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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sent DS2 to school...guilty mother alert!!

17 replies

Squirdle · 05/02/2009 09:31

DS2 (Yr 1) didn't want to go to school today. He was fine until we got into the car to go and then said his tummy hurt. Now, he has said this a few times over the past week, one of the times being yesterday at school, but he has always been fine when he has got home.

So (being the mean mummy that I am) said I would speak to his teacher and if he really felt unwell during the day, then he was to tell her. I also said she would decide whether or not he could cope at school.

It doesn't help that he has a supply teacher today

He does have a cough and I explained that if his tummy really did hurt it may be because of the coughing.

Now I am feeling mean for sending him in but I don't want to create a situation whereby he thinks that if he says something hurts/he feels sick etc he can stay at home. He hasn't done this before for school, but he did at Beavers last week and was fine when I left him (saying that I needed to get DS3 ready for bed and then I would be back) and he had a great time.

How do children make us feel sooooo bad!!

Anyway, I am now going to take DS3 to nursery so I will be back soon.

OP posts:
lizziemun · 05/02/2009 09:45

YANBU

I sent dd1 to school with a bad head cold and asked to teacher to ring me if she needed to come home.

The school will contact you if he is realy ill. I would then put him to bed with no treats(tv, dvd's etc).

And yes they know how to make feel guilty. DD2 has this down to a fine art and she only 17mths .

wotulookinat · 05/02/2009 09:52

LIzziemum, I'm sure the parents of the other kids in your dd's class will be really pleased at you sharing the germs

Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 09:53

DS3 announced in the car that his tummy hurts too. He has gone into nursery really happily and is now running around with his pals

It is unlike DS2 to be like this, he does enjoy school normally. He is a bit more of a worrier than the other 2 and he has been worried about a friendship this week too. I also think having the 2 days off due to snow at the beginning of the week hasn't helped much.

No call from school yet, so I would assume he is fine.

OP posts:
swanriver · 05/02/2009 09:54

I've had this a lot. Occasionally I go with it, and accept the sore tummy whether she has one or not, as a password for "I'm completely fed up and desperately need a day at home with mum", but most of the time I send child in. I think anxiety/buildup of getting ready might easily give a child a temporary tummyache but once the child is IN school the anxiety disappears and they feel fine. If they are off-colour teacher will send them home immediately. No teacher wants a vomiting/tummy upset child in classroom.

Don't feel mean. It very easily gets out of hand when they think they control the situation. I think sometimes dd was relieved when I made decision for her to go to school, she had made her complaint of not feeling well, I was sympathetic showed an interest gave attention did not show irritation at delaying tactic but sent her to school anyway in a sort of positive way.

Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 09:54

So wotulookinat should I have kept DS2 off with a cough? You can't keep children off just because they have coughs and colds...they'd never be at school!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 09:57

Yes swanriver, that's how I handle it. I was sympathetic, but did say that the teacher would decide. I think he has just realised that saying he feels unwell gets him a day off. He was sent home the week before last because he wasn't feeling well and he liked the fuss {grin] Typical male

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 05/02/2009 09:57

Nah, not with a cough, but that's bit different from a bad head cold, surely. I am a teacher, and I catch so many illnesses from kiddies, colds and such, and then that can result in me having to take a day off, hich disrupts things for everyone.

Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 10:00

Tis the time of year for colds unfortunately. Mine have had a few this winter and have been absolutely fine in themselves so they go to school! What is the difference between a cough and cold?

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 10:00

In fact I am more likely to keep them off with a cough rather than a cold.

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 05/02/2009 10:01

It's just that a bad head cold, in one person's post, sounds a lot worse than a cough.

swanriver · 05/02/2009 10:08

Lizziemun, I think school is different from home. They are expected to work quite hard there (we hope), concentrate, read write run around in playground. When they are home they may appear fine just a bit sniffley but at school they might have felt absolutely awful. I don't think that you have to treat a sickday as a sort of bootcamp where they are not allowed out of bed.
I do say no park tho'!

alardi · 05/02/2009 10:10

Odds are that Lizziemum's child picked the bug up at school already; it's probably circulated widely already.

If it makes Squirdle feel any better, I sent DS2 to school in exactly the same condition (on same terms about teacher phoning me, too) on Monday. I even brought a buggy to pick him up (he's only 4). He was fine in the afternoon, still cold with the snow and all, but seeming much more well than when he went in.

clam · 05/02/2009 10:10

My DS (12) is in the wet and windy phase of a cold. He was really weedy and pathetic last night and went to bed early, after falling asleep in our bed. He normally loves school and chooses to go even when off-colour. As I wasn't working today, I was going to phone him in sick. Then we awoke to snow, and he said he didn't want to go sledging. So I knew he really was unwell! But it now transpires the school's shut anyway.
But, my point is, that if it seems your DS is often complaining of minor ailments on school days, it might be worth having a word with his teacher to see if there's something going on to make him unhappy at the moment.

Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 10:25

swanriver, I wouldn't do the bootcamp thing either. I don't think it's neccessary to put them to bed with no tv/books etc (not that he has a tv in his room anyway)

alardi, thankyou that does make me feel better

clam, he does have something going on at school atm. He has a friend who is autistic, a lovely boy and they get on fabulously. However when DS2 wants to play with other friends the other boys gets very sad and DS2 being the little sweetie he is feels bad and will stop playing with other friends to play with his friend. I think he is feeling a little cut off from other friends atm and while he still really likes said friend, and still wants him to play, he also wants to branch out. This little boy can be very loud and DS says he doesn't get to speak because he is always talked over. It's nothing at all against his friend, like I say he is lovely, but it is hard for a 6 yr old (especially DS2 who is very kind) to understnd the goings on of other children...whether they are SN or not! Btw, DS doesn't know his friend has SN, I don't feel it's neccessary to tell him. I have spoken to the teacher about it though and they had noticed it, and were trying to encourage other friendships iygwim.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirdle · 05/02/2009 10:25

Maybe I should ask some advice form the SN crew!

OP posts:
lizziemun · 05/02/2009 12:48

wotulookinat

DD's school actually tell us to bring them in with cold. Their policy is unless given capol then there is no reason to not send them to school.

And yes she caught from her teacher. Coughs and colds are a fact of life. You can't not go to school or work just because you have a cold.

wotulookinat · 05/02/2009 16:02

I wasn't talking about the sniffles or a bit of a runny cold, I was referring to the bad head cold that was mentioned, which I take to mean completely bunged up, proper thick snot, pounding head and all that jazz.

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