Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be such a control freak that I am vetoing dh's choice of song at his funeral (hypothetically)

87 replies

Oovavu · 05/02/2009 21:07

You know when you have those conversations about the type of funeral you would like in theory? well dh and i had one of them and his taste in music is so rubbish I said I wouldn't have any of those songs and that he wouldn;t know anything about it anyway... and then he said I'm being unreasonable and has promised to haunt me if I don't play his songs. But they are dire and I would be embarrassed that people remembered him like that

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 06/02/2009 12:01

I do think it's important to have something the person liked and listened to. At my SIL's funeral when the music came on her 7yr old ds exclaimed 'it's mummy's song, my mummy sings this in the kitchen'. That meant everything to my brother.

singyswife · 06/02/2009 12:03

My BIL wants, Pink Floyds 2wish you were here'. And my dad wants 'I am the god of heel fire' at his cremation. I worry about my family.

singyswife · 06/02/2009 12:03

'wish you were here' even. I must learn to type.

misdee · 06/02/2009 12:04

yabu

went t uncles funeral last week, they played rolf harris waltzing matilda atm, was very fitting

LazyLinePainterJane · 06/02/2009 12:09

I like Tindersticks...there are worse things to play at a funeral IMO. My favourite song of all time is also Teenage Kicks, maybe your DH and I could share a funeral

ErnestTheBavarian · 06/02/2009 12:28

i like the wedding present

My grandad always wanted 'The Old Rugged Cross'. My grandma told him if he went 1st no way would she do it, as she didn't like it. He did die 1st ... and no, she didn't play it, but it was mentioned many times (before, during & after funeral) and she was adamant, as if still scolding him 'I told him he couldn't have it'

He also said he wanted to be chucked down a drain clutching a bottle of whiskey, but he didn't get that wish either.

MorrisZapp · 06/02/2009 12:34

Here's what I think. Why have a funeral song about death? Why not just play the songs that the person loved, or that sum up their personality etc?

I know everybody jokes about wanting songs with lighthearted references to death in the title but the lyrics may be totally unrelated anyway.

Also, you do have to think about those who will be there on the day. I might want, say, The Stone Roses, but will that mean much to my parents etc in their time of loss? Probably not. My dp can play my personal songs in private.

MorrisZapp · 06/02/2009 12:35

(... and as an aside about this type of debate, my sister and her DP once had a full on fight involving tears and slammed doors about whether or not they'd get a maid if they won the lottery!)

troutpout · 06/02/2009 12:40

Agree with Morris
i grew up suffering under shirley Bassey albums every sunday...when my dad died it would have been silly not to get 'Burly shassey' out. You know what? ...it was perfect!...she sang some gooduns too!

NotQuiteCockney · 06/02/2009 12:44

Tindersticks or the Weddoes would be fine. Actually that really long Tindersticks one about the sister who burned the house down, and dated a teacher, and ended up in a wheelchair ... but it's a song to make people cry at the best of times ...

NotQuiteCockney · 06/02/2009 12:46

Ah, right, here.

MmeLindt · 06/02/2009 12:48

Ernest
The Old Rugged Cross was my Grandad's favourite too. As far as I can recall, he did have it at his funeral (I was too young, and my other Grandad had died a few weeks earlier so did not go)

stickyj · 06/02/2009 12:50

On a different note, we were talking about stuff like this and my DD is deciding NOW what mode of transport for her prom, in 3 years time! DH pipes up that he doesn't want a hearse, he wants an ice cream van playing that awful music.

sweetcat · 06/02/2009 12:55

Singyswife, DH would also like Fire by The crazy world of Arthur Brown if he's cremated, or Going underground by the Jam if buried. I haven't though about what I would like

MarmadukeScarlet · 06/02/2009 13:04

Morris, (LOL @ row about maid/lottery win - now that is living in the hypothetical) the song I linked to is one of my faves but I think has inspirational lyrics which is one of the reasons I like it.

Having lost both my parents at a young age, the song contains a message to my DC that I would have found comforting and uplifting, had I had been given it when I was left alone (brother had already died).

At my brother's funeral my mother and DB's GF chose 'unchained melody' - not him at all - and Elton John 'Don't let the sun go down on me' which contains the lyrics 'these cuts need love to make them heal' as he comitted sucide by slashing his wrists I thought this the height of poor taste.

MarmadukeScarlet · 06/02/2009 13:07

Mummydoit, I think 'you're my best friend' is an entirely fitting tribute.

LittleOneMum · 06/02/2009 15:56

OOvavu
Are you married to my husband ?

he loves the Fall and Nick Cave and the Tindersticks too (and Teenage Kicks, weirdly!) does he also like Julian Cope? I think you are not in any way being unreasonable. There's no way that his funeral (god forbid) is going to be made any worse by some wailing nonsense (sorry, Nick Cave lovers). I'll choose. I'm the one left behind and who has to cope.

pagi · 06/02/2009 19:32

My FIL wants his coffin to go behind the curtain to the music you get when you shut your PC down. That I could live with, but he wants to be laid out in there with his willy in one hand and his computer mouse in the other.

My MIL wants to be cremated, and then wants me to sprinkle her ashes on the carpet in Harrods. I always imagine that I'll have to put her in my trouser pockets, make a hole in them and walk around shaking my trousers - you know, like the English do in the prisoner of war films when they are trying to get rid of the dirt they produced through tunnelling.

My DH hasn't mentioned music, but he has asked to be cremated, sprinked on a bed and made love on by lesbians.

I think that might have put your music issues into perspective!!

MmeLindt · 06/02/2009 20:00

Pagi
Tell us more about your crazy fascinating family

womblingfree · 06/02/2009 22:09

Singyswife - my DH's best mate had 'wish you were here' at his mum's funeral last year. She'd had long term health problems for years but died quite suddenly after contracting a superbug while in hospital for treatment, so he and his bro had to wing it as far as music was concerned. I thought it was lovely.

DH's lovely nan also passed away last year at the age of 89. She went out to 'Is this the way to Amarillo?'

My mum's former boss had a couple of theme tunes from well known Westerns as he loved them.

Personally, I'd like 'Days' by Kirsty McColl and 'Copacabana'

InTheScrum · 06/02/2009 22:23

Blardy hell Pagi, if that last post doesn't make it onto the round-up, I'll eat my rugby sock!

yousaidit · 06/02/2009 22:35

i wanted Nick Cave's straight to you as our wedding song / first dance, but dh refused! i would like fleet foxes he didn't know / doesmn't know (?) for my funeral, i love it, just a nice choon, as they say. can't do links to save my life, so can't you tube it!

Nighbynight · 06/02/2009 22:37

Pagi, I solemnly swear, that I will never complain about my family being eccentric any more.

Your MIL wants to end up in the Hoover bags of the Harrods cleaning team

yousaidit · 06/02/2009 22:40

or nick cave's into my arms.. tha would be a beautiful funeral tune...

pagi · 06/02/2009 22:56

Aah, Mme Lindt, they are all related to me by marriage so, if the requests get any odder, I plan to opt for a quickie divorce if one of them looks likely to pop off...

Actually, that would be most amusing - can you imagine telling the reason for the divorce to a judge?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread