Too think this woman has gone a little OTT?

[Knakard]

Bit of background, ds is 12 months and has just started a new nusery this week he goes 2 days.

He has been going to nusery for about 3 months in a lovely little local one which we put him in as an interim thing as hte waiting list for the one we really wanted was massive.

He has always got on well at nursery and settled in really quickly, the only issue there has ever been is that he does bite from time to time when he is teething. He used to do it at home occasionally and we always said no and ignore him for a moment or two and he got alot better and hasnt bitten at home for a good few months.

They also got the hang at his nursery of knowing when he was about to bite and saying no which stopped him. Now we told the new urery all of this before he started and they were quite relaxed about it and said yeah we get biters all the time etc. quite normal at that age.

When i picked him up after his 2nd day yesterday the staff told me they had had a problem with him biting and that he had done it a few times, they said it was good that he understood no and that he always stopped if they managed to catch him before he did it. talked to they about how we managed it at home and said he hadnt done it for a long time maybe he was a little over whelmed with a new nursery with lots more in his group and he is the youngest by about 2/3months so maybe it was all a bit much. They agree with all of this and said they would just keep a closer eye on him.

Anyway this morning i have had a call from his key worker very upset. She said the little girl he bit (they never told us yesterday it was a child)s mother was fuming! She was on the phone to this woman at home all evening with the woman just going nuts, saying things like "well my children are brought up to share" and "we dont need children like that a this nursery" (quite well to do area). She has basically said she will not have her child in at the same time as my little boy. The Nurse said she explained to her this put everyone in a very difficult postition and said she tried to explain to this woman she was going a little OTT.

So i am going in for a chat with keyworker on Monday but what do i do? A child of 12 months dosent bite maliciously FFS! And this silly womans specific comments have really bloody riled me! i Can understand her being upset but what does she expect us to do!!!

Ok have just seen the other biting thread in aibu some maybe i about to get flamed here! but in my defence is i had seen him do it of course i would apologise!

cory, only use speech marks for a direct quote not how you interpretate the writer.

also jute this wasn't a one off the op has said it has been going on for a while and was a problem at her ds original nursery, where they were aware of the problem and tried to intervene before the boy bit other children.

Even with 1:1 you can;t stop a child biting - not once they get to toddler age; they're too fast.

If a parent really can't bear their child being hurt by another they shouldn't be in nursery. Employ a nanny. There is no nursery in the land that can guarantee that a child will not get bitten. Especially not in this time of inclusion.

FWIW, I started the other thread about biting and I did not and would not demand a biter be excluded from a nursery. The 2 threads are unrelated I can assure you.

I am not an idiot and nor am I being pfb mother (I have 2 children and dd has bitten ds). I know well that children bite/kick/punch each other - I think my sister and I were having regular punch ups well into our teens (although I don't think we were still biting each other by that point).

The nursery should not have even informed you abut this other mother and dealt with that as a seperate issue what do they expect you to do about it - you have taken all reasonable steps I mean poor little 12mth old. Its ridic

I was nearly tearing my hair out 3 months ago over a similar situation. Every day I got to nursery I'd be told my 19 mo DD had bitten someone, with the implication it was my fault. On one occasion apparently she'd bitten a child on the face and left a huge bruise, and the other mother was upset. I was torn between feeling absolutely mortified, and being frustrated that they seemed to be expecting me to stop her when she was in their care.

At the time she couldn't speak, and most of the incidents occurred when another child snatched a toy off her.

3 months later and she hasn't bitten anyone for weeks [touch wood]. She has been bitten, and it is such a relief to have the moral high ground of being the parents of the bitee and not the biter. The latest bite was on her arm and is very deep. It is still obvious a week later. I have spoken to her about it and discussed how much it hurts to be bitten, and that it hurts like that when she bites someone else. Perhaps it will work, perhaps not?

Anyway to return to the OP, as people explained to me when I was having problems, part of the Ofsted regulations is that the nursery has systems in place for dealing with this sort of thing. Don't let them bully you. Is putting him back in the other nursery an option otherwise? You certainly don't want your working days dictated by the mother of another child.

YANBU. I would seriously consider putting him back into the other nursery - sounds like they were better equipped to deal with things, and were happier about it, and sounds like he got more attention there too.
The mother of the other child is a loon. I think most kids go through a biting stage, don't they?

That was my frustration too catweazle. Nearly every day I was turning up and nursery would say "George has bitten again" in tones which suggested I should do something about it. I had enough in the end.

Would I be right in thinking that if your child is in their care, they should be trying to do something too?

blondie - how old are your DCs?

Blondie Wrote

"also jute this wasn't a one off the op has said it has been going on for a while and was a problem at her ds original nursery, where they were aware of the problem and tried to intervene before the boy bit other children."

