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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thank you letter shock horror

103 replies

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 13:00

My dad has sent an arsey letter to my daughter (age 16) complaining that she hasn't sent a xmas thank you letter to him yet. Bear in mind we left home on the night of the 27th for France and got back at 10pm last night. We were out in the sticks (le foret, indeed)for 8 days with no post or internet. The thank you letters were about to get written this week!
In addition to this sweetness, he has complained that she and her 11yr brother didn't get him the present he was expecting (a small diary). I had forgotten that was what he expected and we had got him 2 lovely big books instead, which he had told me on the phone on boxing day that he really liked.
So he has gone and bought himself a diary - and put the reciept for it into my daughter's letter, saying that she might like to reimburse him! And he signed off, Disappointed Grandad.
Is it me?

OP posts:

ellenjames · 06/01/2009 14:11

Good God a family member writes this to your dd?! I wouldn't put up with it full stop. That has shocked me at the rudeness, and i would have to say something, and make sure that your dad got the message to never say/send anything like that again!

gagamama · 06/01/2009 14:13

I think I'd be inclined to send back...

Dear Grandad,

Thank you so much for the Christmas present and receipt you sent me. I like them both very much.

Lots of love,
DD

wintercitylover · 06/01/2009 14:16

my exh asked me to ensure that our DCs wrote a thank you letter to his new MIL (his new partner's mum)!!!!

I nearly said do it your f**ing self what has that got to do with me but managed to contain myself!!!

dsrplus8 · 06/01/2009 14:19

oh , did your dad write the note? im wondering if it was written by a third party you know who!. if hes diabetic that can some times bring on odd ways, if hes not controling it well. sorry for saying hes an arse

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 14:19

Yes it does get a bit complicated doesn't it?
I've bitten my lip for years whilst getting them to write thank you notes to herself for nasty rubbish i know she didn't pay a penny for.

OP posts:

Upwind · 06/01/2009 14:20

"He has just been diagnosed diabetic..."

IME this can be associated with extremely erratic behaviour, and it won't necessarily improve . There was an article in the Times yesterday which touched on it:

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article5447148.ece

You may need to explain to your DD that her Grandad is not in the best of health and, as a result, he may not always behave appropriately.

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 14:22

I didn't know about the diabetes affecting behaviour. It's a new thing, and his partner is waiting for a hip replacement, so their house isn't a happy one at the mo.
Yes dad definitely wrote the note.
There have been some great suggestions on here which have really made me laugh, so thank you all! (Will write you all a note eventually when I get round to it...)

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 06/01/2009 14:24

I would ignore it completely-never mention it and just write the letters that would have been written.

cutekids · 06/01/2009 14:29

are you absolutely sure it's your Dad who's writing the notes...not his partner?

cutekids · 06/01/2009 14:30

acutally piscesmoon that's probably the best suggestion....just pretend it never happened,and write a lovely thankyou note!!!

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 14:32

Yes, this is the crux of the problem here - how to respond. If he is going a bit doolally it's best to ignore it, but if he isn't and therefore always remembers this travesty committed by us...then what?

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 06/01/2009 14:39

LOL at pagwatch's posts

Like pisces and cute - just write the letters you would have written anyway, ensuring that there is plenty of mention of your trip to France.

He is unbelievably rude (and not entirely unlike my dad who always rings up to enquire by exactly how much his presents were the best of all, in manner of Competitive Dad on Fast Show) but, in his defence, it isn't absolutely impossible to write a letter from France....?

troutpout · 06/01/2009 14:45

Upwind · 06/01/2009 14:45

if he is going a bit doolally there is still no harm in drawing attention to that

he is still responsible for his behaviour and capable of apologising at a more rational moment!

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 14:48

Hi Choosyfloosy,
Not impossible but not easy - we were in a caravan in a forest halfway up a mountain. No running anything, outside of a partially converted warehouse where my sis in law is going to live. I had 110 euros for the whole week (not worth what it used to be) so it all went at Lidls and the hire of five sledges for one day, not on your fancy euro stamps. We know how to holiday in the credit crunch, thanks Ryanair!

I love pagwatch's contributions too.

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 06/01/2009 14:50

He's forgotten you went to France. He may have forgotten you got him 2 books.

Are you sure he doesn't also have dementia? You say he is a loon - in what way? Does he often forget things?

And his partner may not take any interest so therefore can't put him right.

Call him and set the matter straight.

stitch · 06/01/2009 14:57

how old is he? i agree with rhuby, may be dementia or some such

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 06/01/2009 15:00

No he doesn't forget things very often. He's 70.

OP posts:

tengreenbottles · 06/01/2009 15:10

Im sorry your daughter was upset ,but this is really hilarious ,this story will kept being re-told for years at dinner parties its such a classic . You must send all future cards to him addressed 'disappointed grandad'

NotPlayingAnyMore · 06/01/2009 15:12

My jaw's been hanging open for about 2 minutes since it dropped at the OP

Hope your dad is OK though

Dropdeadfred · 06/01/2009 15:41

ring him

choosyfloosy · 06/01/2009 16:38

ooh fair enough - i think he's bang out of order then

Squiffy · 06/01/2009 17:20

And in November next year get DD to send him a letter saying

"Dear Grandad, I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be kept waiting this time so I thought I would write to you in advance to thank you for the ......... that you are going to buy me (can you please fill that bit in for me?). It will no doubt be really lovely and exactly what I wanted, and I cannot wait to find out what it is. In case it isn't something I like, can you please send me the receipt at the same time, so that I can go and exchange it for something that I do want without having to ask you for the money? Lots of love. DD xx"

piscesmoon · 07/01/2009 15:09

I think a dignified silence is much the best-just ignore the whole thing when you write.

KMJ · 08/01/2009 14:05

On the basis of nothing other than that you seem surprised about his behaviour, I also think he may have some early dementia or something related. My father has now been diagnosed with a form of dementia but we had years (probably 5 years) of increasingly unacceptable or strange behaviour, mostly really unpleasant shouting and anger. It's the "out of character" stuff you're looking for, not just being forgetful, although that's what most people think dementia is. We've had all sorts of weird stuff, glad now to know why, but horrible to watch the progression.

How awful for you all, but it might be the beginning of something out of his control. If it is entirely usual behaviour for him, then I think you're a saint to put up with it.

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