to expect friend to accept that I am going on her ex husbands new wife to be's hen do.

[anastasia74]

to be brief. l feel like I am piggy in the middle. my old friend -who I see only occasionally divorced from her husband a few years ago. My partner and I still see both couples - who now have new partners, and are very happy. Cause we see more of my friends ex-husband and new girlfriend socially. (They use our local - so always bumping into them) i have slowly become friendly with new girlfriend and so have been invited on hen do, which I'd like to go on as my husband is going on stag do. same w/end and I don't want to be left in house on my own all weekend. How do I deal with this one without falling out with anyone, if at all possible.

Does your friend have a problem with you going? You haven't said.

I think you should go

If your friend is miffed just say she asked you out right and you felt really awkward saying no

And if ahes a true friend she might be a little annoyed but should understand

Hen/stag dos are mad anyway.
And as for having them when you've already been married-!
Bloody ridiculous.

my friend does not know that we see them. Have not been intentionally secretive. The ex- husband is never mentioned, and I am never asked what I did at the w/end socially etc. So have found it awkward to bring it up in conversation without sounding guilty about still having a friendship with them, as she was left quite hurt after the divorce. We ever seem to talk about family stuff and work when we meet very occasionally.

I wouldnt go tbh ...if you are friends with both the people this could force you to draw lines.

I think you are going to have to tell her that you see them. If she finds out, then it will be bad. If you tell her that you are friends, then she has 2 choices - accept it or not.

By hiding it from her, it looks like you are saying you know you are doing the wrong thing - which you aren't. You ARE allowed to befriend who you please.

Can you go without her finding out and are you going to the wedding ?

i agree, moondog.

No they are getting married abroad. I could not tell her, I suppose, but I am starting to feel guilty about it. Don't like being secretive, as I thing you always get found out in the end. Its just awkward we have not gone out of our way to meet them, can't ignore them in our local bar. Where as we hardly ever see my friend socially.

I actually think you're being extremely naive.

If this woman was a real friend, you'd nail your colours to the mast and 'choose' her.

It doesn't mean you don't have to be friendly to the new wife, but depending on how the marriage ended I don't think you can be friends with both women.

Unless your friend chose to end the marriage, then I think you would be entitled to go on the hen night and be friends with both of them.

But otherwise, accept that people have feelings, feel hurt and sometimes a tiny bit of loyalty from your girlfriends is the only thing that helps you through a long year.

It seems an impossible situation I don't want to lose my friend or stop going into the only decent wine bar in my village.

I also agree. Why would you want to go on a hen weekend? Rather immature, a whole weekend.

Maybe you need to make more of an effort then to see your friend socially, nothing quite like being single to be made to feel like a leper.
You can ignore people at the local, whether you want to is entirely up to you of course.
I think the other poster is right it's time to decide where your loyalties lie and if you can't do that then keep your mouth shut when you see the other lady you call a friend.

'same w/end and I don't want to be left in house on my own all weekend.'

sounds like bliss to me! how about i go to the hen weekend and you come and stay with my kids .

you know your old friend will be hurt if you go or you wouldn't have started this thread, so i'm going to have to agree with Liffey here.

you don't want to fall out because you sound a bit wishy washy, but this is one situation where if you try to please everyone someone's going to get hurt.

sorry.

You don't have to choose, but I think if you value an old friendship, and if that friend is hurt by the breakdown of the marriage then yes, I believe you have to 'nail your colours to the mast' and come down on her side.

People can remain friends with whomever they choose, but they WILL hurt an old friend if they don't show her loyalty when she's hurt.

They may choose to take the line that they don't want to be in the middle etc etc, and that's their perogative of course, but ultimately, not 'choosing' the old female friend will probably damage the friendship.

I've been in this situation. On both sides.

Agree completely with cat64.

You haven't hidden anything from your old friend. If she asks tell her but she may just not want to know.

i think you should go on the hen do

the new gf soon to be wife is now a friend

you said that both have new partners, ie your friend has a new man, so i am sure she has better things to worry about whether you see her ex new gf ( if she is happy with her new man, as you say she is)

just mention that both partners have been invited to the hen/stag dos

the divorce was a few years ago and sometimes although people are good friends, you dont see them as often and you do make new friends

If you are only going because you don't want a weekend on your own - don't go if it will cause you to lose a friendship.

If you want to go as you genuinely will enjoy yourself, then go. Your friend can't tell you what you can do with your spare time.

i wouldn't go.

not impossible situation if you politely make a plausible excuse.