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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to resist the Nintendo DS peer pressure thing?

66 replies

Wordsmith · 08/01/2009 14:11

DS (8.5) doesn't have a Nintendo DS. It does seem that most other kids he knows do have one and he's often commented that he feels left out. But he does have a Playstation 2 and plays on the computer, and watches a reasonable amount of TV, so I have tried to resist the pressure to get him a DS as I feel he does and has enough screen-based stuff already - it's all he ever seems to think about.

He's going to a friend's birthday party in a couple of weeks which involves them being driven somewhere for about 40 minutes. Apparently all the other kids have arranged to take their DSs to play with in the car and he's worried about feeling left out.

Obviously I'm not going to spend £90 odd quid just so he can feel part of the gang on a car trip, but I a beginning to wonder how reasonable it is for me to feel so strongly against him having a DS. The way he talks it's almost as though he's a social pariah without one. I'd love to suggest he makes friends with some less materialistic kids but as we call know, that ain't gonna happen.

My thoughts are:

  • he's had some great presents this Christmas, including a brand new bike that was over £100, and we really can't afford anything else (and, morally speaking, don't tend to buy him 'something for nothing'. He gets presents at Christmas and on his birthday).
  • he has a 4 year old brother who would want one too (and not understand why he couldn't).
  • I don't see why we should buy him something just because everyone else has one
  • It's his birthday in March, but even then I really don't want, or can afford, to buy him one.
  • I dread him turning onto the type of kid who can't take a car journey without having a screen to look at.

But on the other hand...

  • is there anything so bad about Ninterndo DSs
  • I don't want him to feel the odd one out
  • Am I being a bit of an old fashoned fuddy duddy.

My DH thinks we should get him one (even though he doesn't really want him to have one and he'll be shouting at him to turn it off most of the time) and has seen some on e-Bay for about £50. He doesn't want him to feel the odd one out.

For me it's not about the money, although it is an expensive present and we are supposed to be trying to save money. It's the principle of the thing.

Am I right or am I sacrficing my child's feelings on the altar of my own?

OP posts:
stillenacht · 08/01/2009 14:36

purpleduck - i agree

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:40

I have to say, I thought pretty similarly until DS actually got one (he saved all his Birthday and pocket money for a year, plus did extra chores) - they are not the deveil's work, truly! I agree that it's a bit sad to see a group of children in a room all tapping away on their own DS, but used in moderation ( fg), they're fine, honestly. FWIW, DS has 30 minutes screen time a day - sometimes he can got for weeks without touching his DS because he's doing something on the computer or the Wii. He also reads a lot if that helps!

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 14:40

I've had to ban the Wii for a few days because DS2 (6) has a mahoosive hissy fit everytime I tell them time's up. He constantly badgers me to let him go on it. I've tried leaving them to it, but they don't get tired of it and will spend hours on it. Its also become the first port of call when they need an activity, whereas before they'd go and do some junk modelling or drawing, or kick a ball around. They will set their alarm clocks and get up to play it before school.

I'm not sure I'd be able to cope if they had DSs as well

frumpygrumpy · 08/01/2009 14:46

I think you've totally missed the point and you sound like my granny!

You don't need to battle about it, you just say no more, time up. If there is a battle then you are the one making the battle. If they were trying to drive the car you'd say no. And that would be the end of it. Children will only keep arguing about it if you keep arguing back.

If you let them know they are allowed a maximum of say an hour on their DS/PS/wii sometime after school and before bed, and provided homework is done well, then they can have some control over their own lives and you will have taught them a valuable life lesson. We can't make children do what we want all the time or we are teaching them absolutely nothing. We can lay down parallel lines and let them decide how to walk between them.

And they will interact.......they will interact when the time is up or before they have begun.

Let me just check.......who is sitting interacting with their children right this second? Are you perhaps reading a computer screen?

And are you refreshed for doing so? Ready to interact with your children as soon as you are finished?

sinkingfast · 08/01/2009 14:49

I love you frumpgrumpy

I'm just going to follow you round MN and post "Wot she said" from now on if that's OK?

ReigateMum · 08/01/2009 14:57

On the 'interacting' thing - I get the impression that they can 'talk to each other's' DSs and play games if they are within range??

Not disimilar to playing a board game really.

DS1 (9) has one, and we have some of the same reservations, but having watched him design a city on SIMS creator and learn about power and trees/ fresh air and health facilities has convinced me that they can have some educational value.

Ds got the 100 classic books for £19.99 for Xmas too [evil mummy cackle.....]

MorocconOil · 08/01/2009 14:58

Ohforfoxsake's post has strengthened my resolve not to get one for a year or so yet.

Lilybeto · 08/01/2009 15:09

I hate Nitendo DSs. They turn the lovely children I look after into whinging brats. Whenever we have a DS free day the children will happily play together and will listen to each other and to me. If they have been playing their DSs they become miserable and sullen and act like 'teenage kevins'. The 5 year old just got one for christmas and the transformation of her behaviour is startling. She is almost addicted to the damn thing and begs to play on it whenever possible.
I dislike them because they are too personal, the children sit with their faces stuck in them, and wouldn't notice if the house fell down around them.
They also have a Nintendo Wii and we have no problems with this.

bee45 · 08/01/2009 15:18

my son is now 11 and we had the whole ds thing but its amazing how quickly these phases pass. now its an ipod nano( he got one for xms).I just hung on for as long as i could befor getting all this techno stuff. (only just got into computering again!).They certainly kno how to make you feel bad though my son started crying after watching th Gadget Show. Dont let yr kids get into watching it yet. i suppose it made me feel so bad that i surrendered and bought the ipod. I think im just bit wary of all this stuff as a bit old 45 and dont undersatnd half of it.

RiaParkinson · 08/01/2009 15:22

wordsmith sorry not read whole thing...

i try not to buy the children things i will be continuously telling them not to play with

i wont be buying my younger sons ds's as the aforementioned happened with my older ones

i dont think screens are good for boys - short term he may not but long term he will (i hope) thank you

Ashantai · 08/01/2009 16:15

My kids all have ds's and to be honest, they can go for days without picking them up. I never have to tell them that times up either.

They are great for long trips and sleepovers. I love the function that lets them link up and chat in silence so that the rest of the house can get some kip when a gang of girls "just cant sleep mum!"

Sunshine78 · 08/01/2009 16:19

As they are for all ages why not treat the family to one and take turns with it?

If not dont worry my SIL wouldn't let hers have any sort of computer game at all and they are now 19 and 17 and not at all damaged by it! Phase will pass send him on journey armed with ideas for traditional games he can get his friends to join in with.

christywhisty · 08/01/2009 16:39

They are not necessarily solo activity, my dd 11 has animal crossing and talks to her friends on it connected through wifi, and many games can be connected and played by 2 players just using the infrared.

bigTillyMint · 08/01/2009 16:46

FrumpyGrumpy is right.

FWIW, DD reads for hours on end, DS is also now really into reading too. They both do lots of sports activities and like playing imaginative games / art, etc.

If they have friends round, they play out / chat / play imaginative games / do art / cook, etc.

I know it feels like they will be sucked into Nintendo world, but if they are used to and are able to do lots of other "real" stuff, the DS is just anothr thing they can do for half and hour or so.

I think problems arise if (especially boys) go on them for longer than this as they start getting obsessed with the game, etc. And if you can't be bothered to find more interesting things for them to do / interact with them yourself

RubyRioja · 08/01/2009 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameCastafiore · 08/01/2009 16:48

I sold all of DSs old toys and bought him one just before christmas as he said he wanted one and it stops him trying to snaffle his sisters all the time - that way he spent his own money on it sort of.

I sold some toys to mumsnet locals and some left out the front of the house with price tags on - was easy before Christmas but you could give it a go now - maybe a boot sale?

brimfull · 08/01/2009 16:55

have only read OP but I do think you are being a bit fuddy duddy

why not let him earn the money to buy one from ebay

herbietea · 08/01/2009 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 08/01/2009 16:56

DS uses his for lots of things - including a Maths Challenge game, and does enjoy the function where you can play against another friend. He also enjoys games like Nintendogs, which I think is v sweet.

Having a DS hasn't interrupted his involvement with non-technical play and games, but I know some get hooked.

I don't think they are bad per se and if you can find one you can afford fo his b'day, then I would get it, I think.

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 17:18

Sorry Frumpygrumpy I missed your posts, and therefore your point. Very funny that you say I am making the arguement. Believe me, I don't enter into it, and the Tasmanian Devil he turns into is totally out of character. I hadn't seen it until I got the Wii. So thank you for your advice, but children aren't that straightforward. Mine aren't at least

And I make no apologies for sounding like a granny! Sometimes what your granny says is useful, valuable and shouldn't be ignored

Ohforfoxsake · 08/01/2009 17:20

'shouldn't be ignored' at my own post

Original poster
Wordsmith · 08/01/2009 18:09

ooh this hasn't made it any easier. I can see both points of view. Perhaps we will get him one for his birthday, but we won't be able to afford a party as well....

OFFS... we love playing I Spy in the car too.

I do set limits on screen time but like many have said, sometimes the grumpiness and bad temper that results makes me think twice about allowing any more screen based entertainment.

I would definitely say not in the car and not in bed!

I guess I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to toys - the solitary nature of the DS worries me a bit.

And as for me getting one for myself - I couldn't want anything less! I just don't get video games at all. We played on a friends Wii at new year and after ten minutes of tennis I'd had enough - although i agree that the Wii is probably the best of all of them.

OP posts:
RiaParkinson · 08/01/2009 20:21

wordsmith i have experienced children WITH and children WITHOUT nintendos

they do have some good games etc but my thoughts are that the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits

they love to play them with friends!

loobeylou · 08/01/2009 20:37

DDs are 9 and 7 and though they would like a DS I am sure, and use them at school and nearly all their friends have them,, they are book worms first and foremost. DS (almost4) will sit and listen to stories being read for hours. If they wanted to save and save for ages to buy one themselves i would let them - the fact that they have not suggested this shows me they do not really WANT one, just want to be like everyone else.

DD age 7 on the other hand DID want a set of books out of the school link catalogue and saved up her pennies till she has £10. But unknown to her nanny had ordered said set of books for christmas.the delight on her face when she opened them, and again on realising she has saved £10 she can now spend on whatever she wants, was a picture. DD1 got a mallory towers box set, which i remember loving, and all 3 Dc are now really into make believe boarding school play. It's lovely, good social interaction and the stuff memories are made of

Nighbynight · 08/01/2009 21:28

why do you feel the need to apologise that he does have a Playstation.

we are a hand held computer game free zone.