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Original poster

To hate homework and the stresses it brings?

87 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 02/02/2009 21:34

I have always tried to make sure ds has his homework ready for school. At previous school it was spellings every night and reading. Occasionally there was a homewrk sheet to complete (often numberacy). It was a routine homework was set on a friday and due on the following friday.

This new school has the reading, no spellings and adhoc homework. When it is set it is given on a friday and due in on a wednesday. So the children dont have that long to do it.

Ds also sees his dad every other weekend, who is completely useless at getting ds to do homework and forgets it everytime which means ds has to cram it in on a monday night as he swims on a tuesday.

It has been a complete nightmare trying to get him motivated to do it again, resulting in tears all round, his, mine and babies

Admittedly he did have more time today as was off school but it was a large piece of work too and needed research.

He is 8 and i dont remeber homework at this age. I hate that the weekends and evenings can be spent in a really stressful way. It does nothing to compell him to liking school and it makes things tense for him at home.

Maybe i am completely lazy but i feel he is at school enough hours of the day and whilst i agree that it is important to support education (and he reads every day to himself and when he can to us) i really dont ge all this extra.

OP posts:
janeite · 03/02/2009 12:10

I agree with Higgle (although not the prep school thing) - I think homework, even for primary aged children, is a Good Thing and teaches children a lot about deadlines, time management, presenting work to a suitable level etc. I am shocked that many parents don't support schools in the setting of Homework and think there will many children who have huge problems come secondary school and certainly come coursework time, if they are not used to having a homework routine.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 12:14

For me it's certainly not about not being arsed.

I don't buy the thing about setting in a routine now as if you don't it won't be possible later.

Children don't work like that; adults may, but children are not mini adults. They are developing and at different stages in their development they need different things; just because they don't do A at age 5, doesn't mean they won't be able to do A when they are 12

That approach smacks to me of the 'training' approach which so many adults have with kids and IMVHO it is not the approach best suited to childhood.

LucyEllensmummy · 03/02/2009 12:16

I totally disagree with you higgle, by the time my DD got to secondary school she just hated homework with a vengence and it caused us no end of problems. I firmly believe that if homework had been restricted to weekly spellings and home reading she would have fared much better.

As for giving up time? Since when have you wanted to do work stuff at home, having worked hard all day? I can remember being exhausted after school and homework was the last thing i wanted to do. Same for DD1, would leave for school in the morning at 7.15 and get home at 5 after a bus journey. Then have to do the 1 then 2 then 3 hours a night homework on top of the school day?

Maybe that is one of the reasons we have problems in society - we are not allowing our children to be CHILDREN. There is plenty of time for stress and pressure in the adult world and maybe if they are given the freedom to develop confidence as children, instead of feeling unnecessary pressures from homework as children, they might actually go on to be more productive memebers of society.

I used to think like you with DD1 - HUGE mistake

LucyEllensmummy · 03/02/2009 12:20

"I think homework, even for primary aged children, is a Good Thing and teaches children a lot about deadlines, time management, presenting work to a suitable level etc."

deadlines, time management, presenting work to a suitable level?? these are CHILDREN we are talking about i am truly saddened by this.

All i want my DD to be worried about at primary school is who won the conker fight - the rest of that can come later.

Im not saying that there should be NO homework, but it should be minimal and enjoyable and deadlines? deadlines shmedlines - as a society, we are truly damaging our children.

ellymae · 03/02/2009 12:21

I have to say that although I don't even have a child of school age yet, I already react like Fairynuff and go into a complete state at the very mention of it.

Now obviously I don't know exactly what is given as homework these days (I didn't get homework til I went to secondary school at 11) but a lot of it does seem to be new learning which as far as I'm concerned should be covered within school hours. Where is the equal education where you have some children whose parents are not prepared to put in the time to help them out, other children whose parents do all the work for them so they don't get to learn anything themselves either.

I am just praying that someone amongst the 'powers that be' will see sense before my dd goes to school and she can spend the next few years of her life enjoying her education not being bogged down by it.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 12:23

exactly LEM. Good post.

chocolatedot · 03/02/2009 12:24

I disagree too. Homework should only be given when children have the emotional/intellectual maturity to do it completely on their own and also accept that it is solely their responsibility to complete it to a satisfactory standard.

For those of us with 3 or more children and who WOTH, it is seriously difficult to get it done every night. I resent the fact that I am unable to go out on a weekday evening because of the dreaded homework.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 12:26

It's all part of this approach we seem to have now which is all about training children for the next stage before they actually reach the next stage.

We have lost our trust in children and childhood it seems to me. Or our understanding of child development.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 03/02/2009 12:41

Agree with LEM post - really well worded (unlike my shambolic rambling). THis thread has really really motivated me to want to talk to school about it.

Also today seeing all the kids outside playing in the snow and making friends was completely heart warming and what childhood is for.

Disagree with higgle as i think children learn best through play and the training to set time aside should come when they are mature enough to understand why better.

OP posts:
TheInnocentBystander · 03/02/2009 13:07

Yes my boy could not be arsed with his project. He did not want to do it, and despite however much we tried to convince him it would be 'fun', you could tell he thought the project idea was a load of pants.

Big shock. He was 7 years old FGS. He wants to run about and play instead of spending ages on a project (and it was a BIG project), not get stressed and bogged down in too much homework (He is in a shared class so he got the same project homework as the 11 year olds which si not fair IMO). He enjoys school and applies himself when there but out of there he should be free to relax at his age. He doesnt even know what day of the week it is let alone what time management etc is.

TheInnocentBystander · 03/02/2009 13:10

He happily reads his reading book and will do a small piece of literacy/numeracy homework once a week by the way - my point earlier on was that project work at this age can overface them and turn them off school and homework completely.

muppetgirl · 03/02/2009 13:26

why do we make our children do this homework if we don't agree with it?

