL is right - it would be MORTIFYING to run out

Buy on sale-or-return and then make sure you use up all the bottles that people bring FIRST

But TBH if you make a big thing of this, you will look weird and will get a reputation for being tight and ill-mannered

Buy boxes of it cheap - get the Tesco's deals, £3 per bottle - and make sure you have at least a bottle per person

BarbaraWoodlouse · 08/02/2009 20:49

How much have you allowed for per head?

Yes, it's your wedding and MIL has a bit of a cheek to say it would emabarras her but a bit of friendly assistance with the catering (either in financial terms or in advice) is surely fine?

How much of an "at home" is it? Are people likely to bring a bottle? How would you feel about suggesting that?

BarbaraWoodlouse · 08/02/2009 20:49

Oh, and "Congratulations" btw

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 08/02/2009 20:49

Yes definitely agree about asking guests to bring a bottle.
Imo you either have a celebration with a decent amount of wine/drink, or none at all. It's different if you had strong religious beliefs or whatever and decided to have an alcohol-free celebration, but that doesn't seem the case here. Tbh it sounds as if you are trying to control the guests in some way. do one of more of your potential guests have issues/problems with alcohol?