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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that people on MN are so against routines?

144 replies

Maria2007 · 27/01/2009 20:11

Well, I might be flamed for writing this, but recently I've gotten more & more annoyed by all the anti-routine opinions found on MN. So- am I being unreasonable to be slightly pissed off when I read (again and again) advice to 'co-sleep / wear in sling / bf on demand' when people ask particular questions about their babies (e.g. about sleeping / feeding patterns)? Am I being unreasonable to think that this style of parenting doesn't suit all parents (or doesn't suit all babies for that matter)? Am I being unreasonable to feel that GF (and other advocates of routines) have been unfairly treated here on MN, however much one may disagree on various points in their books (and anyway who said we have to agree with every single thing they write)?

Some background. My DS is 6 months old. He's still breastfeeding (and I plan to continue for as long as I can / he wants). He is also still sleeping with us in our bed (from 11 pm onwards). He's a happy, healthy baby. Until 4 & a half months he was breastfed on demand (with various problems, which I won't go into). Until that point we were getting little or no sleep. I was so exhausted that I decided to work on a routine & in desperation bought the GF books (which until then I had been completely dismissive of). Surprise surprise. Putting DS on a routine (I did it gently & gradually, before anyone shouts at me!) worked beautifully. His sleep has improved dramatically, his breastfeeding has also improved. My milk supply has ALSO improved, making me wonder about the usual advice to feed completely on demand after a certain age. DP & I never felt we pushed our son in any way when putting him on this routine, in fact, it felt completely natural, we just tweaked things here & there & gradually things became better & better.

I simply don't believe anymore that 'all babies fall into a pattern in their own time'. I also don't believe anymore that 'it's normal' for babies to not sleep for months & months, that 'it's normal' for babies to feed all through the night (the thing people say about 'babies having tiny stomachs' also doesn't convince me anymore, not after a certain age, not when they're- for instance- 7 months). We still feed DS at 3-4 am, and we think that's normal for breastfed babies at 6 months, but I simply cannot imagine staying at the place where I was, feeding him all through the night, every 1-2 hours.

Anyway. Just really, honestly, I'd like a discussion on this, because it's something that baffles me. I truly believe I'm a much better parent, more rested, more calm, less irritable, now that we have some predictability and a pattern to our day. I also think that if I had a second child I'd keep an eye on the pattern of their day from earlier. Can't really think why all the anger & disapproval towards GF & other routine-advocates. You may not agree with all their points, fine. You may not like their style of writing, fine again. After all, it's only common sense that each parent creates their own version of a routine for their child, you wouldn't follow any style of parenting blindly would you. But to be so against routines in general is a bit baffling to me, and I've heard it so many times here on MN in recent months, that I honestly would like to discuss it a bit more...

OP posts:
moondog · 27/01/2009 22:51

Why do you need to hoover that much?
Esp. upstairs.

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:51

(can't run on anything hard or I get shin splints in R leg)

Boco · 27/01/2009 22:51

I found it a complete mindfuck moondog. Especially as this as still when i was pg and had NO idea what it would be like. I'd never even held a newborn. And all I knew was that I had no clue which way to do things.

Within about 20minutes I knew that Gina was out though.

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:51

moondog has an excellent upstairs policy which I followed while in her house and her cream carpet was still spotless at the end of a week

morningpaper · 27/01/2009 22:52

Can't bear the CRUMBS

and they are all allergic to dust so start scratching and wheezing compulsively if I don't keep on top of things with my HEPAed up Meile

Boco · 27/01/2009 22:53

MP were you raised in an institution at all?

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:53

how do you get crumbs upstairs?

moondog · 27/01/2009 22:53

Oh very nice.
Seriously.
I have grown to love getting out in lashing wind and rain and mud (not hard here).
My top tip is to get someone to drop you a long way from home then it is a good feeling to run home. Secondly, wear as little as possible as then you have to get shifting to warm up. Thirdly, get some good tracks lined up on iPod-start with something to get blood pounding (Whole Lotta Love Led Zepp good). Move ot hypnotic stuff middle bit (Grace Jones v good), finish off with some feelgood Motown.

morningpaper · 27/01/2009 22:54

No but it sounds DREAMY

morningpaper · 27/01/2009 22:54

upstairs is just DUST BUNNIES and

STUFF

just STUFF

CHEQUERSmate · 27/01/2009 22:54

Oh God.

I've done that thing, haven't I? Of writing a sincere post when the thread has already degenerated into mindless banter.

BodyBagBastard · 27/01/2009 22:54

well it's mainly uptight people/control freaks that have a routine.

Penthesileia · 27/01/2009 22:55

Are people on MN against routines, or rather how you get into a routine? I think it's the latter, rather than routines themselves.

I don't think that any AP, for instance, is denying their child a nap just because as an AP, they abhor routine (rather like a vacuum, so certainly not on morningpaper's route... )...

I think that people take sides over how you get to the destination; not getting there.

E.g. my DD needs 3 naps a day; they pretty much happen at 9am, 12.30pm, and 4pm. We're in a routine. But I am too much of a wimp to be strict about how she gets asleep - so I let her sleep in the sling, or in her pram. No putting her down and letting her cry or whatever for me. But she's still in a routine, of sorts.

DYSWIM?

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:55

yes I don't wear a lot
I am wiht Cod that Mr Blue Sky is the best running song ever, esp on a sunny day. In fact I leap about very embarrasingly in a sort of "oh joy is me" way when it comes on

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:55

what in the name of arse is a dust bunny?

CountessDracula · 27/01/2009 22:55

Can't run home as that involves pavements

moondog · 27/01/2009 22:56

I never subscribe to doing a little bit as don't like idea of one clean corner and one grubby one.

I have huge all day cleaning marathon about once every 4/5 weeks and it works quite well.
Keeps crap down to a minmum too.

moondog · 27/01/2009 22:56

I never subscribe to doing a little bit as don't like idea of one clean corner and one grubby one.

I have huge all day cleaning marathon about once every 4/5 weeks and it works quite well.
Keeps crap down to a minmum too.

moondog · 27/01/2009 22:57

Mr Blue Sky is great,I agree!!
It's on my iPod
(Along with Cliff and Wired for Sound. A true guilty pleasure.)

Boco · 27/01/2009 22:58

Whatever a dustbunny is, there is NO WAY it could form between a Wednesday and a Saturday.

AtheneNoctua · 27/01/2009 23:18

OMG, if there are anti routine people on MN, I am most certainly not one of them.

helibee · 27/01/2009 23:44

i have fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue so some form of routine is helpful but i'm very flexible and we did let ds find his own routine. My ds goes to bed at 10pm and sleeps till lunchtime, dh and i have not pushed this onto him he has done this since the day he was born and so we go with the flow. he likes the sling and he also likes his pushchair again we go with whatever he fancies.

Ds slept in our room till he was 1 yr often co sleeping and now he sleeps from 10pm till 7am in his room and then when dh goes to work he comes into bed with me, again we have done this since he was born. All of this works for us but theres no saying that when we have dc2 that they'll be the same. I think that when poeple get caught up in routine or no routine to the point of being extreme then you'r missing out on just enjoying your child/ren. Every child id different and what works for one doesn't for all but that doesn't mean that you can't share that advice with others as it may help them.

Between my sil and myself we have one good sleeper who is a bad eater, one good eater who is a bad sleeper and one who is middle of the road in both and we share pretty similar parenting styles

One thing from GF is that i've had poeple say to me that it's bad cos my son doesn't slep from 7pm-7am but he has 14 hours at night which is what e needs (i did to when i was a baby) so whats wrong with that, my dh loves that we spend the evenings together as a family.

helibee · 27/01/2009 23:44

sorry didn't mean post to be that long

skramble · 28/01/2009 00:03

I am old fashioned and used routines for my two DC, but there has to be a degree of flexibility. But when it comes to things like feeding if DS has taken a good big feed then I knew if he cried within the hour it was not a feed he needed, his routines meant I had a pretty good idea what was wrong when he cried. But he was a good baby, slept well fed well and was a text book baby pretty much so this meant a routine was easier.

DD was pretty similar but as she was a smaller baby her routine was shorter and starteed with 3.5 hr feeds for example.

But flexibility is the key to routines, you have to have a bit of play in the timetable to make it work around evrything else and let the baby lead the routine really.

happybeingme · 28/01/2009 00:15

Each to their own. We have a routine of sorts but it is flexible. I personally would not leave a baby to cry (to get it into a sleep routine) but that is my choice.