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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over sensitive about this?

27 replies

devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:02

MIL always sends the children a cheque and some clothes for their birthday and christmas.
DH also recieves a cheque and clothes for his birthday and christmas.

I usually get a jumper for christmas,well for the last 4 years but nothing on my birthday even though the last 2 years we were staying at her house on a summer visit.

She has just sent a parcel with a jumper each for the children and a really expensive boxed shirt for DH.

Rang DH to tell him and he asked if she had sent me anything .

I said no and he said "Oh,nevermind"

I know I am being childish about this after all it's her son and her grandchildren and I am only the daughter in law but felt a bit hurt by this.

Totally unreasonable I suspect.

OP posts:
ComeWhineWithMe · 22/01/2009 14:04

I would be a bit put out by it too YANBU .

FriarKewcumber · 22/01/2009 14:04

it would be offended too - why doesn't your DH ask her why she doesn't get you a present? Does she get you a card - or has she forgetten its your birthday.

WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake · 22/01/2009 14:04

what's the new stuff for - a late Christmas prezzie? birthdays?

ilovetochat · 22/01/2009 14:06

it does seem she is purposefully leaving you out but tbh i wouldn't care, at least you haven't got another jumper
at least they treat the kids.
YANBU but take it with a pinch of salt.

2pt4kids · 22/01/2009 14:06

Not unreasonable to be hurt, but I'd just ignore it tbh.
When your DH gets home later and you show him the parcel/shirt, why dont you ask him why he thinks she doesnt send you anything? (in a curious tone of voice rather than pissed off iyswim) and see what he thinks. Perhaps MIL has mentioned something to him in the past that may explain it...
Does sound odd though!

blondie80 · 22/01/2009 14:06

yanbu, that sounds horrid, my mil gets me great pressies whereas my sisters mil gets her crap that she found round her bathroom.

ben5 · 22/01/2009 14:09

i'm not the only one with a mil that treats her son and grandchildren better than me!!!!! she has only ever babysat twice in the last 5 years so we are going of to oz to live!!!!!!!

taliac · 22/01/2009 14:11

My MIL is pretty good.

SIL however is crap - never has sent me anything for my bday despite us always remembering her DHs.

Mind you, last birthday they sent DH a kitchen utensil that they'd got as a free gift with another purchase. They told him so too.

It was not even a useful kitchen utensil.

So probably I should be counting myself lucky.

HSMM · 22/01/2009 14:11

My MIL never bought me anything, but I put that down to her having 8 children and 16 grand-children and a budget to stick to, so I didn't mind.

Lizzylou · 22/01/2009 14:12

YANBU, I would be hurt too
Do you generally get on OK?

Original poster
devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:12

She never gets me a birthday card even though we were staying at her house the last 2 years on my birthday.
She odes'ntforget as her sons birthday,DH's brothers is the day after mine.

The presents she just sent were just extras,she occasionally sends the children clothes over.
Which is great,am very gratful just surprised she sent DH pressie as well this time and an expensive one at that.

I think DH was a bit embarrassed when I said I was'nt sent anything and did'nt know what to say.

Not sure whether to ask DH about it he may think I am sulking

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 22/01/2009 14:13

YANBU. It is a blatant leaving you out.

Do you get on well with her as a rule?

I'd be a wee bit hurt too but not enough to ruin my day. Don't let it get to you. Do you think it might be to get to you? It is weird.

ThumbBurns · 22/01/2009 14:15

no YANBU, she is being bloody rude. If she had just sent for the children, fair enough - various rellis of ours stopped sending to adults - but to send to your DH and not you is divisive and rude. And your DH should see it that way too, not just dismiss it.

Original poster
devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:16

Kitchen utensil
Maybe I should count my blessings.

We get on ok as a rule,only see them once a year when we fly over to visit,or she may come and visit like she did last year just before christmas.

Money is not a problem although am not saying she should spend it on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:19

Am happy with my christmas jumper each year even though DH gets a cashmere one ,I'm not jealous!!!

OP posts:
georgiemum · 22/01/2009 14:26

I am assuming that you are the one that organises presents for her from the rest of the family. Resign!

Original poster
devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:34

She always asks us not to get presents for her but we have in the past sent flowers.

I orgainise presents etc for DH's niece and nephew though otherwise they would never get sent.

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 22/01/2009 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gorionine · 22/01/2009 14:38

I would not have been hurt by not receiving a present as such, but definitely hurt by DH "oh nevermind".

tootyflooty · 22/01/2009 14:48

Not at all unreasonable, you are a part of her family now, she is being very insensitive, your dh should contact her and ask if she has a problem with you, if you don't already have an issue that you are aware of. If she is just cautious about picking something out for you then she could send you cash instead. My bil always sends my dh 100.00 for his birthday and 30.00 for me, It just says to me I am not as important as my dh. My dh doesn't see it as a problem. If I am honest I do spend more on my side of the family than my dh family, but as they don't see each other no one would know. however I wouldn't spend less on my db wife than on him,

Original poster
devilsavacado · 22/01/2009 14:51

DH is always saying his mother is'nt big on sending cards etc but obviously she sends him amd the children one.

Tell a lie last year when we staying at hers and it was my birthday DH's sister was staying also and she had recived that morning a letter from her bank with a patterned leaflet about loans or something.

Anyway a bit later she handed me a made up envelope with this patterned paper inside ,it said

Happy Birthday from The .....'s [their surnmae inserted]

MIL said she did'nt have time to make a cake and she had been and bought an apple piefrom the local village bakery.

I doubt DH knew what to say when he said "oh nevermind"

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 22/01/2009 15:44

Well, I guess it's up to you how you take it.

You could just shrug and think, "What a rude old sow," or you could ask DH to say something to her about it.

Does she really matter to you?

I'd carry on remembering her birthday etc. I think always do what you've done and that way you can't be pulled up for not doing the right thing.

loobeylou · 22/01/2009 17:43

I knew of someone once who invited her adult son to Christmas dinner, her son & the grandchild sat up to dinner. The grandchilds mother, the sons GF, was given an orange and sat on the sofa watching the others eat. "I didn't cook enough for you because we don't have enough dining chairs"

and the womans DP did nothing, should have been out the door at such an outrageous act.....so, some people are just plain ODD (same woman gave her sons GF a cabbage wrapped in newspaper for her birthday)

I have no idea whether they are still together, but if the MIL is still alive and behaving like that, I rather hope they aren't

mamas12 · 22/01/2009 20:15

My xmil gave us a secondhand single bed for our wedding present!
From now on tell dp HE is responsible for buying ALL presents from now on. I know it may sound childish but he can then see the time and thought and effort that goes into buying things for her and not getting anything back.

TooFoggy · 23/01/2009 12:48

I would see it as the perfect reason to never exchange gifts and cards with her thus saving you money and time and hastle and leaving it all to your DH