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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate homework and the stresses it brings?

87 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 02/02/2009 21:34

I have always tried to make sure ds has his homework ready for school. At previous school it was spellings every night and reading. Occasionally there was a homewrk sheet to complete (often numberacy). It was a routine homework was set on a friday and due on the following friday.

This new school has the reading, no spellings and adhoc homework. When it is set it is given on a friday and due in on a wednesday. So the children dont have that long to do it.

Ds also sees his dad every other weekend, who is completely useless at getting ds to do homework and forgets it everytime which means ds has to cram it in on a monday night as he swims on a tuesday.

It has been a complete nightmare trying to get him motivated to do it again, resulting in tears all round, his, mine and babies

Admittedly he did have more time today as was off school but it was a large piece of work too and needed research.

He is 8 and i dont remeber homework at this age. I hate that the weekends and evenings can be spent in a really stressful way. It does nothing to compell him to liking school and it makes things tense for him at home.

Maybe i am completely lazy but i feel he is at school enough hours of the day and whilst i agree that it is important to support education (and he reads every day to himself and when he can to us) i really dont ge all this extra.

OP posts:
LoveMyLapTop · 02/02/2009 21:36

I wish that DS's didnt have homework, there arent enough hours in the day as it is.
Why cant it wait until they reach high school?
I would rather my two were out playing than foing spellings.

CherryChoc · 02/02/2009 22:08

YANBU. I had homework every night in year 6 and it was one of the factors of me ending up moving to another school. There I had spellings once a week.

I find it astounding that increasingly younger children are being expected to do homework and I think it's disgusting the pressure that is put on them to do well. School should be fun at that age.

Am seriously considering home educating my DS but he is 4 months old so we will see in a few years what I want to do.

Linnet · 02/02/2009 22:09

I hate homework, especially maths homework as dd1 is not a natural with maths and neither am I, so it often ends in tears.

She has never been given homework over the weekend though. Homework is always given on the Monday due in on the Friday. I would refuse to do homework over a weekend, weekends are for family time/activities in my opinion, not for homework.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 02/02/2009 22:17

So, do i have words with the teacher over it? She is like Mrs Trunchball

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2009 22:29

Yes bring it up with the teacher and explain how you feel.

Im a teacher and at my school we have just moved on to more creative homework, eg to do something to do with the Romans. They get a few weeks to complete it and it can be anything-a model, piece of research, powerpoint presentation etc. The children and parents are much more enthusiastic. Could you suggest something like that ?

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 02/02/2009 22:42

It was fairly creative. It was an A3 sheet to be filled with facts about henry viii but in super neat work as forms part of project book (shouldnt they be doing the project book in school and not hometime?) Even if it had been collecting as many facts as they can and then bringing to school to then be written up.

Also feels like such a short time to do it in. As a family we want to spend time together.

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 03/02/2009 09:59

YANBU. The first time I was told that I 'had' to complete the homework/reading diary every night I went on a crazy one woman crusade. I ranted that I had completed my schooling years ago and teachers had no right to demand that I complete anything any night! I have a nightmareishly busy life and could cry sometimes when I'm still 'on' at 9 o'clock at night with school bags, swimming kits, ironing etc. and the last thing I need is another job. My DH patronisingly told me to calm down and said he would be responsible for it but I bet you can guess that that soon petered out and it's back to old muggins here to sort it. It is not that I object to the idea of children reading each night (my kids do it anyway) it is the inflexibility and mum always has to oversee it so ultimately it becomes another chore and another stress point in a family.

I also don't get the point of homework (at junior level) because when it is easy they get no benefit and it's just a time filling exercise but when it's hard they get confused and don't gain anything from it anyway. I agree with a report that came out a while ago that said homework is only valuable when it prepares you for a forthcoming topic. E.G. 'Find out some things about greek myths - we are going to start learning about them next week'. That way it is differentiated appropriately and kids can start a topic with enthusiasm because they know a little bit already. And teachers - please give at least a week to do it!

abraid · 03/02/2009 10:07

'The children and parents are much more enthusiastic. Could you suggest something like that ?'

Sorry, I find this kind of homework much more disruptive of family life than a sheet of sums or a comprehension, assuming homework for young children is strictly necessary, anyway; I prefer them to be given work they can complete themselves. We don't need creative projects from school, we have plenty of music/cooking/playing/visiting interesting places to be getting on with at home. The parents of year 5 and 6 children at our primary have sent in written complaints about the amount of time taken up by these open-ended projects.

