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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my complaint to the headmaster? Genuine opinions wanted

163 replies

namechangenamechange · 14/01/2009 16:45

DD is in year 2. Her "PPA" teacher who she has once a week as cover for her normal form tutor was reading to the children from the minipins book. When they left for the day, she picked out 12 children in the class who were "slim" "beautiful" "lovely and "skinny" and said they cold get their coats on first and said "the other 15 of you are too fat and big you'll have to go second, you're not as lovely and sknny as the others.

In what planet is it ok to classify children according to their weight?????

I should clarify here, that DD, despite being in the second group, is actually officially underweight at the doctors, as she is quite tall for her age - but she was in the fat group! That however is irrelevant, my argument is that children should never be criticised for baing fat by a teacher, or made to feel like the less good group simply by weight, which at age of 6 is nothing to do with them anyway.

I went back in to school immediately after my daughter told me this and spoke to this temp teacher. She said it was due to the book and the story of the book, but said anyone who would get upset about it was stilly, then she said to me DD, "don't be upset by this, a lot of other children in the class are much fatter and uglier than you are but don't tell them that".

On the grounds that she:-

  1. classified children by weight and made the skinny group the good children and the fat group the bad group
  2. Used the word fat in a deroggatory manner
  3. Failed to accept that this was a problem when questioned and
  4. Further repeated to DD in front of me that other children were fat and ugly

I think I should take the following points to the headmaster.

What are people's thoughts of this? I know the teacher has been complained about before for mnay different reasons and that is why she, close to retirement, is on PPA cover rather than having her own class.

OP posts:
edam · 15/01/2009 17:59

VS, it's not just the word of a six year old. The OP states quite clearly that she asked the teacher about it. The response was to tell the OP and her daughter that 'a lot of other children in the class are much fatter and uglier than you are'. Nasty on several counts.

IF this had been a ham-fisted attempt to teach something about the moral of the story, that would have been one thing - but worthy of following up because it was handled so badly. But the teacher's response is even more worrying.

wheresthehamster · 15/01/2009 17:59

Coriolan - OP did say it was random.

Obviously I don't know the teacher, but equally none of us know the context. It sounds like a joke to me that didn't hit the spot with some.

JZ7 · 15/01/2009 18:00

why do you think that people can't post if they don't have kids then Helen?

loobeylou · 15/01/2009 18:21

When kids as young as 8 are being treated for anorexia, any right minded teacher does not make ANY comment at all about weight or build. It is simply NOT ON. Even when they are dealing with diet/excerise/health areas of the curriculum, they ARE NOT allowed to make personal comments and single kids out.

I have divided children into all sorts of groups for who goes out to play first, etc. If you just go for "the tidiest table" thats always the same kids! It is a valid tool, to ease the mad rush! I have picked "people whose name begins with S", "people with a pet cat", "whose favourite colour is red" etc etc. As long as you make sure the groups are large enough & vague enough that you are not left with just 2 kids thinking they are last out because they have in some way done wrong, it's OK.

I think the example given above about if you have a brother, sister or none is fine, if the teacher was the regular teacher they would know if someone had had a traumatic cot death etc. And they would know they were not leaving just one child in the "no siblings" group till last feeling they were penalised for having no siblings!

Feenie · 15/01/2009 19:12

JZ7, this is bollocks -
"Beyond belief! but there also has been other issues in the UK with some school teachers sending letters home to parents telling them they think their child is fat or overweight"

School nurses, maybe, never teachers.

nappyaddict · 15/01/2009 19:18

YANBU but why did you namechange?

Katiestar · 15/01/2009 19:38

I have to say that when I read the first part i thought your DD was yanking your chain ,but now that the teacher had confirmed it I really don't know what to think.If you ARE for real then its appalling,but ...........I don't think you are

Lotster · 15/01/2009 20:07

She namechanged to post on a sensitive/rude thread. Forgot to change back, but can't say her real name now otherwise her post on the other thread becomes obvious. All above.

wheresthehamster · 15/01/2009 20:19

Did the teacher confirm the gist of what happened or the exact words that the op's dd used? This maybe a case of mis-communication. I can't believe a teacher would use those exact words unless she was playing a part from the book in an exaggerated voice for example.

Was your dd upset btw or was she just matter-of-factly just telling you about her day? (My dds have never told me anything so I have no point of reference!)

macdoodle · 15/01/2009 20:21

I would be seething - my 7 year old is already obsessed by being fat and not being thin enough
As a GP whi is aware that eating disoders are being seen as young as 8, I wouldnt just complain I would go in there and rip her head off and not just for my child but for all of them !!!!!!!!

sunnygirl1412 · 15/01/2009 21:13

Wheresthehamster - in her first post, the OP said:

"I went back in to school immediately after my daughter told me this and spoke to this temp teacher. She said it was due to the book and the story of the book, but said anyone who would get upset about it was stilly, then she said to me DD, "don't be upset by this, a lot of other children in the class are much fatter and uglier than you are but don't tell them that"."

That sounds like the teacher confirming that she'd done just what was said by the child - and then goes on to make things worse, imo.

KatyH · 15/01/2009 21:46

The only reason I doubted the OP was because you hadn't told us your usual name but now I understand your reason for not doing so, sorry!

At best, the teacher was well intentioned but very misguided. At worst, she's a complete bitch and shouldn't be in charge of small children. Either way, definitely worth taking it further.

Original poster
namechangenamechange · 15/01/2009 21:57

Yes, the not changing back from the name change name was just a mistake on my behalf. Nappyaddict you are on my facebook friends list and we have chatted online - I promise I am for real.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 15/01/2009 22:11

Sorry no idea who you are but that's probably a good thing if you want to stay anonymous. The only 2 people I thought it might be, 1 has a dd who is 7 not 6 and the class size doesn't fit for the other I don't think.

Are your initials APM or LH?

warthog · 15/01/2009 22:55

yanbu

Original poster
namechangenamechange · 16/01/2009 12:55

nappyaddict - you are HE and your DS is T? You went to university in the city I live in?
My status today says .....thinks she should get up get down and get outside.

Had meeting with Head this morning, two other mums wanted to come with me and he was very good. He apologised and said he would deal with it and get back to us and agreed it was totally inappropriate.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 16/01/2009 13:07

Ah I did think of you but thought you only had T. Didn't realise you had a DD.

Anyway yes complain.

JZ7 · 16/01/2009 20:30

Feenie: School nurses/School teachers the point was the letters come from the School saying their child needs to lose weight!

And some parents have not been happy about being sent a letter from the School stating their child is fat or overweight:
ie: the letters were not written in a tactful manner but the whole question is should the school be getting involved when the child has registered GP and should be advising parents rather than the school?

JZ

nappyaddict · 16/01/2009 21:25

I think schools should tactfully point out if they think a child needs help to lose weight. If a child never goes to the GP how is the GP going to know they are overweight.

JZ7 · 16/01/2009 22:02

Is there a minimum amount of times a child is meant to see or reccommended a GP, and if they don't does anyone check up (pardon the accidental pun!)

When I worked in a respite home the children had a check up once a year and also if they moved to different accommodation.

JZ

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/01/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JZ7 · 17/01/2009 00:13

Thanks SGM!

AndISayHey · 17/01/2009 06:47

If it was all part of an experiment it should had been based on something that was beyond the children's control ie eye/hair color otherwise it kinda misses the point.

TinyWhiteFeather · 17/01/2009 06:58

Oh my God, complain on behalf of all of us.

My DD is big for her age. Her teacher regularly cuddles the smaller more delicte children, and calls them 'darling'.

My DD is 6 and a very beautifully natured child, and she asked me why her teacher didn't like her or give her cuddles when SHE was poorly She has asthma and has been 'chided' for coughing too much in class.

I hoped you were a troll bcause comments like that from, lets face it, someone who is our childrens first major role model is (and many children 'love' their first teacher) abhorrent.

Feenie · 17/01/2009 16:00

JZ7 The letter would come via the school, but would be signed by the nurses that come in to school. Nothing whatsoever to do with the school. And there is a huge difference between nurses/teachers, they work for completely different agencies. There are enough teacher bashing threads on MN as it is - don't wish us to be given flak where we have absolutely no control over the situation!