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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really annoyed with my DH this morning?

60 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 09:28

DH works 30 miles away (along all main roads once you're out of our side street) and has a 4x4. He leaves for work at 7am.

This morning we woke to a couple of inches of snow - DH goes off to work as usual, not a mention of getting ds1 to school.

DS1's school is 1 1/2 miles from home down 2 very steep hills - it's open today. I drive a little peugeot.

DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 8 months. I cleared the car and got them all togged up, negotiated my way to school with several very big skids on the way (luckily there was no-one else oming!) only to find 1 other child in DS's class! So I slowly made my way home (a very long way round as the council have now closed the steep roads!). I'm still shaking from the journey!

Got a text from DH while I was dropping off DS1 saying he'd got to work fine and the roads were all clear!!!

So AIBU to be annoyed that he disappeared off as usual without us knowing if school was open, helping me to clear the car, or taking ds to school in what is a far more suitable car for the conditions?

OP posts:

DaphneMoon · 05/02/2009 10:22

Ok so you rang the school and the fact that they said there were more teachers than pupils didn't give you a little hint that it was really not worth the bother of going!

2pt4kids · 05/02/2009 10:23

My Dh leaves for work at 7am. I'd never expect him to miss work to help me get my 3 yr old to pre school.
If weather is so bad its risky to drive then I'd keep him at home.
Sorry YABU

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 10:24

bubbaluv is right

DaphneMoon · 05/02/2009 10:24

It's gone, crikey it's awful here in Lincolnshire, I got up at 7.30 and it has not stopped actually snowing yet. We have had several inches and I cannot even get my car off the drive.

LostVagueness · 05/02/2009 10:29

Ok here is the male point of view. I get up for work most mornings at 7 and when I am not taking my wife to work I just get up and go, usually leaving my DW and DD in bed.

I would be more worried about getting to work on time than DW being able to go out in her car as if she couldn't get to nursey then she would stay off with DD.

I would also call to let her know I had arrived at work safely. As for needing help to clean the snow off the car. I wouldn't even consider that!

4x4 would seem much more sensible for your DH journey to work. OK so he didn't think but I guess you must have known that there was a possibility of more snow. Why didn't you mention it to him last night?

Panda40 · 05/02/2009 10:37

This in my experience is a typical bloke response!! Not the right one but in their piggled minds his work is the most important.He would not even have thought about the snow and would just have taken it for granted that you would cope... I know it is annoying and frustrating but at least you told him about it all and he apologised. Maybe next time you just need to ask him to drop the kids at school

themoon66 · 05/02/2009 10:50

Daphnemoon... where in Lincs are you?

I'm near Market Rasen and haven't even bothered trying to get out this morning.

OhBling · 05/02/2009 10:53

YABU.

Ask next time. You set him a test to prove he cared about you but he didn't even know he was being tested and he failed as a result.

Original poster

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 10:56

Daphnemoon - when I rang school it was just an answerphone message saying that school was open. It was only when we got there that I saw how few pupils were there!

Lostvagueness - thank you for giving us a male perspective on this. It sounds like you think in a very similar way to my DH! We did talk about it last night and he had said that if it snowed as much as it did here on Tuesday then he wouldn't be going. It did snow that much so I was amazed that he got up and went!

I think perhaps I have BU, but perhaps so was he a little too (tin hat is on!!).

Anyway, it's snowing more now so I think I'm going to have to take a load of painkillers, get ds2 togged up again and in the pushchair and try walking to pick ds1 up. He hates the walk home at the best of times so this could be interesting!

OP posts:

DaphneMoon · 05/02/2009 10:57

themoon I'm about 9 miles east of Sleaford.

Original poster

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 10:58

Ohbling - I wasn't consciously testing him! That makes me sound extremely unreasonable and I think I have only been a bit!!

OP posts:

DaphneMoon · 05/02/2009 10:59

Sorry that should be 5 miles not 9, I am 9 miles east of our School.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 05/02/2009 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OhBling · 05/02/2009 11:22

Glad it wasn't conscious! Sorry if I seemed harsh, it wasn't meant to be as harsh as that.

GetOrfMoiLand · 05/02/2009 11:33

Perhaps you should have asked DP for the bigger car to go down the hills. Don't think your DP is being thoughtless, just it's first thing in the morning and presumably he thouht that his grown wife could ask for the 4x4 if she needed it

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 11:44

his work IS most important

its certainly more important than taking a 3 yr old to nursery

i do not think your dh should have to say sorry for thinking that you were capable of coping. little did he know he married a princess who needs a man to sweep the snow off her car

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 11:45

i think you are being selfish stamping your feet cos you didnt get the better car for an unecessary journey

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 11:46

what if it was the othe way round? you had to get up at 7am to go out in the freezing cold to get to your work and your dh asked you for the car to take ds to nursery when its not even that important he goes?

i better leave this thread now...

mayorquimby · 05/02/2009 12:05

yabu, and i feel sorry for your dh today.

ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 05/02/2009 12:20

yabu - plenty of people have had to drive places in less than favorable conditions - how do you think single parents manage

nbee84 · 05/02/2009 12:22

nailpolish - I was thinking the exact same thing - that it would be unreasonable to ask for the 4x4 for an unneccesary journey. If it is bad to drive 1½ miles in a little car then it would hell to drive 30 miles in it.

GetOrfMoiLand · 05/02/2009 12:23

lol at Nailpolish

Sheeta · 05/02/2009 12:31

YABU - if you wanted 4x4 today you should have asked for it.

Original poster

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 19:15

Well thanks everybody - this was my first post on AIBU! I'm grateful for your honest opinions!

I don't think I got my point across very well at all (I wasn't expecting DH to travel to work in the smaller car)but that's a lesson learnt for any other AIBU posts that I might dare to make in the future!

FWIW I wasn't expecting quite such personal attacks but again I'll put it down to experience!!

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 05/02/2009 19:51

Problem is too many people use their brakes in the snow which is the worst thing to do.
You need to leave plenty of space and stay in 2nd gear the whole time, just let the engine do the braking and also steer very gently.
When you have to brake just tap the pedal gently on/off several times to prevent the wheels from locking (cadence braking).
Actually ABS systems get really confused by snow and they are best switched off (if you can).

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