OP - please ignore my post, i'd have it deleted but then you would wonder what it was i said. I worded it very badly and didn't engage brain before fingers.
I guess the thing to do is take emotion out of the equation. Sit down with DH and do the maths. Look at what you can earn if you go back, especially part time as you might find it difficult - all depends on what you do i suppose.
I will be very honest now, but it is actually quite painful for me to admit.
I do totally understand where you are coming from though, i was adamant that i would return to work as soon as i could after DD born. Well, she is three now and it has been an awful struggle for us, but i SAHM. IT was complicated by other issues, bereavement and PnD, but thats what we did - im not entirely sure it was the best decision. I don't think our relationship is better for it, in fact the financial strain has damaged it, possible beyond repair I think that is why i reacted so violently in my original post and i apologise for that.
The way things have turned out for us is very much looking like i will stay a sahm when DD goes to school, but i will be taking over the admin of DPs business which, fingers crossed, is taking off (please God!).
It is very difficult to predict how you are going to feel post natally but you wont want to go straight back im sure - and when it comes to it, he wont want you too - even though im not sure, DP says we did the right thing, even though it was totally my choice and he was against it at the start - but you know what, that is us.
The only thing i would advise you to do, is TALK this through so that in your mind, you know what you will be doing - don't do what i did and keep putting it off, knowing that i wanted to be a SAHM but pretending to DP and the world that i wanted to return to work. Because i had nothing set up, no job, no childcare it was very easy to let things drift and of course every time i thought, right, thats it i have to return to work it just became impossible because i didn't build up to it, iyswim. Only you know your personal finances, but if you sit down together and work it out, you will both feel better, whatever the decision you make. You must not let this cloud what will be a wonderful time for you both.
I actually do think the government should be doing more to help parents, help with useful childcare/or help to sahm, equal for everyone then? Surely?
I do think there is too much pressure on women to return to work, but im not as niave as i appeared in my original post that women and their husbands have too much choice. I don't feel that i live in the 19th century though. Im a rampant feminist believe it or not