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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to resist the Nintendo DS peer pressure thing?

66 replies

Wordsmith · 08/01/2009 14:11

DS (8.5) doesn't have a Nintendo DS. It does seem that most other kids he knows do have one and he's often commented that he feels left out. But he does have a Playstation 2 and plays on the computer, and watches a reasonable amount of TV, so I have tried to resist the pressure to get him a DS as I feel he does and has enough screen-based stuff already - it's all he ever seems to think about.

He's going to a friend's birthday party in a couple of weeks which involves them being driven somewhere for about 40 minutes. Apparently all the other kids have arranged to take their DSs to play with in the car and he's worried about feeling left out.

Obviously I'm not going to spend £90 odd quid just so he can feel part of the gang on a car trip, but I a beginning to wonder how reasonable it is for me to feel so strongly against him having a DS. The way he talks it's almost as though he's a social pariah without one. I'd love to suggest he makes friends with some less materialistic kids but as we call know, that ain't gonna happen.

My thoughts are:

he's had some great presents this Christmas, including a brand new bike that was over £100, and we really can't afford anything else (and, morally speaking, don't tend to buy him 'something for nothing'. He gets presents at Christmas and on his birthday).
he has a 4 year old brother who would want one too (and not understand why he couldn't).
I don't see why we should buy him something just because everyone else has one
It's his birthday in March, but even then I really don't want, or can afford, to buy him one.
I dread him turning onto the type of kid who can't take a car journey without having a screen to look at.

But on the other hand...

is there anything so bad about Ninterndo DSs
I don't want him to feel the odd one out
Am I being a bit of an old fashoned fuddy duddy.

My DH thinks we should get him one (even though he doesn't really want him to have one and he'll be shouting at him to turn it off most of the time) and has seen some on e-Bay for about £50. He doesn't want him to feel the odd one out.

For me it's not about the money, although it is an expensive present and we are supposed to be trying to save money. It's the principle of the thing.

Am I right or am I sacrficing my child's feelings on the altar of my own?

OP posts:

Tamarto · 08/01/2009 14:14

I wouldn't buy him one for no reason. They are great though, if i were you i'd buy one for me and let him have a shot of it now and again

mayorquimby · 08/01/2009 14:15

ds are great and because of the way in which they are designed i'd imagine much more stimulating for kids and nvolving than a ps2 where you use a controller (obviously not all games but their are some great math/puzzle based ones) but don't be pressured if you can't afford it.he definitely has enough toys

2shoes · 08/01/2009 14:16

don't know if it helps but yonks ago I was actually advised to get ds a gamboy by dd's sn teacher( gameboys were the big thing then) he was about 7 and have to say it did make all the endless car journeys(taking and picking dd up) easier for him.

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:17

I don't get "the principle of the thing" when he has a PS2? What exactly are your objections to a DS?

Does he get pocket money or has he got any savings? Is it something you could go halves on for his Birthday?

Original poster

Wordsmith · 08/01/2009 14:18

My main problem is the bowing to peer pressure thing - where will it end?

OP posts:

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 14:19

What's wrong with ISpy?

In my day we'd go on long journeys and do puzzles, or more traditionally fought.

I dunno. The youth of today ...

Iklboo · 08/01/2009 14:19

I love my DS and there are games out there my - erm - DS (son) can play such as 'I did it mum' (he is 3)
I've spent quite a bit of time playing Brain Training, Professor Layton & The Curious Village, Hotel Dusk etc
But, I agree - I'd maybe but it from ebay now and put it away - and give him an incentive to earn it - eg doing well in school, doing all his chores etc

stillenacht · 08/01/2009 14:19

My DS doesn't have one either and he is 9.5 (he does have PS2 tho) and no Wii either

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:21

TBH, I think there's just more "stuff" to want nowadays - I can remember yearning after various toys/shoes/possessions as a child but I knew there was no chance of me getting them! I know what you mean about peer pressure - I feel the same but I do think that he's done pretty well to get to 8.5 without one (and let's face it, they're a lot of fun and not really a passing fad)

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:21

I used to worry about getting my DD1 a DS. Then, she got one from Santa last Christmas.....she loves it and gets much enjoyment from it. She is also pretty good at not playing with it so we have a balance. I never have to ask her to stop. If she was using it too much I'd just let her know the limit in a day and set a timer.

Personally, I'd let him have it for his birthday and if need be, get grandparents to give him money to put towards it or to put towards games. As long as he has one game, he can connect with his friends and play their games.

And I have DTs who are 4. They both asked for one for Christmas but I told them they have to be 7 before they could have one. Its not hard to say no. You wouldn't let them play with your cooker.

Dont worry about it. Its modern life. And if he over uses, control it. You are the mum

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:22

Also, him having one doesn't mean he becomes permanently wedded to it! You can make whatever rules suit you in terms of its usage.

bigTillyMint · 08/01/2009 14:23

Don't get him one unless you are happy with it.

I am a fuddy duddy mum (and so is dad!), but we felt that they aren't really that bad, especially if you limit the time / games they play on. I think they are better than psp's as they seem less thumb orientated (also have a pointer thing for some games...)

We made both ours wait till they were 8 (just tell your little one "you can have one when you are...") They both had them as their only present from us and their grandparents to make them appreciate how much they cost, etc.

Ours are only allowed screen time for 30mins max each day. There are many days when they don't even think about using them, DD really only plays on hers when with a friend and they play together on them. DC play really nicely on them with friends.

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:23

Ah frumpygrumpy said it all much better than me

chocolatemummy · 08/01/2009 14:24

we bought my dd (5) one for her birthday after she kept asking and asking and my dh plays on it more than her lol, its actually quite good fun for us too so dont se it as SO expensive if we can all use it

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:25

Ooh, sinkingfast, why thank you! I don't normally do that

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 14:26

We have to accept that things change and toys are different.

However, its the fact that it is a solo-activity, some children will take theirs on playdates and thats the activity. Or they go to their room. Its a way to keep them quiet and out of the way.

Saying that, I have no experience of it as I've not given into my sons' demands. I've decided that when DS1 is 8 I will get one and they can use it.

Perhaps you could get one off ebay, call it your own, and lend it to him. You can get age appropriate games for everyone then.

I suspect that it won't be as bad as I think.

MrsMattie · 08/01/2009 14:28

Could you sell his PS2 and put the money towards a DS instead? Surely he doesn't need two games systems.

God, the pressure is bad , isn't it?

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:29

I think if you use it as a weapon i.e. "if you don't behave, no DS time" then it becomes something to argue over and makes children want it more.

I find if I come and go easily with it, my DD1 is easy with it too. If she is out of line, she's out of line and gets told off for that, but I try not to use specific things as a weapon.

Does that make sense?

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:31

Its like food. None of these things is 'bad', its just having them in moderation.

wii is fun
DS is fun

lets have fun! And lets talk and chat and play in the snow and go bowling.

Have I just become a 'love the world hippie' again

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:31

But reading is a solo activity - they're not always bad! I do agree that endless use of a DS is not great (the children of some friends of ours play theirs so much, I don't think I've seen anything other than the tops of their heads since they got them ) but they're FUN!

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:32

sinkingfast, clearly we are twins

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:33

Tamarto · 08/01/2009 14:33

ohforfoxsake - love the name

They don't have to be a solo activity many of the games can be linked my two ds's play together fairly often usually on mario kart. DD desperatly wants one but at just approaching 5 i feel she's a bit young yet never mind the fact that having 4 in the house would be overkill IMO.

Santa did bring her a game though that she can use on her dads one which i felt was an ok comprimise.

purpleduck · 08/01/2009 14:35

How sad that a group of kids get together, and they will be gaming instead of interacting

That sort of thing is why mine won't have one for awhile. All their friends have them, but I want mine to be able to use their imagination.

That said, I will probably get them one when they are 10 or so - I just don't want them to get into the habit of it when they are too young.

MorocconOil · 08/01/2009 14:36

We are still resisting getting one. We have DSs who are 9 and 7 and they are desperate for one. DS1 has said that we don't want him to be a normal kid, because we won't get one.

My main reason for holding out is that I want them to discover a love of reading. DS's seem to be used in the same way as reading was when we were children. I know I will get shot down for this, but how can a DS be as good for a child as reading a wide range of written material? I find it depressing seeing young children glued to electronic toys. I just can't see how they can feed the imagination.

People have said you can limit the use, but I just would rather not have to have a constant battle about when they can and can't use a DS.

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