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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want an univited friend to turn up just to watch my wedding

51 replies

tootyflooty · 28/01/2009 13:52

My friend has a dilema, one of her bf has said she will turn up at her wedding, even though this is a strictly family affair, and she has been invited to the evening do. As well as all the other bfs. She would not be able to attend the service as the function room is very small, and funds limited for the reception afterwards. She wants to be there for the photos, despite my friend making it very clear that this is unacceptable, my friends fiance is very angy about this and it could cause problems on the day should she show up, any advise on how to tackle her without hurting her feelings too much?

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 28/01/2009 13:56

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Iklboo · 28/01/2009 13:56

Well, tis just me but I wouldn't be too concerned about not hurting her feelings cos she's obviously not remotely concerned about your friend's feelings about her turning up on the day.
Your friend could always tip the ushers off to who she is and refuse her entry (that's supposed to be their job on the day) and the photographer to make sure she's not on the photos

Extreme I know

Jackstini · 28/01/2009 14:03

Doesn't a wedding have to be open to the public to be legal? (in case of any objections)
As long as she knows she cannot attend the reception and is told it is unfair for her to be the only friend on photos, might be ok?
She may even think she is being a good friend making an effort to see the ceremony even though she will then have to go home and come back in the evening?

MauriceDancer · 28/01/2009 14:06

why would it cause problems? she just wants to be there on the steps throwing a bit of confetti and it's going to cause problems? i think it's your friend and her fiance who are barking.

Stretch · 28/01/2009 14:08

If its a registry office or hotel type wedding, then it is private isn't it? Just church weddings are open?? Correct me if i'm wrong!

theresonlyme · 28/01/2009 14:09

When DH and I got married we were very surprised to come out of the Church to see a couple on the Church yard looking at us. DH asked who it was and I told him I had no idea.

Turned out to be friends of my Nana's and she had said to come. Apparently they were not very pleased that I had said I didn't know who they were. I had never seen them before so I think I am excused. I didn't talk to them either.

9 years later it doesn't matter but I wouldn't have been happy having them on the photos.

Original poster
tootyflooty · 28/01/2009 14:10

thanks, although i don't think my friend could be quite so blunt as to tell her to fuck off, it is just nice to know she is not being unreasonable, given that everyone else is ok about having invites for the evening do.
For my wedding I only invited my very bfs to the day and then their husbands to the evening, this was a funding and space situation, and not one of them made any negatives comments, I can't understand why so called friends cause so many problems at weddings.

OP posts:
PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 14:10

There ahs to be access so anyone with knowledge of a legal reason to sto the wedding can state their case

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 28/01/2009 14:12

In practice all weddings are open to the public. In reality there are health and safety restrictions etc that mean that people can't just randomly turn up.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2009 14:12

tbh i dont see the problem in her coming to throw confetti, just mention that photos are family only

or tell your friend to be more blunt and say no

i think its a bit mean not to let her best friend come and see her friend get married personally

dmo · 28/01/2009 14:13

she might just want to see how lovely your friend looks in her dress and hear the vows being said
if she is a freind its a very special moment to be shared i really cant see the problem unless she gate crashes the reception (which i cant see her doing)
anyway whats is your friend going to do with all the old ladies that sit at the back of the church at every single wedding/funeral/christening

Original poster
tootyflooty · 28/01/2009 14:14

it is being held at a hotel type venue. And they are strictly limited to the numbers in the ceremony room, so I don't see how it can be open to the general public.The evening reception is being held somewhere else. This particular friend is very thick skinned and has even brought her toddler son a page boy type outfit, she is the one who is barking not my friend and her fiance !

OP posts:
PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 14:16

There has to be access though on the basis that if someone has a reason that the wedding can't go ahead they can sto the wedding.

Sos he cannot lock the doors / have bouncers etc

Doesn't mean she has to have seating available either, mind!

Dreamaway · 28/01/2009 14:17

When we Got Married (registry office) we had to book in the amount of people that would be attending, we were given a room to accomodate the amount of guests. Under no circumstances were joe public allowed to attend due to health and safety & fire regulations. I guess this might be the case here.
There is every chance she would be refused entry, your friend need's to check this out.

Even if it's not the case then your friend should tell her that it is.

traceybath · 28/01/2009 14:18

lol at this and glad its not my wedding - can't believe she's bought a paige boy outfit for her son!

i thought initially you meant she was just going to stand outside the church and throw confetti not barge in with an uninvited page boy!

Simplysally · 28/01/2009 14:19

I've gone to watch friends go into the church or registry office but not I've stayed well back when they've had the photos taken later as I was invited for the evening do, not the whole day. I'd have a word with the ushers to be discreet and shift her along if she tries getting in. Maybe she just wants to see her go in the room and then she'll go? The pageboy suit is a bit odd though.

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 14:21

Paige boy suit V odd indeed

mummyfatarse · 28/01/2009 14:24

She brought a page boy outfit!! Thats a bit sad.. She should respect her friends wishes.. As she is going to the Reception she will get to see her friend in her dress etc.. Its not like they are not just inviting her if its a small event with just immediate family.

Sounds like shes too much hard work!

thumbwitch · 28/01/2009 14:24

I have also gone to watch a ceremony despite not being invited to the main reception, because I wanted to be part of the congregation witnessing the marriage - but it wasn't a problem for the couple.

If there is only going to be family at the wedding ceremony, and therefore only family in the photos, then this friend has no business being there, even for the photo.

Your friend needs to tell this woman that as she isn't family, she won't be allowed in the photos anyway so there is really no point her being there. She has to be reminded who the day is about - and it ain't her!

Hawkmoth · 28/01/2009 14:25

Weddings are just too mad for me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2009 17:14

she brought a matching page boy suit

what a fucking nuuter

tell the bride to RUN very fast away from her!!

mrsjammi · 28/01/2009 17:23

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mrsjammi · 28/01/2009 17:25

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Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2009 17:26

i agree i cant see the problem, think its nice ,esp as a best friend

but

the page boy suit makes me wonder

Jackstini · 28/01/2009 17:26

Is it a page boy suit that matches the wedding party - or just a cute but smart outfit?

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