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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed with my DH this morning?

60 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 09:28

DH works 30 miles away (along all main roads once you're out of our side street) and has a 4x4. He leaves for work at 7am.

This morning we woke to a couple of inches of snow - DH goes off to work as usual, not a mention of getting ds1 to school.

DS1's school is 1 1/2 miles from home down 2 very steep hills - it's open today. I drive a little peugeot.

DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 8 months. I cleared the car and got them all togged up, negotiated my way to school with several very big skids on the way (luckily there was no-one else oming!) only to find 1 other child in DS's class! So I slowly made my way home (a very long way round as the council have now closed the steep roads!). I'm still shaking from the journey!

Got a text from DH while I was dropping off DS1 saying he'd got to work fine and the roads were all clear!!!

So AIBU to be annoyed that he disappeared off as usual without us knowing if school was open, helping me to clear the car, or taking ds to school in what is a far more suitable car for the conditions?

OP posts:
Alambil · 05/02/2009 09:29

nope - seems a bit off to me... would it have mattered if he'd waited for school time though to his job or did he need to leave at 7?

moondog · 05/02/2009 09:29

Well it made more sense for him to go the furthest distance in the big car surely?
11/2 miles could be walked in just over 1/2 an hour in worst case scenario.

Libralovesbiscuits1975 · 05/02/2009 09:31

Whilst I can understand why you are annoyed you really should have said something to your DH if you thought you would be safer today in the 4x4. So I'm sitting on the fence on this one!

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 05/02/2009 09:31

Is he ususally thoughtful and involved in what's happening with the DC, or does he see is life as Man DOes Important Paid WOrk and everything related to domestic life and childcare as unimportant woman-work? Because if he's otherwise OK then he might have been anxious about getting to work on time or losing his job or having his pay docked, hence the temporary spell of selfishness.

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 09:33

He could have gone later - apart from his computer is broken so he's desparate to get it fixed

Moondog - I'm not able to walk it atm because I have pelvic problems since having ds2. The hills are steep and the combination of walking, with hills and ds2 to push would be impossible. It might be do-able without having ds2 to push but that's not an option as DH has gone to work!

OP posts:
IdrisTheDragon · 05/02/2009 09:33

I can understand you being a bit annoyed but it does make more sense for him to take the larger car. Does he usually leave at 7? If he had waited then it would probably have taken him longer to get to work, and then longer to get back as well.

Lizzylou · 05/02/2009 09:34

Hmm, I see your point Iwish tbh, DS1's school is up a hill and the carparking area is bad when it snows, I hate the school run in this weather and it scares the life out of me.
I think YANBU

Tortington · 05/02/2009 09:36

he should have swapped cars no question

tell him from me he is a dumb shit

TrinityRhino · 05/02/2009 09:37

you should have spoken up if you wanted him to do something different
I wouldn't have a problem driving in the ice and snow in your small car....maybe your dh had no idea that you would have preffered the other car?

also he needs to go further, no? so should have the more stable car?

themoon66 · 05/02/2009 09:38

I wouldn't have bothered going out... not worth the risk of having an accident with two small DC in the car. Also... what if you'd been banged by another car or, heaven forbid, a lorry and had your little car written off? Then you'd be facing walking every day! A day off school is not the end of the world for a 3 year old in the scale of things.

TrillianAstra · 05/02/2009 09:42

What happened to the other child in DS1's class? Did they stay there all alone? Was the teacher there?

Would you have been just as annoyed if school had been up and running and full, or are you mostly annoyed that your unpleasant journey was also unnnecessary?

Don't have an answer for you yet. I know I would be annoyed too under those circumstances, but think maybe I would just be BU as well.

There are plenty of reason why he might have needed the 4x4 (as shown by him ringing - I doubt he calls you every day to say he got to work safely). 30 miles is a long way, you were probably in bed at 7 when he left, there are often accidents on main roads in snow.

oregonianabroad · 05/02/2009 09:46

You should have said something if you thought you would need the 4x4 -- if your DH is anything like mine, he is not a very good mind reader.

SOunds like you all should just be grateful that you have got to your destinations safely!

purpleduck · 05/02/2009 09:49

But Moondog - pushing a buggy with an 8 month old would be really really unpleasant!!

wotulookinat · 05/02/2009 09:51

I agree with themoon66 - I wouldn't have risked it - at least not without ringing the school first to see if it was open.
Sooooooooooooo, sorry to buck the trend, but YUBU.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 05/02/2009 09:58

yabu. You were mad to go out in the first place if it was that bad.

TrinityRhino · 05/02/2009 09:58

yes, not sure why you didn't ring the school...

IdrisTheDragon · 05/02/2009 10:04

I hadn't realised he was 3 at first either. I really wouldn't have tried with a three year old.

Squirdle · 05/02/2009 10:05

So if your DS is 3 then it is a nursery or pre-school he attends? If it was that difficult then why didn't you just keep him off? Your DH going to work is imo more important than your DS going to nursery.

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 10:11

did you ask dh to help you out?
why didnt you phone the school to check it was open?

sorry, but your dh did nothing wrong - he went to work - its his job - its not like he went off to the pub or for a game of golf

i think its quite lucky you have 2 cars tbh

next time phone the school

Bubbaluv · 05/02/2009 10:15

I wouldn't send my DH out on a thirty mile trip to work on icey main roads in a small car that can't make it safely round the school run.
He HAS to go to work, while a day off school is not the end of the world.
Maybe trade your Peugot in for a Subaru or similar. I spent nearly half an hour getting out of our icey driveway yesterday trying to collect DS from nursery, only to watch my neighbour drive off completely effotlessly in his Subaru
After these last few days I am def going to be trading in my car within the next month.

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 10:15

I knew the school was open - I'd rung to check. There were more teachers than pupils!

DH should have the bigger car I agree.

I think my issue is the way that he went off to work as normal even though the conditions here are far from normal and didn't think to ask if I needed any help with clearing the car or getting ds1 to school.

I've rung him to get this off my chest and he did say, "sorry, I didn't think."

That sums it up really - He didn't think and that's what annoys me! Maybe I ABU!

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 05/02/2009 10:17

Her school WAS open though. She DID check.
I still would not have gone, knowing how slippery the roads are.

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 10:17

i feel a bit sorry for your dh actually!

he made the mistake of thinking you are perfectly capable of getting your ds to school, he made the mistake of thinking you had a tongue in your head if you wanted to ask for help

he isnt a mind reader

Bubbaluv · 05/02/2009 10:20

If he did think about it, though, I would imagine he would think "I have a responsibility to be at work on time. Nursery is nice for DS but hardly cruicial. why would I risk my life so DS can get to nursery today? Hmmm, better be off to work"

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 10:20

No he's not an mind reader - I agree but his eyes work perfectly well and he could see that it had snowed which could well indicate that things aren't the same as usual and he might have then thought to ask if I needed any help!

But he didn't and it's gone now but I feel better for getting it off my chest so thanks eveyone!

OP posts: