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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do people normally do this?

64 replies

mackenseee · 08/01/2009 23:15

Hi, I was round at a friends for dinner recently with my DD who is five. She wasn't eating as she had eaten earlier and was sitting on the floor playing with her ds. My friend's husband expected her to sit with us (I presume as his DD who is three was sitting and eating) and without saying anything to me or her just walked over to her, switched off her ds, picked her up and put her at the table.

Maybe I am being a bit precious about this but I was a bit shocked. I didn't say anything because anything I'd say would sound rude but I felt like saying 'She's five, if she wants to join us or I want her to I'll ask her to come and she can walk!!'

But I didn't and maybe you'll disagree and he was right?

OP posts:
Original poster
mackenseee · 08/01/2009 23:17

also we're going to stay there soon and I hope this doesn't happen again as next time I think I'd be really annoyed. I think he doesn't like the ds also - but all the kids in my DD's class have one and I got it for her for journeys etc

OP posts:
misshardbroom · 08/01/2009 23:19

YANBU in my opinion.

Ideally, I think children do need to learn to sit with everyone else even if they're not eating or have finished, and I can understand how your friend's DH may have felt that this was setting a bad example to his DD, or distracting her from her meal (not saying that this was the case, just that this is how he could have perceived it).

But to just switch off her DS and carry her to the table without saying anything is overstepping a mark.

TippytheTipsyTurkeychick · 08/01/2009 23:21

I wouldn't have liked it. Why didn't you address it at the time though? I get that you were a bit stunned but I'm not sure how you could bring it up with your friend now(assuming you wanted to have it out).
Is he rude normally?

nbee84 · 08/01/2009 23:21

If one of my dc had eaten and were not eating with us then I personally wouldn't expect them to come and sit at the table with us. But maybe I am wrong in doing this

I don't think he should have acted in the way he did if he feels differently on this. He should of said to you that he felt she shold be at the table too. Or I wouldn't have been upset if he had spoken to her and said 'we would like you to come and sit and chat with us while we eat' but he shouldn't have physically brought her to the table like that.

Jacksmama · 08/01/2009 23:21

Good God! When I want someone else to discipline my child I'll let them know - not that it'll ever happen, mind!
I'd be seriously pissed and would have a few words with him or your friend.

3littlefrogs · 08/01/2009 23:22

I think he would have been better to ask her to come to the table, rather than doing what he did.

OTOH, I always taught my children that house rules differ from one family to another, but that it is good manners to abide by the rules of the house you are visiting.

beanieb · 08/01/2009 23:23

I don't know. I think I would have found it worse if he had said something. like if he had been going on at her and hadn't involved you. I think picking her up and plonking her at the table is ok so long as he hadn't already had a conversation with you about why she wasn't going to be eating. Did he?

There was someone on here a few months ago asking a similar thing - turned out their child wasn't able to eat with everyone else for some reason so that was an added issue but only came out in time.

Personally I think if you were invited for dinner perhaps you should have not fed her and all eaten together - could have been seen as a bit rude.

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/01/2009 23:23

I'm sorry - but didn't we have a thread almost exactly like this some time ago?

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/01/2009 23:25

Sorry - but you are (another) troll.

Original poster
mackenseee · 08/01/2009 23:25

you're right, he probably did think it was setting a bad example to his DD and I can understand that. Thing is my DD doesn't eat much, she eats enough but not much. She eats early as well (about 5) and this was a meal at about 8pm so I didn't really expect her to sit at the table. Whereas his DD eats anytime and much more and goes to bed much later (about 10pm) so was having a second sitting if you see what I mean.

I didn't address it at the time because I didn't know what to say without it sounding really confrontational/aggressive. Not sure if I should have done or not?

OP posts:
seeker · 08/01/2009 23:25

If you got the ds for journeys why was she using it at while she was visiting someone else's house? I don't think he should have done what he did - unless you are VERY good friends indeed, but I certainly would have expected her to come to the table. But I am a notorious witch!

Carmenere · 08/01/2009 23:25

YANBU he should have asked you before he touched her. His rules his house I suppose but he definitely should have asked you.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 08/01/2009 23:25

here you go

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/01/2009 23:26

WE HAVE HAD THIS BEFORE - THIS IS NOT A GENUINE POST!

TequilaMockinBird · 08/01/2009 23:26

I think I've read this before

beanieb · 08/01/2009 23:26

Mackenseee

this is the thread I mean.

It's very similar.

TequilaMockinBird · 08/01/2009 23:27

Oops, too slow again

beanieb · 08/01/2009 23:27

Tequila - you and me both! See my link. This is either someone with a very similar story or it's the same person.

Original poster
mackenseee · 08/01/2009 23:28

no, this is a genuine post. I'm not a troll, honest!

I'm asking because I didn't say anything and wonder if I should have done and how to handle a situation like this if it happens again.

OP posts:
TippytheTipsyTurkeychick · 08/01/2009 23:28

well, without wanting to stir it up - it might be a genuine post,I mean it has been known for parents to have experienced similar situations before now.

You're probably right though

beanieb · 08/01/2009 23:28

lol - me too slow too. HIGH FIVE! Troll alert

why do people do this? It's just bizzare behaviour.

TequilaMockinBird · 08/01/2009 23:28

Some weird going-on's around here tonight!

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/01/2009 23:29

How do we know you are not a troll given the similarity between the posts?

beanieb · 08/01/2009 23:29

Well, I'll just leave it to other people to answer then, even if you are not a troll. I can't advise.

scubagirl · 08/01/2009 23:29

Can't believe he did that....but on the ds subject... personally would like to throw all ds (pl?) out the window as seem to have spent christmas visiting parents of children all with heads stuck to tiny monitors. still trying to work out when it became okay for children to ignore visitors or real life in general. I know my day will come you all sigh. If they must play such isolating games I'd rather they stayed out of sight - how victorian am I now?!! rant finished

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