I'm sorry to sound a bit strong on this point, but schools' 'creative' projects actually

My Year 7 at a prep school does less homework than his Year 5 sister at a primary. His preps involve learning some vocab., finishing some sums, answering a few geography or RE questions. They are usually completed the night they are set and we are DONE.

abraid · 03/02/2009 10:10

Sorry-- a bit missing in my message: I meant to say that it's been my experience and that of my friends that creative projects often end up being completed by parents who are sick of the amount of time eaten up.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 10:11

totally agree with you. At 8 kids IMO are better having almost complete freedom at home.

Also agree project book work shouldn't be being done as homework. If homework has a purpose at this age, which I doubt, surely as Fairy said it is to prepare for up-coming work or consolidate what has been learned...

I think we all need to be telling our headteachers this TBH and feeding info to ofsted where possible. IMVHO alot of primary homework is set to keep parents happy, some of whom think homework HAS to be set etc etc, and if they hear from parents who don't want homework I think it could gradually change the perception that it's necessary.

LucyEllensmummy · 03/02/2009 10:22

I think that homework at primary school should be abolished. It puts unnecesary stress onto families. Its not much better when it gets to secondary school either. I have vivid memories of lots of tears and shouting on both sides when DD1 had homework to do. I handled it badly actually but this was because i felt pressurised by the school. The only thing i felt it achieved with DD1 is soured her attitudes towards school and had a completely negative affect.

Now i have a DD who is going to start school in september. Im dreading the homework and im hoping that i can have the strength of character to stick up for her if she is struggling with it. Its bollocks, they are children and what? Do they not get to be children then? When are they supposed to go out with their mates, listen to music, play on their computors (limeted of course). No wonder our kids don't get exercise - they have to sit and do their fecking homework first, oh then what - its too late to play out. .

Its totally unfair, there are always going to be parents who can motivate their children easily and have the ability to help them with HW. But then we are told we shoudlnt be helping as they need to learn for themselves. There will be the parents who can't be arsed, there will be the parents who don't have time. There will be the parents, like me, who found the whole thing traumatic and wished she just said to DD, you know what? You don't want to do it - fine!

Im not saying children shouldn't have home reading and spellings, but enough is enough - research projects at 8 years old?? FFS its just ridiculous. Oh and yes, the creative projects - again, mixed bag, parents who can't be arsed, parents who don't have time, parents who basically do the work for their precious little ones so they are the best in the class (like it isn't obvious when a child turns up with a scale model of a roman tampitheatre at 7 years old) and those who actually enjoy this sort of thing and the children benefit from it. I just think its shit - great i suppose if you are the children of the last two parents, but less great when you turn up at school with something cobbled together at the last minute or an excuse - it fucks with your ego!

I am considering a teaching career - but this is one of the factors in my negative list which could put me off.

LucyEllensmummy · 03/02/2009 10:24

looking at some of my spelling and total lack of grammar in that post, maybe i would have benefited from doing more homework myself

TheInnocentBystander · 03/02/2009 10:33

Regular homework in primary schools pisses me off.

Those bloody research projects are the worst. We did one the other day about the Greeks. My lad couldn't be arsed with it so his sister and his Dad ended up doing it. What is the point in that?

I should have just sent him in to school and told his teacher he couldn't be bothered to do it but then I didn't want him getting into trouble. We did tell the teacher that his Dad really enjoyed the project so I hope they got the irony.

chocolatedot · 03/02/2009 10:40

I find it SO difficult to get my three children's homework done every night. I hate the "creative" stuff more than anything, This week my 4 year old had to create a poster using maps, flags and cut out pictures. It is patently ridiculous to suggest he is capable of doing that so obivously I have to do the majority of the work.

I genuinely don't mind the worksheet type stuff that they can do on their own but seriously resent anything that I have to sit with them for the whole time.

chocolatedot · 03/02/2009 10:42

It also irritates me immensely that according to the achool, my 2 youngest should be asleep "no later than 7.30pm). I would seriously like to know how I can get home from work, bath the three of them, cook supper, do three lots of homework and have them asllep by then given I'm on my own. Just not possible.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 10:46

chocolate, blimey, no I don't think anyone could get them in bed by that time!

Withdraw your consent to it! TELL the head you can't get these things done. I think we are all very good at moaning on threads but not so good at actually writing/talking to the school about these things.

