to be angry/upset with my husband?

[MrsY]

I haven't even had my baby yet (due in three weeks) and he is already complaining about finances and saying that as soon as I recover from my c-section I'll have to go back to work - so during the recovery I'll have to go job hunting as I was only temping during pregnancy.

Am I selfish to wish he would stop talking about this? I can't bear the thought of ever leaving her, let alone when she's only a few weeks...

I know this puts all the pressure on him, and as a car salesman he's not exactly racking it in, but all I want to do is be at home with my baby.

oh dear...yanbu....
but if you are financially struggle then of course he might worry more.
A not sure what to suggest...but maybe someone else can give you suggestions for making money from home....if you are business minded at all...
not much help, I am sorry!

YANBU

However I think it's his way of expressing his fears and concerns. He may find it easier to talk about finances rather than any apprehensions he may have about all the other changes that are about to happen.

Maybe try explaining to him that you understand the concern about finances but that at the moment you're not finding his comments constructive.

What are your plans for returning to work? Would reiterating those plans help him?

FWIW, I'm due in May and my DH often talks about me going back to work sooner than I would like but I'm happy to try and reach a compromise as I know he finds shouldering all the financial responsibility a big pressure.

Before the current finance crisis I would have said, tell him to get a grip and belt up: right now I have some sympathy for the bloke. He's not blaming you, or having a go - he's probably just terrified - of bankruptcy, losing your house, having to live in a cardboard box eating fag ends and fighting the pigeons for a scrap of discarded KFC. Etc.
He's wittering on about it as a kind of stress-relief/superstition thing. Just say, 'Yes dear, of course,' reassure him and enjoy your PG. And when you get the chance, research self-employment options etc and what benefits you are entitled to as parents (ie depending on what he earns you might get WTC anyway).

Don't forget that you will get CTC and chld benefit.

And even if you were only temping you should get MA.

Well, for a start you may be entitled to some benefits, so that may ease the pain slightly.

Child benefit is £20 per week.

As soon as you can, apply for child tax credit.

If you get more than £30 a week tax credits, IIRC, you may be entitled to the surestart grant of £500. I'm not sue about the amount though to qualify.

Are you getting Maternity Allowance or SMP?

Sorry there's so much pressure on you. It can be hard for new dads too though remember.

YANBU but can see your DHs POV seems he is really worried about money and it doesn't help the way things are right now.

Has he realised that if you do go back to work you will have to pay childcare and that is not cheap?

I think you both have to sit down and look at your finances, see where you can reduce your outgoings.

I think he needs to ease up a bit this is your first baby and you both should be looking forward to meeting her not stressing about money and going back to work so soon.

Also I heard somewhere that a lot of nurseries don't accept babies under 8 weeks.

FWIW I thought I would be back at work when DD1 was 6 months, then extended it to 12, I'm still on maternity leave and she is 4.6years now, I couldn't bear to leave her either but in order for me to give up work we had to maek some serious sacrifices.

Good luck and best wishes x

Thanks - sweetkitty - his mum doesn't work, so will have the baby.

I will have to look into benefits, but it's all a bit complicated to work out what we are eligible for...

There can be a huge bug hornets nest about relatives looking after a baby especially a very young one.

Are you intending to BF? BF is free so cheaper than formula but it would be difficult (but not impossible to BF and work f/t).

The older generation have set views on child care, if his Mum has differing views than you this could cause conflict IYSWIM.

Look at www.entitledto.co.uk I think it's called will tell you what benefits you will receive

Sorry but no its not, go down to your local jobcentre they will tell you. Apply for MA, and get the phone number for Tax Credits office. When you have the baby get it registered ASAP, the registrar will give you the form to fill in to get child benefit and that is over £100 a week in those 3.

YABU I'm afraid. He must be sh**ting himself in this economic climate that he is going to be/is solely responsible for bringing in enough money for his whole family to live off.

As others have said, you really need to work out a budget, see how much you will get from benefits (go to the CAB for advice on this), and work out a plan between the two of you

did you talk about you going back to work after giving birth and how old baby will be?

yanbu in the fact you dont want to leave your little one but can understand that dh may be worrying how you will cope

agree write a budget, list ALL your outgoings and also make a diary for a week of EVERYTHING you buy - even a coffee

be careful of mil looking after your child - you may have different views on child acre/rearing etc

YANBU. You are pg ffs and if you're anything like me you want to be in a soft fluffy bubble (osterich) for the the last few weeks. Unfortunately there is plenty of time for the stark realities of life to hit you full force after the birth! I think it's a man thing though as my DH harped on about when I was going back to work all the way through my pg with DS and I was having a year off!! I think with hindsight he was a bit jealous as he was stressed at work and would have liked the time off himself.

Are you still planning to move up here near me? cost of living is cheaper than where you are atm and you know the difference in the prices of houses you were looking at is rather huge? If you were still thinking of it, would that free up a bit more money? And have you used the online calculator to see how much you would be entitled to in benefits?

oh, if you now live in london...buy in corby...I know it has a bad name...but the railway station is almost readsy now...which means 1 hour to st pancras...and they are really investing into corby...
we bought a house in a houseprice dip 3 years ago, and would not loose out if we sold it, because corby is still more expensive than t was when we bought, whilst other places houseprices dropped...
sorry rambling...

Only problem with moving is loosing the free childcare, which is why we have held fire, spotty.

The problem with doing budgets is that we have fixed outgoings, but most of his income is commission based, so it's very hard to work out our income.

We had discussed it before, and were thinking that I would be off for as long as possible, probably about 8 months, based on maternity allowance. I guess it's got to be brought forward because of the current climate, but it's a hard thing to face, given the hormones and a not particularly easy pregnancy.

It is so difficult isn't. I can understand his concern but you dont need the added pressure of worrying about it DH often works masses of OT which effects our benefits and we get letters saying we owe them.

mrs y...maybe you could just tll him that you understand but right now you don't want to hear about it...if you are stressed there is a chance you recover slower...so, really it's in both your favour that you don't get to stressed riht now!

the free childcare will only be in your favour if you actually work and also hae a reasonable paid job, that helps towards whichever lifestyle you have!

YANBU. Is there anyway you can just leave these worries until after the birth (for at least 6 weeks)? I don't think this is the time to be even thinking about work, please don't let this overshadow your time with PFB - you will never get it back.

At least if you do need to go back to work then you have free childcare - although I agree this isn't always a great solution.

In your situation, defintley think that finding out what you will get in benefits ie C/A, tax credits etc is the first port of call.

Remember that there are other work options too like working evenings and weekends (leaving DD with DH). Have you thought of childminding?

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and early days with your DD.

Dont know what happened there! meant to say you dont need the added pressure in what has been,as you say, not the most stress-free of pregnancies. You have enough to think about and focus on in the coming weeks.

Am youre not coming to join the elite ante-natal group. Will moving and freeing up capital not mean you dont have to go to work/need childcare [hopeful pleading emoticon]

spotty where-ish are you then? ust wondering and being nosy, so feel free to ignore me

Lincs - the armpit of the east

see..if you like to be near london you just go to corby...honest....

Well as a car salesman I'll bet he's barely earning anything. Is he looking for alternative work? If he's THAT worried surely he'd be out there looking for a job that would bring more money in!