(and that is a quote - I cut and pasted it from your post)

While I might have said this was not the first time, I want people to be fully aware that DS is by no means an aggressive child who regularly goes around taking chunks out of anyone.

It happened 2 times in 4 months at his previous nursery and hasn't happened at home (where we having been managing the behaviour) for some time.

I also don't want to be blasee about it. I fully accept that the other mother is entitled to be upset that her child has been hurt, as I would be if it was the other way around. However, as the mother of the the biter I am also quite devasted about this incident and was just trying to make sure that I was right in thinking she had been over the top. He doesn't do it maliciously and in every aspect of his interactions is loving and gentle. The new nursery even commented themselves when we picked him up on his first day about how cuddly he was with them - and this is effectively with strangers at this point.

Also, while the other nursery did know about the potential biting and this helped them deal with it, we informed the new nursery several times both when we went to view it, when he went for induction days and when we dropped him off on his 'real' days and on all occasions we were assured that they had dealt with it before and that it was perfectly 'normal' and usual. They even suggested that they put all the biters together (so they can be better monitored)and let them get on with it - if so how did he have access to an apparently perfect child!

Boys tend to be physical than girls. My nephew use to bite but then stopped after a while. The nursery should explain the differences between boys and girls temperaments/behaviour and help the kids learn/play together.

It's a tough world out there and this is a kid's entry point to it.

PFB to the extreme. Jesus I was constantly filling in accident forms at dd1's old nursery but I just got on with it.

She has came out of school twice with black eyes. I didn't spend all night on the phone to the school.

Other woman is going way OTT.

I used to manage a Nursery and came across this situation more times than I can remember. I am stunned and shocked that the Nursery told you what this other mother had been saying for a start. Situations like this, especially involving biting as it is so emotive for both sets of parents, need to be handled sensitively and confidentially by the Nursery. Do they have a policy on dealing with biting? Have you seen it? I would always ensure my parents did. My staff also received specific training on this topic. The Nursery should certainly not consider for a minute expecting you or asking you to change your child's sessions. The Nursery should be able to manage this situation without resorting to splitting children up and giving in to unreasonable demands from parents.

Hi guys, just a quick update sorry it took me bloodly internet been down for 3 days!!!!

I called her in the end and it was quite breif really she said it was all resolved and not too wory they are just goning to be kept seperate for now to be reviewed on a fornightly basis. When asked if the other woman was ok with this (which i found hard to believe) she just said well she will have to be and apologised for any undue stress caused to me and thanked me for being so helpful.

I thought it was a bit odd that after all the polava it was she "easy fixed" till when dropping Reed off today i had a quick word with one of the staff just to ask for reassurance that this woman did not know who my boy was and she dropped in that the nursey own had rang ofsted herself I(which i told her to do) who had given them guidence on how to deal with it. THAT EXPLAINS IT!!!

So all seem over and done with for now.

Thanks for all the support

Blondie80 : Bugger off to pedants corner how very dare you

I'm going to be fair and say that I do sympathise with the other woman for being upset that her child's been bitten. I'd be very upset if I were her - and I don't think that in itself is PFB. However she ought to understand that that this just happens and her child is not being victimised or wounded for life. She is definitely going too far by insinuating that your son ought to be removed from the nursery.

So far I've not had any probs with my DS at nursery, thank God, but I really sympathise with you - my friend's DS sometimes bites other kids, and she's mortified, as I'm sure you are. I'm sure you're right about it being a settling-in thing, sometimes. children have funny ways of expressing their anxiety.

I don't really have any advice, just to say that I sympathise and hope it works out well for all of you.

Just seen Knakard's last OP - well done and fingers x'd!

Havnt read the whole thread, just OP, so sorry if im repeating what others have said. But I dont think you are being unreasonable. Firstly the nursery should not be calling you to tell you what the other parents are saying, they should be dealing with this, secondly your child should not be excluded, it is thewir job to teach, look after the children in the nursery. They should be 'shadowing' your child, i.e a member of staff should be with him at all times and it is down to the nursery to form a 'rota' for this to work, and ring in additional staff in order to do so. This way they can see what is making your child bite (he may be doing it as the other children are older and taking toys/taking over and he cannot express himself) they should use distraction techniques and help your child to communicate so that he caqn vent his anger in different ways! I work in a nursery and we had to shadow a child for a WHOLE YEAR, as we just couldnt get him out of it, but we didnt give up. And the other mother has no right to demand these things! They are children, and she should understand this! A mother should not even be told who it was that bit/hurt their child, all they need to know is what happened see the accident report and be told how thier child was treated and how the nursery is going to prevent this in the future to give them confidence that it will not happen again....maybe this is why she has reacted the way she has, the nursery may not have filled her with confidence of how they will prevent this in the future.

As i said sorry if im just repeating what others have said!