I do reading with ds 4.10 as he likes it and is desperate to read. I do a bit letter formation as he needs a bit more fine motor skills input (as he never coloured in, played with paydough or anything else that builds the muscles in the hand so his hand aches when he does even a little bit of writing)

When he is older we will have homework but I will be 'around' but I am sure as heck not doing it for him. If he doesn't do it then that's his bag to deal with at school. If it's a very long and complicated project then I may cut it down to size I think we can manage and write a letter to the school explaining.

We have precious little home time as dh works long hours and only sees the children at breakfast. Our weekends are family time, not school time but at home.

I was a teacher and hated the homework policy schools had (is h/work still non-statutory? It was in my day as a teacher and some parents knew this and wouldn't have their children do it!)

MuffinToptheMule · 03/02/2009 13:27

I think that homework for primary aged children is a good thing. I am actually angry with my parents for having the attitude they did when it came to homework. They didn't mind if I did it or not. So I didn't do it. This carried on through to secondary school and resulted in me not doing the majority of my coursework, which had to be completed at home, as homework. My parents still had the same attitude of do it if you want to. When I did do it or got stuck and therefore angry/upset etc, my parents said "You shouldn't have work to do which you don't understand. It is not our job to teach you these things."
Homework requires self motivation and time planning skills. The sooner children learn these things the better IMO.

muppetgirl · 03/02/2009 13:32

Also, as a teacher I much preferred the child that found 1 fact by themselves about whatever topic we were researching as they were far more inclined to be enthusiastic about the subject as they had found it out. The child whose parents had completed their homework often didn't give two hoots about it or had just downloaded pages from the internet without even reading it so couldn't tell me anything about what they were researching. What is the point???

chocolatedot · 03/02/2009 13:32

I can't imagine anyone objecting to a reasonable amount of reading and maths homework, even for very young children. It is however the "projects" that do my head in.

muppetgirl · 03/02/2009 13:35

someone else also made the point that we are setting our children up for taking work home with you as a normal situation. That home may not be a relaxing place but an extension of the working day. We need to show them that when they come home they stop working and leanr to talk, play and socialise with friends and family.

My son goes to bed at 6pm as he's very tired from the school day, we get home around 3.30pm so he has a couple of hours to eat, see friends in the street and play with his brother...

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 13:37

but the fact that your parents didn't support your learning, and didn't moderate their ideas as you grew up, is the problem there, Muffin; it is not a logical conclusion to draw from that, that homework for primary age kids is a good thing.

HSMM · 03/02/2009 13:43

I don't have anything against a limited amount of sensible homework (sometimes it's not), but my DD is a very busy 9 year old and ends up doing most of it in the car on the way to dancing, or swimming, or somewhere else. She also likes to 'play' sometimes (and I agree with her). My biggest bugbear is that when I have done my level best to make sure she gets it all done on time .... she doesn't hand it in!!!!

ConfusedMama · 03/02/2009 13:49

Agree with Higgle!

There's not a conspiracy here of giving homework to make parents suffer/children cry, it's part of their education. Fine, don't "make" your DC's do it - will they be thanking you on GCSE results day, unless they are very bright kids who can easily adapt from doing little to no HW at primary to stacks of it at secondary?

YES children would rather be playing out and enjoying their freedom with no homework. Even as though I am educated and qualified with a good job myself, given the choice I would rather be travelling, shopping with my friends and generally enjoying myself every day than working all week - but that's not the way the world works!

Secondary school is a huge jump from primary and if children are not equipped for the transition then they could fall behind fairly quickly.

Children also pick up on parent's attitudes from a very early age so if homework is classed as "silly old homework" it's sending the wrong message to the child. By all means speak to the school and query the amount/level of HW your DC's get, but don't let the DC's know how you feel about it! The minute you relax the rules, so will they and it's a 100x harder to re-motivate them once you have revealed your own similar thoughts on HW. How can they take you seriously when you tell them to buckle down if the previous month you were ranting about it.

ConfusedMama · 03/02/2009 13:51

HMSS - dancing/swimming shouldn't be the priority over HW!!! It should be equal to those activities at the very least!

Unless your DCs are going to be dancers/swimmers in later life of course.

ConfusedMama · 03/02/2009 13:52

HSMM, sorry.

MuffinToptheMule · 03/02/2009 13:54

ConfusedMama - that is what I meant by my previous post. Thank you for articulating it for me. I agree with you completely.

Leo9 · 03/02/2009 13:58

That's exactly my point about preparing children for the next stage before they are AT that stage. It is a jump to secondary school yes, but that's why GCSE work isn't started as soon as they start secondary, so that the children can grow, mature, and become ready, and be introduced to homework appropriately!

As parents we are there to bring them up and look after all their needs not just make them complete homework; we are there to provide what they need to develop into rounded individuals; enough sleep, free play, relationships with friends and family, hobbies, cultural activities. At primary age when many kids are in bed by 6 or 7 there ARE competing priorities, IMO which are more important than homework.

ConfusedMama · 03/02/2009 14:02

LEM - I know this is going to sound v v critical for which I apologise in advance, because I don't WANT to critisise you but your statement "All i want my DD to be worried about at primary school is who won the conker fight - the rest of that can come later" is worrying.

Do you really not want your DD to succeed in more than conker fights at primary school?

ConfusedMama · 03/02/2009 14:02

LEM - I know this is going to sound v v critical for which I apologise in advance, because I don't WANT to critisise you but your statement "All i want my DD to be worried about at primary school is who won the conker fight - the rest of that can come later" is worrying.

Do you really not want your DD to succeed in more than conker fights at primary school?