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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how women can have kids under five and still manage to look good?

285 replies

fufflebum · 03/02/2009 15:53

I feel frumpy today. Anyone else?

Have a four year old and a nearly one year old.

AIBU to wonder how other women seem to manage to put on makeup and buy good fitting clothes???

I manage a shower and hairwash every morning but makeup and new clothes an impossibility.....!!!

Any tips?

OP posts:
LeQueen · 04/02/2009 10:41

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LeQueen · 04/02/2009 10:46

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madamekoto · 04/02/2009 10:49

Pre bambinos I had to be on a train, well groomed by 6.30 so learnt to get ready FAST.

Also I am very GINGER so if I dont put some mascara on I have no eyelashes. Most of you ladies probably dont need make up at all!

minxofmancunia · 04/02/2009 10:52

I realyy don't have time to srighten my hair unless I get up at 5.00am which I'm not prepared to do! But I CAN make it look ok with a bit of product.

TBH all the Mums round here look pretty groomed, the majority work, I think, in jobs where you have to look ok. Out of all my Mum friends everyone always looks nice even if we do conform to the jeans/top/boots uniform that seems pretty standard on our days off!

hazeyjane · 04/02/2009 11:02

Lequeen, your experience of exhaustion might be very different from someone elses, also there is a big difference in the exhaustion you feel from having 2 lo's ( mine are 14 months apart), and the 'find it difficult to function' exhaustion that people suffer when ill/depressed or suffering in the way that it sounds like Pregnanthedgewitch is, that's why I thought you were being harsh, when throwing your hands up in the air about people who don't shower every day.

BTW, I was talking to my mum the other day about the fact that we all used to have one bath a week when we were growing up, but I don't think we were particularly stinky!

claireybrations · 04/02/2009 11:54

Lequeen "pop the baby in her moses basket" Yes that is great if it really was as easy as that and I've have loved to just pop ds in his moses basket and go off and shower etc but to me the heartrending screams were not worth being able to put on some slap-listening to him scream always made me feel far more shit than going out without styling my hair did.

wastingmyeducation · 04/02/2009 12:04

I had a good routine going for a couple months before we started DS on solids.
I'd get him changed, stick him in his rocker chair in the bathroom and get showered while singing very loudly for him.
But now I change him after breakfast, so it's at least 9 before he's dressed, and then he's tired, so too grumpy to play in his entertainer while I get showered etc., so I feed him to sleep and then it's time to start getting ready for lunch. It's been doing my head in!
So I'm thinking of showering in the evening instead, even though I hate not showering in the morning.
I have no problem with other people showering less if they're not smelly, but I've got ishoos.

largeginandtonic · 04/02/2009 12:05

If ididn't shower and do my hair and make up every morning i wouldn't leave the house.

It takes me 20 minutes. I get up earlier so i can.

I have 7 children and the baby is 2 weeks. Just make it part of your routine and pick nice clothes up as you do the weekly shop. It can be done.

wastingmyeducation · 04/02/2009 12:12

Wow largeginandtonic 7 kids, and you're the same age as me! Respect.

I think I'll get more organised as time goes on, circumstances will force my hand.
I've found that the more I have to do, the more I get done.

clutteredup · 04/02/2009 12:33

LeQueen I do brush my hair but I don't spend time faffing around with make up and hair straighteners and although I couldn't claim to be an 'uber earth mummy' since i am on the floor with my 2 yo and cleaning the house I don't much see the point of looking all spruced up just to take the DC to school - rather wear my wellies to stop me falling over with the pushchair in the snow - I am clean and my hair is brushed , but not 'styled' and I don't wear those pajama clothes but I wouldn't say I was ultra stylish either - could we have a happy medium here somewhere ?
A practical SAHM kit for everyday wear, that takes about 5 to 10 mins max to put together in the morning - I accept if you go to work and need to look presentable it's just a case of getting up at 5 am. I often do that with DD2 anyway but then I choose to go back to bed

muppetgirl · 04/02/2009 12:38

I exercise which makes me feel good about myself plus I keep in shape (though I am 17 weeks prgt with dc 3) I don't have tons of clothes but have a lot of basics that all go together so I don't have to spend hours getting ready. I don't wear make up but I know I am lucky to have good skin and this is a luck of the draw really. I don't have a hair style as such just keep it long as it is curly so it dries great and I can put it up if needs be. I'm not the most beautiful woman in the wordl but I suppose I just keep things simple and feel happy with myself and dh says this comes across in how I present myself.

clutteredup · 04/02/2009 12:46

..oh yes and what coordinates with my current attire of a set of bunny ears on an alice ban which DD2 made me put on about half an hour ago and I've only just realised I'm still wearing - lucky we haven't gone shopping yet!

dingdong05 · 04/02/2009 12:55

It's all about priotities in the end, isn't it? Some posters would value spending 1/2 hour doing the grooming thing as it's a high priority, whereas spending 10 moins watcging the news, 10 mins having a sneeky coffee break or whatever is a higher priority to someone else.
Same thing with exersizing

I went through phases of being careful with my grooming prebaby, but feel the need is more pressing now as I'm getting older, more tired and don't look so fresh faced as I did in my 20s!

clutteredup · 04/02/2009 12:57

You're right dingdong I need my cup of tea in the morning more than I need to put on lipstick - I was doing both for a bit but have now misplaced my lipstick and didn't have time to look for it in the morning - can't be arsed now

muppetgirl · 04/02/2009 13:01

Me too with the tea!

