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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

do people normally do this?

64 replies

mackenseee · 08/01/2009 23:15

Hi, I was round at a friends for dinner recently with my DD who is five. She wasn't eating as she had eaten earlier and was sitting on the floor playing with her ds. My friend's husband expected her to sit with us (I presume as his DD who is three was sitting and eating) and without saying anything to me or her just walked over to her, switched off her ds, picked her up and put her at the table.

Maybe I am being a bit precious about this but I was a bit shocked. I didn't say anything because anything I'd say would sound rude but I felt like saying 'She's five, if she wants to join us or I want her to I'll ask her to come and she can walk!!'

But I didn't and maybe you'll disagree and he was right?

OP posts:

nametaken · 09/01/2009 08:38

I seem to recall this exact same thread being posted a year ago.

What's going on.

edam · 09/01/2009 08:59

Your friend's husband is a. extremely rude - how DARE he pick up your dd without making sure it was fine by you? and b. ridiculous, expecting a 5yo to eat at 8pm. Of course she'd eaten earlier! At 8pm she should have been in bed, not forced to sit at the table while the grown ups eat.

cory · 09/01/2009 09:16

It is not just a similar situation to the earlier thread: the child is the same age, the father is described in the same way etc etc.

My reaction is the same as at that time: I would not allow one of my children, or another child, to sit around doing leisure activities in the same room as another child is supposed to eat. But then again, I would not pick up a child without warning: I'd tell her to come to the table. Though if you know the child it's less of a problem: I can see myself picking up my 5-yo nephew.

cory · 09/01/2009 09:19

If it was recently, then there is a good chance it was in the Xmas holiday- I don't see why a 5-yo should necessarily be in bed at 8 during the holidays.

Laugs · 09/01/2009 09:42

Maybe I am naive, but I don't get why all the troll-jumpers think someone would make this up? It's not exactly controversial stuff.

And if OP DID repeat a thread she wrote last year, maybe it is still bothering her and she still wants to resolve it or she is really bored. Either way, does we really need to be on troll alert all the time? If you've seen a thread before/ have no interest in it, just ignore it!

Anyway - to the OP. I think your daughter should have gone to the table. It is a bit rude for her not to; regardless of whether she's eating, being invited out to dinner is a social occasion above all else. If you didn't want her to go to the table, you should have mentioned it to your friends. I'm not sure your friend's husband should have picked her up without a word, but it really depends on his manner and what type of person he is. Only you can know the way he did it.

christywhisty · 09/01/2009 09:49

I don't have any problems with a 5 yr old being up at 8, eating at 8 or even having a ds. Agree the dc should have been at the table even if he/she wasn't eating.

Suspect it's the same poster again. If I remember correctly it was months after the original incident when she posted last time.

sunnygirl1412 · 09/01/2009 09:58

Just a side issue, but Jacksmama said:

"Good God! When I want someone else to discipline my child I'll let them know - not that it'll ever happen, mind!"

So what about when your dc goes to school? Will the teachers not be allowed to tell your child off if he/she misbehaves? Or discipline them by making them stay in at breaktime if they do something naughty? What about if you leave your dc with a friend - will that friend have to put up with anything your dc does because you are the only person allowed to discipline your dc?

Honestly, what a daft attitude.

edam · 09/01/2009 10:18

I don't have a problem with a 5yo being up at eight in the holidays, just think it is daft to expect them to sit quietly through and adult meal when they are not hungry and will be feeling tired.

edam · 09/01/2009 10:18

'an' - it's only 10.18 but I'm tired!

MrsMattie · 09/01/2009 10:20

agree with edam

cory · 09/01/2009 10:23

I would compromise, Edam, and ask them to sit somewhere where they are not distracting the other child. Either you sit at the table or you stay out of sight. It is murder to try to get one child to feed when another child is playing with something interesting in full view.

edam · 09/01/2009 10:25

yes, that would have been sensible, Cory. But the OP's friend's husband wasn't sensible, he was rude.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 09/01/2009 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

slayerette · 09/01/2009 10:28

Can I just point out that if the OP is a troll, she's a very unimaginative and dull one! Why anyone would troll on this subject is beyond belief - they would seriously need to get out more!

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