School are not the police; if these things do not reasonably fit into family life, and are too onerous and not age appropriate then we simply need to tell the school it can't be done and that their homework policy needs adjusting.

Othersideofthechannel · 03/02/2009 10:48

Sign me up.

DS is 5 and leaves on the bus at 08.35, returns at 16.40 and has homework for the next day. It takes 10 minutes when he gets down to it but he has to feel cross about it for a least 20 before he gets started.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 10:56

I totally understand him feeling cross, poor boy! Maybe I am extremely un-supportive of my ds school but if it was making him cross like this every day I wouldn't do it, personally. He needs to come home and have his freedom at 5, far more than he needs to do whatever it is, IMO.

there is plenty of time to introduce the concept of a bit of work at home, in later years; not right now, at 5, and it just HAS to be counter productive doesn't it; surely his anger and resentment will colour his feelings about school in general.

what are we doing?! crazy

basementbear · 03/02/2009 10:57

I think homework at primary age is completely unnecessary and I really hate it!! With DS1 I was really good and made sure he did his reading/flashcards every day and his spellings etc on time - now that DS2 is also at school and having homework I am much less strict because of the time it takes to get through it all, and if they don't practise their spellings every day I don't worry about it! We always read together in the evenings anyway and the books are usually more interesting than the ones they bring back from school!

mm22bys · 03/02/2009 11:02

DS1 is 4 and he gets homework once a week on a Friday to hand in the following Friday, and reading books as and when we read them together (they are so so so boring!).

Sometimes I don't understand what he's supposed to do (eg a clock with hands at 10 o'clock, but some numbers are missing and he has to "find" them - did they mean for him to just write them in? Seemed really pointless to me) so I don't make him do it.

If he's inside and wants to watch tv or is drawing anyway I just ask him if he wants to do his homework. Sometimes he says yes, so he does (takes all of 5 minutes), other times he says no so I don't push it at all.

I don't feel strongly about it either way at his age, I don't make him do it, and they don't seem cross if he doesn't hand it in (some weeks we forget to do it), but I guess in that case you could argue what's the point he does any?

LucyEllensmummy · 03/02/2009 11:09

mm2bbys, you do realise the teacher will probably have a big black mark by your name - lazy mother, doesn't do homework!! Thats how i felt, like the school would think i was a bad parent. I was a single mother so over compensated. It is actually one of the biggest regrets i have - making my beautiful DD cry because she wasn't doing her homework

leenasmom · 03/02/2009 11:25

Just last night I was telling my dh that i think my dc get too much homework - or homework that eats into the family time... my daughter(7yrs old) is the type if she doesnt understand it she gets upset and then i try to explain it and it is hard for both off us as it becomes a chore and usually ends in tears.. my ds is the opposite he will look at it and if it was some thing he knows how to do he will try it...not worried about it if its is right or wrong and if he cant do it he will say he cant and i send it back without it being done. with the schools off today they had a few pieces of homework to do we scrammed them in last night so we could enjoy the snow today...

Fleurlechaunte · 03/02/2009 11:45

I absolutely hate homework. I am not great at explaining things and get really frustrated with myself, which ds picks up on and it is just a totally unenjoyable and stressful experience for both us.

I am not a great fan of formal learning like this. I would far rather take ds to museums and do things like cooking and gardening and walks learning about nature to teach him out of school hours. I occasionally chuck a children's Spanish DVD plus various educational CD Roms on for him and he picks so much up like that. Far more than tearful, stressful homework sessions.

amess · 03/02/2009 11:50

YANBU I too hate homework and sometimes I actually pretend they did it alone or they have read a book when they have not because I am fed up of the pressure and upset it causes. Okay not all the time but too often it causes strain to fit it in and the unnecessary upset I can do without never mind the children.

higgle · 03/02/2009 12:03

I'm astonished at these comments, if children don't learn how to give up a little time to do homework from an early age it is very difficult to establish a routine later. My sons went to a prep school where they had to stay to do their "prep" for increasing amounts of time after school, starting at 30m at 7 and working up to 1.5 hours at 11. Now that they are both at a state secondary school they are very motivated and always do their homework immediately they come in before supper.There is something wrong if parents let children get away with not doing homework because "they can't be arsed" How are they ever gong to learn to apply themselves to anything that doesn't bring instant gratification?