I never subscribed to the perfect hair/perfect makeup brigade and was glad I felt confident to do without. I have wild hair and nice skin so that does me. I don't spend hrs in a slaon and I'm not frightend of going out in the rain (friends with straightened hair are terrified )

Don't get me wrong though I love wearing a grilie dress, doing my hair and having a bit of makeup on for a wedding/special night out.

Poppycake · 04/02/2009 13:08

it's true - unless you're having a particularly hard time of it, you will make time for what's important to you (I can get through a couple of books a week but have no time whatsoever to exercise ). Working does make me make a bit of an effort, but I do think it's worth trying to get a half hour free to do an eye lash tint and eyebrow shape and tint because then even if I've been particularly rushed in the morning I don't look too minging (relatively unminging, anyway!)

ChippingIn · 04/02/2009 13:14

LeQueen on Wed 04-Feb-09 10:24:36

Wow, nice, non judgemental post?!?!?!

Have you considered that maybe some women don't get as stale as you do??

I really cannot believe you said that stuff... how rude. Especially after HedgeWitch posting about how much it hurts her to shower...

Maybe your kids are easier than other peoples, maybe yours didn't scream when put in a moses basket or whatever, but FFS take a reality check and have a little compassion.

I DO shower every morning, simply because I don't feel human if I don't. However, I still look like an unmade bed when I take the LO to school because I can't currently find any clothes that fit me any better than the scruffy ones I own! So, yes, it is more difficult for me to put on nice clothes and not be so...ummm.... scruffy FFS if that's my greatest crime in a day... then so be it.

seeker · 04/02/2009 13:15

Staff, dear lady, staff.

ChippingIn · 04/02/2009 13:21

I also meant to add, one of my best friends doesn't shower everyday, she doesn't smell. She is tall, blonde and wears clothes well - so although she hasn't showered she looks well groomed, I'm short, overweight and don't wear clothes well so rarely look well groomed...

Oblomov · 04/02/2009 13:27

Some women just look good. Take the time to look good. Like an italian mentality, where you wouldn't even lean out to take in a pint of milk unless you were fully made up and looking like Carla Bruni.
Some others just slob around in their tracksuit bottoms.
And this has nothing to do with whether or not you have children.

harleyd · 04/02/2009 13:31

but jumping in the shower isnt taking the time to look good
its taking the time to be clean and hygienic
most people would look at me and think im scruffy
but im still up, showered, makeup, hair done and dressed, albeit in my usual scruffy stylee

i can see the point of some, who physically have problems using a shower or bath

but i cant understand those who say they dont have 5mins to jump in a shower and get washed and brush their hair in the mornings.

but hey, each to their own i guess, its not causing me any grief...

TheYearOfTheCat · 04/02/2009 13:37

There is a lot of research about our national obsession with showering and bathing contributing to the rise in eczema and allergies. It can certainly be very drying on the skin.

I think every other day is fine, but it probably has a lot to do with what you are doing during the day, how hot your house / worlplace is / personal physiology.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 04/02/2009 13:43

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claireybrations · 04/02/2009 13:55

clutteredup I'm also somewhere in the middle I guess. I do shower everyday, and did even though it was often v difficult when ds was younger. I always put a bit of makeup on to go out(though often don't wear it around the house), I always brush my hair though it isn't often styled. Clothes are jeans and tops but anything I wasn't comfortable being seen wearing I got rid of.

I suppose it is down to priorites, although when ds was tiny I didn't really feel like I had the choice to comfort him rather than shower which is why my shower would often wait until he did sleep for longer than a few minutes and I could put him down without him screaming the house down. And actually I probably could have been quite groomed once the actual showering bit was out of the way, I spent plenty of time with him in the sling and could have done lots of hairdrying and make up applying in that time It was the getting washed bit that was difficult with him velcroed to me

muppetgirl · 04/02/2009 14:02

I've always put the dc in their bouncy chair when I needed a shower in front of the shower. When crawling I'd have them in the bathroom with a few toys -door shut.

I wash but don't shower everyday. I suppose this comes from 3 years of living on a narrowboat that had only heating down one side so NONE in the tiny bathroom. You didn't shower everyday as it was bloody freezing too. A stand up wash down was always painful in the winter but I did it.

I don't use shower gels either or soap and only use shampoo/conditioner as my hair is long and get tangly.

Dh showers at least twice a day as he runs/exercises everyday. He is always complaining of dry skin.